[razeljenny]

I was told a long time ago by my Pdoc, that he noticed I was probably Borderline. He said that the fact that I say one thing and than quickly change my mind about it resembles this personality problem.

I remember learning from my mom, bad habits on decision-making such as being agreeable with bill collectors and at the grocery store, or just shopping, or working with us children.

She could change her mind for no explainable reason at the split second. I learned that this was acceptable for me to act this way. Most of the days, I watch for these behaviors, but I know deep in my heart, I can't always control this decision-making behavior. I told my school councelors, "I am not going to school this quarter." After every one of my 5 friends accepted that information, I decided, yes, I am going to attend school. In other words, I sought a big reaction from as many as I could get it from to feel paid attention to and quite validated. I exibited a crisis mental state, got honored special attention, then went ahead to change my decision back to the orginal intention.

I have patterns of this behavior. I know it doesen't really hurt anyone, but, it could make me seem unreliable. It makes me seem unstable, and hysterical All of the Time.

I am thought to be "delicate," and everyone avoids topics with me that might "get me going." I rant and rave for an hour or two. I enjoy drawing all of this attention. I am a kind of pretty woman and I "do" absolutely believe it relates to my being somewhat Borderline. I enjoyed my dad's noticing me when I really needed affection and learned to act hurt and sick for extra attention at home.

This old habit has it's drawbacks. I get noticed too much and no one "wants to take me seriously." Beings that I am almost graduated from community college, I am worried about that aspect of my persoality and hope I can get therapy for it. It does need working on and want to know who has had successful "Borderline Therapy" and what to call the therapy and who to find on the internet or elsewhere that works well with healing the "borderline"

Anything is possible and as long as I have a new breath, and an opportunity to live another day, I want to work on getting more well. Borderline personalities are very valuable individuals and are worth it to work on improving ourselves. Never quit, never give up, no matter how hard it seems to look, you are still worth it and can one day make a great contribution to the world, so don't forget it. We are worth it! Do you have a story about borderline personality, good, bad, mediocre, or rotten. I would like to have dialogue and think if we feel our feeling on this subject we can maybe get insight to help one another. Did any of you think their parents had something to do with them getting to be borderline?

[Perna]

I think all our experiences influence us but don't make us what we are; that's up to us and how we respond to our influences. Not everyone responds the same way, even in families where you'd think brothers and sisters would be more alike. It's all choices we make; consciously, unconsciously, happily, angrily, passionately, calmly, etc. We always have choices, even children. We always figure out how to make good choices for us for the circumstances we're in. Sometimes though, we get stuck, not realizing the circumstances and "rules" may have changed.

I was diagnoses borderline once too, back in the 1970's but diagnoses are just like one's mother calling one stupid or lazy, smart or hard-working; they're working models for that particular therapist and just like another adult, say a teacher, will "agree" with your mother's assessment that you're smart or dumb, lazy or need attention, etc. it doesn't mean you are whatever those behaviors say to those adults. For 20-30 years I read 3-5 books a week; buy over $100 worth of books each month from Amazon. But I always got low marks on reading comprehension throughout my elementary career. I get straight A's in my major in college now, a major that requires 3+ major (5-10 pages+) research papers be written each course. I didn't fit the "educators" mold for comprehension, didn't remember what they wanted me to remember. An obvious case where what "they" want has nothing to do with me and my life. But it slowed me down, made me doubt myself for quite a few years. Same with math until as a "C" student I scored in the 99th percentile on a nationwide exam. My algebra teacher looked at me, I looked at her, we both looked very surprised :-) and then she put me in the back of the room with the "A" students who were allowed to do whatever they wanted during class; homework for other classes, pay attention, daydream, whatever. God bless Mrs. Campbell, who "got" it. I made some bad choices in math in years to follow, didn't take enough or the right kinds to do some things I'd like to have "now." But that was me and my choices now, not someone else saying, "you can't succeed in math."

[jbug]

I didn't find out I was borderline until about 9 years ago. I too am wishy washy but have begun to work on that. I am starting to make decisions on my own then letting people know that I have done it. Like my gastric bypass surgery...I researched it, got the doctor, lined up the appointment then said I need someone to go with me on such and such a date and shocked the family because they didn't think I could make such an important decision.
My therapist tells me that I will be able to just have the diagnosis of borderline tendoncies. I am striving for that. I recommend that you get the book Angry Heart. It helped me out a lot work through my emotions being in turmoil so much. Being told you have bpd isn't a death sentence my T tells me its just a learned set of behaviors that needs to be unlearned and I believe you can do it.


Jbug