[jesseryn]

I'm bipolar, but think I could be borderline. I've been talking to my T about this, but she doesn't give me much feedback, and I always seem to "forget" my worst symptoms when I'm in a session.

I'd like to get some info about the disorder from people who have it, such as your experiences and how it affects your functioning.

My current T says that my childhood trauma may have been too late to affect the development of my secure attachment, but other T's have told me otherwise. I was three when the trauma occured, and afterwards I became physically violent, emotionally unstable (cried everyday of elementry school) and deeply insecure. The most marked affect was that I feel utterly alone as long as no one is around; when friends and family leave my sight, they become dead to me, and I don't retain the feeling of their love. This may explain why I never cried at any of my grandparents funerals, even though i was very close with them. Even later, I never felt any grief, since they were emotionally removed from me every time I wasn't physically around them.

This is a problem in my relationships, because I am hyper-dependent; as soon as someone fails to give me all of the support that I need/demand, I am convinced that they don't love me, and think badly of them. Then they show that they do care later, and I switch to thinking that they are wonderful, and feel guilty for tearing them apart to other people, or just in my mind. I've also experienced disassociation, fly into uncontrollable rages, and rapid mood swings (like every hour or less). Does anyone think that this could be borderline? I know that the best thing is to wait for my T to tell me, but I'm becoming overwhelmed with how dependent and insecure I am, and would just like to talk about this and learn more about it.

~Jessie

I can't say because I am not a therapist or psychaitrist and self diagnosing and or diagnosing of friends can be dangerious because the person without being a professional can read more into tthe diagnosis and or miss key elements for that diagnosis that are not revieled to the general public. but you can find out for sure by asking your therapist for a Comprehensive Psychological evaluation. This is a test that professionals use as a diagnostic tool. The test is given by psychiatrists and psychologists, and the test takes anywhere between 4-8 hours depending on the clients being tested. The testing involves an interview (an hour or more), an IQ test (math- adding subtracting multiplying dividing geometry, algerbra, english comprehension and writing, short term, long term memory recall, logic, specific testing for various learning disorders, and a computerized questionaire that tests for the 7 major disorders in the DSM IV TR manual such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Schitzophrenia, Schitzoaffective Disorder, Narcasistic Personality Disorder....I can't remember what the other 3 are. The psychologist/psytchaitrist also adds other questionaires for example the DDIS and DES if DID is suspected and so on depending on what they are looking for. It takes anywhere from one week to four weeks for the computerized questionaires to be sent out, scored and returned to the testing professional, then the psychiatrist/psychologist writes up the report including the test results, interview, and IQ test, and adds their treatment recommendation.

[SilkySpeed7]

I hate you Don't leave me....is that what that book is called.........BODERLINE PERSONALITY disorder........oh it is so fun........
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/bpd.html

We totally fear abandonment

Imagine if you will floating in space with no concept of who you are or what direction you are going........

Miscellaneous attributes of people with BPD:
People with BPD are often bright, witty, funny, life of the party.
They may have problems with object constancy. When a person leaves (even temporarily), they may have a problem recreating or remembering feelings of love that were present between themselves and the other. Often, BPD patients want to keep something belonging to the loved one around during separations.
They frequently have difficulty tolerating aloneness, even for short periods of time.
Their lives may be a chaotic landscape of job losses, interrupted educational pursuits, broken engagements, hospitalizations.
Many have a background of childhood physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or physical/emotional neglect

[90mphINneutral]

Oh I have that book, haven't read it yet though... need to do that sometime. But anyway yes I have borderline and also narcissistic personality disorders. To me you seem too concerned with having a lable. BPD isn't something you want to be put on your file. Some of your dependancy issues sound like borderline traits. But no one here can diagnose you. I guess I just do some more research about it and learn more, that's what I did to help me understand what I had.