How to help my mom who worries about my brothers

Ugh,

My mom is constantly worried about my brothers who both have mood disorders. One has bipolar (type?) and the other is in between bipolar, depression, anxiety who knows it is all so new to him and the family.
My mom struggles all the time with blaming herself for their disorders/mental health. No one else in my immediate family has such problems. I had a great uncle commit suicide and aunts with anxeity. But my mom is the type that wants answers to everything. I can tell she is so concerned what has happened in their lives is all her fault biologically or socially. I try to tell her that it's just chance that they both are like this but she wants the science.
I have suggested a support group for caregivers or family members so she can learn more and see that she is not alone in her worries. She tried counseling but was upset because the doc wanted to talk about her feelings and she just wanted answers regarding her sons. She has read like every book and that really seemed to help her understand.
Has anyone gone through this with their family? Or experienced this same guilt my mom has? I too feel guilty, but only because I do not have the same problems as my brothers (this might not make sense) Why them and not me.?? I guess I should take my own advice I gave to my mom, "Its all chance, who gets what genes from who"

I wish I had more to offer, but reassuring your mom that this is not her fault, is one of the best things I feel you are doing. And try to let your feelings of guilt go, and like you tell your mom, these are things that happen, no one is to blame.
I think support groups are so helpful in so many ways, I attend one every month for dementia/alzheimers support, meeting others who are going through similar stuff with their loved one(s) who are afflicted with a disorder really has helped me emotionally to deal with things a little bit easier as well as educating me to what's to be expected or not what to expect.
The facilitators often have guest speakers in the medical and research fields that help our group with the latest info, which is a great help in coping.
I wish you luck with this, I hope your mom will open up to giving the support avenue a chance.
Maybe both of you can attend one?
Please take care, and feel free to drop by here whenever you wish.

Well I'm in a very similar situation (or used to be); my brother was originally diagnosed with bipolar disorder (since changed to schizoaffective disorder). My parents (my dad has since passed away) blamed themselves entirely for his illness, but then "found out" it was "simply" a biochemical disorder and that they had "nothing to do with them". (If you're sensing a critical perspective from my end you're right.)

I would definitely suggest Family & Friends support groups for her, but keep in mind that they will generally push a purely biomedical perspective on mental "illness" (even calling it that defines it in a certain way).

Personally I am highly critical of the biomedical perspective but if you choose to believe in it that's fine too. Regarding her guilt I would not say that it's either a good thing or a bad thing, but rather what she does with it that matters. If all she does is sulk and think it's about her past actions, that's a certain kind of narcissism itself. If she really wants to help she should figure out what *she* feels she did actually wrong and what she can do to make up for it at this point. Of course many people will say there's nothing you can do, it's too late, you can't change the past, etc., but even things like a simple apology ten or twenty years later can do wonders for the person who was wronged (as long as it's done sincerely).

My parents never really went for any therapy either, despite years of trying to get them to, they did the same thing as your mother—simply refused to talk about themselves and used their focus on their sick child as a rationalization for doing so. In my personal opinion this is nothing more than an evasive maneuver and typifies a kind of (socio)emotional avoidance and underdevelopment which actually *does* contribute and cause a certain amount of psychosocial disturbance in children (since they don't learn from their parent[s] how to process their thoughts and feelings and relate to others).

Regarding your guilt around yourself, there's a lot of stuff in the literature about sibling "survivor guilt" (usually seen in survivors of traumatic incidents in which other people perish). (Ok maybe there's not that much stuff but there is some [in the literature]). Having said that there is a difference between physical and psychosocial death, and for people like us it can be very confusing because the person in question is still very much alive, but has not "survived" in another certain meaningful way. (So the "survivor guilt" paradigm doesn't work perfectly for me, but I don't know of a better way to describe it.)