Can't take this anymore

My son continually back chats me, always has a cocky answer for everything, is sarcastic and cheeky with me.

He also asks me things and then answers them whether correct or not, while I am still talking.

This morning was the last straw. I told him to do something and he had yet another chirp for me. I picked up a dining room table chair and threw it across the room (not at my son). Then I just started screaming and screaming while punching the table and punching myself.

I can't take anymore. And what I did was unforgivable.

I don't deserve to be a mother.

I should not be a mother.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I
just
don't.

(((((((((((( Sabrina )))))))))))))

I am so sorry.... I don't have children but I lost it a couple of times with Mr Bear a few years ago. I know that is different but I felt the same way that you do now..... You are a great person and you do deserve to be a mother. Sending you all my best thoughts,
Love
Fuzzy

Sometimes things get out off hand, because there is far too much to deal with. This was one of those times. You only have patience to a certain level especially when you're not feeling good yourself, like you having depression. No, it was not the right thing to do, but don't beat yourself up about it! You need some rest and time of your own NOW! I know the frustration it causes when your child is behaving like that. I feel like garbage when I react too much, but neither you nor me are iron ladies, we are mothers.
Next time you feel that you're getting tense and blood rushes- try to just walk away into an other room and calm down for a while. When your husband is home walk up to him and tell him to talk to your son, because you need to calm down.... This isn't easy, my sweet friend and I really feel for you in this!
You can do this! Things will get better, although you probably are having a hard time thinking like that now.

You're a loving mother and wants what's best for your son, but you need some good feeding just for YOU!

PM me whenever you feel like.

Thank you Nina. You say such sensible things.
I am ok now - just exhausted by the whole thing.

I used to throw things and hurt myself when I got upset at my son. eventually my son ended up going into foster care because I chose to kill myself over hurting him. Great not hurting him but what I didnt realize the way I was not hurting him was actually hurting him. He went through alot of emotional crap because of it. Parents going off like this is normal especially when they grew up in the type of home I was in - my parents threw things when they got mad. I dissociated during it but those memories got stored in my brain and since I wasn't taught any different way to handle things when I had a child and got upset I would rerun that memory and throw things not at my son and I wasn't physically hurting him but like seeing my parents deal with things by throwing things emotionally hurt me, it caused him some emotional harm. My son went into foster care for a year while both him and I entered individual and family therapy. While he was in care I located a parenting class and an anger management class. Those two classes were amazing, great bunch of people running them and a great bunch of parents that were gonig through some of the things I was. I completed those classes 5 years ago and then took them again as a refresher and so that I can learn even more things. Even now 5 years later some of those fellow parents are still here for me. As for my son - well he came home for a bit but he still thinks lashing out is the way to go - partly because of seeing me all those years going off and partly because of having a "psychotic" (his therapist and DHS caseworkers word for discribing my sons problem) mental disorder. My son will never be coming home to live again. DHS doesn't want to get a call in the future that he has killed me or the family cat. Instead he is going to live the rest of his childhood bouncing in and out of residential treatment programs and therapeutic foster homes when they deem his behavior problem under control enough so he will not be throwing things and trying to hurt people they will allow visitation with him. That means I could possibly see him this week or not until he turns 18 and is released from their care because he aged out. He is 13. I have not seen him since he was 9 when he was put back in care to go throught residential treatment program.

Please please locate parenting classes and anger management classes, put him into therapy to correct any possible emotional damage that accidentally got caused and the two of you go through family therapy so you can work out the problems before what happened to me happens to you.

you are not a bad parent, and he's not a bad kid the two of you just need some new coping tools because the ones you were taught and the ones he was taught or learned from watching are not working. parenting classes, anger management classes and family therapy will teach you those tools and you will also meet real time parents that are going through the same things.

(((sabrina))) Yes this is indeed a signal that you "can't" take this anymore. IMO you both need therapy asap. Now you do get to be the great mother, and see a therapist, taking your son with you whether he wants to or not. You be the adult, and you will both feel better for it

Thanks myself and sky - I appreciate your responses

you're welcome. hope things get better for you and your child.

YW. "Do your best" is what I always say.

Sabrina being a parent is hard work. You do deserve to be a mother. You're obviously a caring person. Don't be so hard on yourself.
From one mother to another {{{Sabrina}}}

Thanks heartspace!

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_Sky said:
(((sabrina))) Yes this is indeed a signal that you "can't" take this anymore. IMO you both need therapy asap. Now you do get to be the great mother, and see a therapist, taking your son with you whether he wants to or not. You be the adult, and you will both feel better for it

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This is good advice I hope if you are not already in therapy that you do seek some help for both of you...There is NOTHING wrong in family therapy..Good luck

thanks sleepswithbutterflies. It has been a little better lately. Some days good, other's not so good. My son will be going for some play therapy soon. I look forward to his progress.

Awwww cool Sabrina I don't know a lot about play therapy but I will be intrested in hearing what you think about it and if it helps...I hope this means that you may get an hour to just get away and kick back yourself

For sure - I will let you know. Actually, I guess I'm kickin' back right now. It is 6am and he is fast asleep. Blissful silence!

6 a.m Its almost 11 p.m here..where are you? UK?

I kinda meant like get out of the house fun /relaxation for you ..alone...but hey time tonight enjoy it

I am all the way down in South Africa. I am taking a walk to gym now. That should help for more than one thing!

South Africa way cool to me thats exotic..I hope you have a good day ...I wondered why you use the term cheeky now I know