[Forest]

A few "friends" of mine tell me I have OCD. I was under the impression someone with OCD couldn't step on cracks in the sidewalk or have to lock and unlock a door several hundred times.

I had no idea that keeping my house spotless meant I needed therapy or maybe even some narcotics.

I had no idea that if I got halfway to work and had to turn around to make sure I shut the garage door or turned off the coffee pot meant I had "issues".

All this time, I thought never having been arrested and always paying my taxes MEANT something!

Who knew my "friends" were testing me when one of them dropped a cigarette butt on the floor at a local eatery? They wanted to see how long it would take me to pick it up.

I just didn't want the waiter to think we were a bunch of pigs!

Did I pick it up? Heck yes I did......wouldn't you?

All this time I thought keeping a spotless house with the beds made and the dishes done meant you had pride in what you have.

Who knew it meant I have no control over my "compulsions".

I thought people with compulsions were criminals.....not people who like the smell of pledge.

So, help me out here people.....Am I whacked, or what?

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I don't know if you have OCD that's for a therapist or Psych doc to dx....but this would fit into some of the many criteria </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I had no idea that if I got halfway to work and had to turn around to make sure I shut the garage door or turned off the coffee pot meant I had "issues".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> It all depends on many things ..I have a friend who was dxed as OCD she has a nice house so do I but all her food labels HAD to be in line and each food had to be in a row...if you moved a can so the label was 1/7th off she could NOT rest...If you do things like that then yes maybe you do..again thats for a doc to tell

[Sabrina]

I keep my house clean. I do not have OCD but I am "obsessive" about keeping my taps clean. I go through heaps of roller towel making sure there are no water drops and when someone washes hands, or uses the tap, I usually go and clean up after.

I try to keep clothes colour coded in the wardrobe. Socks have to be rolled equally sized balls.

My spice rack is colour coded with all the labels facing forward. I cannot bear it when someone puts the spices back in the wrong place or back to front.

These things don't rule my life though. I believe it is just a part of who I am. I try to use the word obsess carefully (in terms of myself) for I can only imagine how OCD sufferers must feel.

[Forest]

Since this has all come about, (about 2 weeks or so) I mentioned it to my husband. He said, "you're just now figuring this out?"

Yikes.

I'm the most normal person I know. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't break the law, I have a great husband and a great son. I own a business with my parents that keeps growing every year.

I had a perfect childhood, I had a perfect education, I played every sport in school. I have great friends and am financially sound.

But for some reason, this news has really ticked me off. I have become consumed with it. I think about it constantly now.

Yes, My pantry is perfect. Yes, I put everything in rows.

Yes, I pull out of the garage and watch the door go down before I pull away, then have to drive past again to make sure it is down.

Yes, I run the sweeper and dust the furniture daily. But we have a dog, so it needs to be done.

I have to check the coffee pot and the stove a few times before I leave.

I have taken the quiz on this website and scored a 17. It said anything over 12 is most likely whacked.

I'm generally a happy go lucky type of person but the thought of this is making me sick and sweaty.(literally)

I have never had to take medication (other than the usuals for ear infections and such) and the thought of physically talking to any professional about this is making me very nervous.

How can there be something wrong with me without me realizing there is something wrong with me?!?!?!

[gardenergirl]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Forest said:

I have taken the quiz on this website and scored a 17. It said anything over 12 is most likely whacked.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It seriously said that anything over 12 "is most likely whacked"? That doesn't sound like a very sensitive quiz for someone who is investigating whether or not they might meet diagnostic criteria for a mental disorder.

Or perhaps is "whacked" your interpretation of what it means to have a diagnosable mental illness?

Try to be easy on yourself about what your behavior may or may not mean. Part of what makes a pattern of behavior "diagnosable" is whether or not it causes impairment in someone's life. For example, if you frequently are late to work because you needed to re-check the garage door or coffee pot, that might be considered as interfering with your daily functioning. But I agree with the others, it's for professionals to decide, should you choose to follow up on it.

Good luck whatever you decide.

gg

forest......iam 55 and have had ocd for well over 30 years and..........anyone who meets me would consider me very "normal"..........i'm well educated, great family life, friends, i don't drink or do drugs.......and i have ocd......i can't diagnos you but you do have some actions that sound like ocd......its nothing to be ashamed of.......a mental illness diagnosis is not a death sentence......i lead a wonderful, productive life with the help of good therapy and meds.......if you continue to obsess over whether you have ocd or not.......you probably should see a professional and either get some help or put the matter to rest.....good luck and if you have any questions..i'd be glad to help you....

[Forest]

I know what pain feels like. I have had several broken bones over the last 20 years from various sports.

I have NEVER felt any pain like this before. And the really crazy part is.....I didn't even KNOW it. Just because I think it may be true is maddening.

I feel like my guts are being eaten away.

I am so ticked off I can't even describe it....to the point of being physically ill when I think about it.

So, now what?

There is no way I would ever talk to anyone professionally. There is just no way I could even begin to talk openly about it. I just couldn't. I've always been the good kid. I was the kid who never got in trouble, I was the kid that could ALWAYS be depended upon. I was the kid that parents wanted their kids to hang out with so I would be a good influence on them. There is just no way I could ever admit out loud that something isn't right. Nothing's ever been.....not right. ever.

I'm sorry if I have come off as unsympathetic toward any type of illness. I don't mean to. I just never imagined I would ever start a thread on this type of website. Not in my wildest dreams.

[PetulantWolf]

So if your son had an illness he'd be bad? Did you really imagine you were perfect before this?Do you inflict this kind of pressure on your son?
OCD is a biological disorder. Its highly likely one of your parents or relatives have it too. And if THEY would have talked about it maybe you wouldnt be so clueless. Having OCD does not mean you are defective or bad or weak or a criminal. It means you are human.
Why couldnt you speak to a professional? I would consider that carefully- a psychologist. And consider youre reasons for not being able to open up or admit youre not perfect.
Youre putting way too much pressure on yourself. And youre putting yourself above everyone else because...uh WHY? Because youre "financially sound"?
And by the way- I have OCD, Im a CPA, have a Masters Degree, and no criminal record.

[Forest]

I don't think I'm perfect in the literal sense of the term. I just put a lot of effort into doing the right thing. As far as my Son is concerned, I just try to build a sound moral and ethical base from which he can build, that's all. Isn't that what parents are suppose to do?

If I made you feel the need to explain your education or financial status, then I'm sorry. I didn't intend to compare myself to anyone else. I just meant to compare myself to my ideals. I just want to understand what this means.

[PetulantWolf]

You will probably find more posts about OCD under "anxiety" than personality...and on Tuesday nights the "Doc John" a psychologist is in the chat room....I have to drive my kid to Sunday school now. But we'll be here for you.

[PetulantWolf]

Forest you may find Ocean578's post under anxiety called "anyone using brain lock" Interesting...I own the book Brain Lock but I havent read it yet...I hear lots of good things about it and that it offers ideas other than meds to cope...

[Rapunzel]

Hi Forest, and welcome.

As GardenerGirl told you, whether or not this is a disorder for you does depend partially on the impact that it has on your life. There are the criteria for mental illnesses, but part of it looks at how much this interferes with things. If it doesn't bother you, and doesn't bother other people, then it's not a problem and doesn't need to be treated. Since your friends have noticed your behaviors and suggested that you might have OCD (or there is also Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, which is similar and may also be a possibility for you), maybe it does affect them in some way. You could ask them if you want to know. Next time they point out that you are cleaning something again, or whatever, just ask "Does it bother you?" Are you cleaning when there is an expectation that you do something else right then, for example? Also, could you stop if you wanted to, or if someone needed you for something else?

Another question to ask yourself is why you need to be perfect. A lot of people who have mental illnesses and disorders are driven by a need to be perfect. We deal with it in different ways. One might try to keep their house perfectly clean. Another might develop an eating disorder and obsess about having the perfect body, or use various coping mechanisms to make up for or punish themselves for not being able to be perfect, or be a workaholic, or fall to despair and depression because they can never be perfect enough, or give up and not even try because it wouldn't be good enough anyway. What I am getting at here is that perfectionism is a common thread for a lot of us, and how far we take it and what we do with it is what makes the difference between having a disorder or not. It's a matter of degrees. Everyone has issues - that is part of being human. Those who have a disorder might just feel it a little bit more, or take it a bit farther. We're more alike than we are different.

Now, you have started to see a possibility in yourself and it bothers you. Obsessive Compulsive disorder has two parts. One is the obsessions (which can be anything, including needing to be perfect, or obsessing that there might be something wrong with you mentally or physically, etc.). Compulsions are what people do about the obsessions (sometimes cleaning a lot, washing hands too much, or it can be repeating certain actions - sometimes I have to read things over and over, for example, because it bothers me that I might miss something, and I also get compulsive about taking quizzes to find out what disorders I might have). Not everyone who has obsessions and/or compulsions has a disorder. Just those who are controlled by it, and can't stop when they need to or want to.

If you had strange blemishes showing up on your skin, and they kept getting worse and you couldn't get them to go away, would you go to a doctor? What if you found out that it was skin cancer? Would that mean that you have failed in some way and are not a good person?

This isn't so different. You have become aware of a symptom, that might indicate that there is a problem. We don't know that for sure, but it is bothering you that you have this symptom. If you talk to a professional about it, you could find out that it's not an illness afterall, and you can stop worrying about it, or they might be able to tell you how to get relief from your symptom. If it's easier for you, you can go to your medical doctor. Medical doctors who are not specialists in this area may not be as competent with this issue though as a mental health professional would be, and also medical doctors are more likely to just write a prescription, and I don't think that medication is what you need. But if you ask them, they will refer you in the right direction. What do you think?

[Forest]

WOW.

Thanks for the response. You explained it better than any article I have read over the last few weeks, and believe me, I've read a ton of them. I too, have taken umpteen quizzes and they all say the same thing.

Looking back, I should have seen it a long time ago. Spelling the last word I say over and over in my mind to the point I'm not listening to the person I am talking to until I get done.

Saying the last word I say backwards. (What the hell is THAT about?)

Making and unmaking the beds, tying and untying my shoes over and over until they felt just right.

Could I stop if I tried? Sadly, No. Maybe if someone was hovering over me willing to smack me in the back of the head when I start doing "things". Of course, that might get tiresome after awhile.

I just figured I was just fussy about things. Didn't we used to call it being a perfectionist?

I had a great childhood. I can't look back on my life and say where ANYTHING was ever bad.People say their parents didn't hug them enough.....so on and so on. That wasn't my life. I look back with nothing but fond memories.

But the last 2 weeks has really knocked me for a loop. I feel like everything has come to a sreeching halt. There is NO WAY I would/could ever talk openly about any of this. It just isn't me. Dr's and Therapists are for people who are sick. The very thought of talking out loud about it is making me sweaty even as I type this.

I don't know what ticks me off more, The thought of having it or the thought of people KNOWING I have it.

[Rapunzel]

Forest, you place a very high value on maintaining an image of perfection. Your home has to be perfect. Your childhood has to be perfect. Your life has to be perfect. That has to be a lot of stress right there! Where does this need for everything to be perfect come from? Were you ever allowed to make a mistake? What happened if you did make a mistake as a child?

It's okay to be a human being, you know? I bet that you don't hold your friends to the rigid standard you hold up for yourself. I'd like to convince you that you have permission not to be perfect all of the time.

If talking about this out loud is beyond you right now, I can think of a couple of options. One is to write it down and give your doctor a note explaining your concerns, or print this thread and take it to your doctor. Another option is to try online counseling. I am a participant in e-therapy, and it is a good option for me for various reasons. Maybe e-therapy would be enough for you, or maybe it would help you to get ready to try talking about it face to face. You don't have to just live with it, and there's no need to feel ashamed. You can have an imperfection and still be okay. It's called being a human being.

[lenjan]

You know, Forest, I have a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I consider myself plenty damn healthy. I was able to recognize that I needed help, got it, and have become a much better person for it. I really resent your remark that "doctors and therapists are for SICK people." Yup. I have depression. I have PTSD. It seems like you consider those weaknesses. I consider them as one more part of my life I have to deal with, like paying the bills or taking the dog for a walk. Does that sound like a sick person?

By the way, until being struck down by a PHYSICAL illness, I had a professional job, and I have a master's degree and teach part-time on the university level.

[Forest]

Rapunzel, Thank you for the tips, I'll think about what you have posted. I don't think of myself as perfect. I just try to do the right thing. But doesn't everyone?

Candybear, I'm sorry you feel that way about my opinion. Obviously, it wasn't directed at you personally.

[desirae]

I've met people in my life that I considered perfect, with perfect lives, family, possessions, attitude, career, and so on so on, but after being with them for a long period of time, I discovered that they were desperately sad people who live in a fake world of perfection somebody had created for them...(parents, husband, wife...whatever).

Life may have been peaches and pie for you, but if you are here spilling out your guts saying that the possibility of you being imperfect....OCD, is impossible then your living in a fantasy. Welcome to the dark, sad, and nonexistent world your subconscious holds in you......DENIAL. All of us, in some way or another experiences some sort of denial......I guess that's one of humans imperfections.

Now I'm not the judgemental type folk, I believe everybody, I mean EVERYBODY, has some sort of good in them. Even criminals, people with OCD, drug addicts, thieves, sexual predators....so on so on. Does comparing a simple personal quality with a criminal make you bad......is a criminal bad?

You may have a perfect home, and a perfect life, but your obvisiouly hurting and screaming inside. Desperation can be deceiving.

I do not judge you for judging, I respect your honesty......but to say a emotional and mental disorder is bad.....so so horrible..is wrong.

I personally do not suffer from anything that I know of.....because unfortuantely life is imperfect for me, I'm poor with no insurance.......but if I did, I would be pretty upset that you'd classify me (my friends here), as criminals who don't pay their taxes.

I guess what you need...(my recommendation), is to look a little deeper, beyond perfect shutters, with the perfect perm, and the most loving parents in the world....and look at reality....because the world is real....your pain is real and is seeping out of your posts.

Your just like us. Welcome to the real world with real mistakes and imperfections.

I hope for your sake, and the sake of your family you seek the professional help you need. And I wish you luck with everything....because you need it.

[Azalysa]

I'm going to add this to follow up with what CandyBear and the other posters have patiently told you.

As long as you brought up accomplishments, I have a Masters degree in Mental Health Counseling and spent 5 years studying mental disorders and the psychotherapy of such in addition to living with my own depressive/bipolar/anxiety illness. In fact, my illness was in large part what prompted me to seek higher education in this field to one day become an advocate for people very similar to yourself - those with (possibly - I don't know you and am not qualified to diagnose) mental disorders AND family/friends/the general population to help bring understanding and "destygmatize" these issues that have been too long shrouded in fear and false ideas.

You may or may not have OCD, as the others have already said, that requires a diagnosis to know for sure, but you do have many of the false ideas I mentioned: <font color="red">I had no idea that keeping my house spotless meant I needed therapy or maybe even some narcotics - I thought never having been arrested and always paying my taxes MEANT something! - I thought people with compulsions were criminals</font> (sidenote: I'm listing that comment as part of your little to no knowledge of mental illness - but just wanted to make you aware of how insensitive that was to post on a board made up of dear people who bravely struggle on a daily basis to make the best of serious illnesses) <font color="red"> I'm the most normal person I know. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't break the law, I have a great husband and a great son. I own a business with my parents that keeps growing every year - I had a perfect childhood, I had a perfect education, I played every sport in school. I have great friends and am financially sound.</font> Ok, no one has a "perfect" everything!
I'm not going to continue with quotes except this one: <font color="red">How can there be something wrong with me without me realizing there is something wrong with me?!?!?!</font>

The first step to getting help with anything is acknowledging there may be an issue. There is nothing at all wrong with that and I applaud you for this.

A couple more observations - (1)as several posters have mentioned - many/most mental or psychiatric disorders are
physical illnesses with no more stigma attached to them than having say diabetes. Ditto for taking medications to keep the illness under control, like the diabetic needing insulin.

(2)This is an area I began researching in school and it was very enlightening when I began a list of well-known personalities who have lived with various disorders through the ages - there is a very high incidence of mental illness in people who are extremely intelligent and/or artistic in some manner.

I encourage you to seek a professional opinion (I doubt it was "easy" or "comfortable" for any of us to initially take that first step, but doing it is an indication of courage) and to do some reading on this. (Many excellent books are listed on this site.)

I wish you well and peace in this.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Forest I hope you post more and come back..some posters have taken some words personally ...Its HOT in here from flames..Wishing you nothing but support at PC

sleeps.....and forest......i think that we all got our defenses up a little here....so i'd like to douse any remaining flames and have us all get down to the matter at hand....supporting one another....everyone in agreement?????.....hugs all around!

[Forest]

Yikes.

I guess my "insensitivity" has offended some people. The thing about my opinion is, it's right. It's MY opinion, therefor it can't be "wrong" can it? You may not like how I perceive things and for that, I'm sorry......for you.

I'm sorry I wasn't beaten up as a kid, I'm sorry I wasn't abandoned, I'm sorry I don't have anyone to blame.

I thought if I saw a place where people were in really bad shape, it would make me feel better about, well.....me.

Selfish? I guess, but so what? Isn't that why every single one of you are here? To feel better about yourselves?

My earlier posts were about how I feel about issues in general. Your posts were how you feel about me . Which doesn't bother me in the least. you're entitled......But I guess deep down, your posts reflect the fact.......

That you too, just want to feel better about yourselves.

Thanks for everything

[sloppyjo]

IMHO, a lot of you took how forest was explaining herself and why she felt "normal" as a comparison to yourselves. She was in no way comparing her success to yours, but just what she has always wanted for herself.

Yes, she has obsessions about things, but they could be worse things. She could obsess about alcohol, drugs, or sex. She is a clean freak, it isn't going to kill her. She just needs to come to terms with it and relax. What I need to do is lock her in my house with her hands tied down so she can't clean....teehee

[desirae]

slobbyjo- honey that's more than a clean freak....it's more like somebody who is in love with them self and has to put down others to feel even higher.

forest- I guess your not getting the picture, we've all tried to explain to you decently the real "facts", about "real" stuff, in this "real" world we all live in. But your not getting it, therefore I personally conclude this junk with you not caring about anybody else's feelings here.......It's all about you!

You know there are some great people here that I enjoy, that's why I come back everyday. These people have suffered in their pasts, now, and will probably suffer in the future.....but they are deserving people, and they deserve RESPECT and COMPASSION.

You get back what you've given....people are biting your head off......have you asked yourself why?

Because, this is ridicules.

I don't think you understand the true definition of normal....I guess somewhere in your "perfect" life, somebody had explained it wrong.......there is no such thing as normal......everybody, everything, every existence on this earth is unique and DIFFERENT in every way......so I guess your comparing yourself to the almighty, because besides that (to believers), there is no other perfection.

There is no hope here, nobody is going to say what you need/want to hear. I guess ultimately you will one day have to discover for yourself that all this crap your telling yourself.....and all the poor people around you....is a fake cover up to something your trying to cover up in your life.

Well I'm done wasting my time and power on this, because it's unnecessary. But I do want to conclude that you are welcomed here, and we are willing to give you support and advice.......but please do not label us as criminals and defectives living an "imperfect life style", in a big bad world, because these people here are great, and deserve all your respect.

[Azalysa]

Well put, Desirae!

forest.......you thought if you found a place where people were in real bad shape you would feel better about yourself????????????..honey, until you take an honest look at yourself.YOU will be in much worse shape than any of us!......this community is just that...a community of caring folks who are more than willing to help and support others but until you are willing to help yourself......there is not much we can do to help you.......i wish you luck and i'm here if you need a hand........