[Twisted_Soul]

I have serious abandonment issues and I wish I knew how to believe certain people were not going to leave me!
It seems like when they say they care it gets all twisted in my head. Like when my T tells me she isn't going to leave me but doesn't return calls. Or when my wife says she will always be there for me.
Somehow, I get these crazy thoughts all warped and it is like I have such feelings of being alone and hurt and scared.
I wish I could be as tough on the inside as I appear on the outside.
Just feeling all alone tonight!

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

(((((((( ts )))))))))) I do the same thing with T and all....I have no good advice because I am a lot like you in this respect. Just wanted you to know I care and can identify

[Twisted_Soul]

Thanks Sleeps...
Being a Borderline is both unique and aggravating.
The abandonment issues I suffer from really make my life so more difficult then it probably should be.

The slightest things make me feel so betrayed and abandoned.
I internalize so many small things...that when the big things come up they destroy me!

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

((( TS ))) I do not suffer from BPD but I do have PTSD AND anxiety ..as well as SAD ...LOL WHAT A MESS I AM..I have read on BPD and know abandonment is a huge issue and it is for me too but not the same way...but when I feel adandoned I know how terrible I feel so I know you must feel bad a lot and very needy..I get very needy and frustrated when I feel abandoned like with my T and all ...I keep it inside./.thats not good...but inside I am screaming and needy and wanting to grab his pant leg ..Outside I look very laid back...It suxs..so I do feel for you

[Twisted_Soul]

Yeah, like when T asked me last night if I needed her to come in last week while she was on vacation to see me and I was like, "oh no, I wouldn't ever want you to do that" but Inside I was like omg, yes, that is all I needed.
The battle rages within and I try to look mature and together @ times but inside the Little Girl is screaming please just hug me or something....

ARRGG

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I do that too TS...a lot.....lol like PACK ME IN YOUR SUITCASE is in my head but outside I am all....not an issue...I know it sucks..and I just sometimes end up being so together that I end up....unhelped...OR have you ever said something asking for help and then been blown off....I have and that just reinforces it for me

[toonkate]

i get this bad too
im constantly paranoid ppl are going to leave me, friends, family, doctors, everyone.
i get so paranoid somtimes you wouldnt beleive the things that go round in my head!!

[Twisted_Soul]

Hey toonkate>>> I bet ya those things that swirl in your head are about the same for me too. It is god awful too!
Sorry you have to deal w/ these issues too.

[(JD)]

(Welcome to PC toonkate)

AWWW I think the T knows your issues, and was great in asking! I hope next time you can ask her, "Would you do that?" I think all of us, with a T, worry from time to time that the T will leave.

Please do discuss her return call policy. It helped me to do that with my T. He says if he doesn't return my call within the hour, to call again, as it may have dropped off or been unintelligible. Of course, other Ts might need several hours, but it would be good to know what to do rather than wait in axiety, imo. TC

[allthegirls6]

I sorta feel the same, exPecting those I care about to leave or to not really want to be around me. Its not easy is it.

ATG

[Twisted_Soul]

Sure isn't ATG. And, what makes it even worse is when you are having extreme abandonment anxiety and others attack you thinking you are just being attention seeking or silly.

I wish it wasn't true what goes on in my mind!

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Mine too TS.....

[Fuzzybear]

[crackednfragile]

I have the same problem. In fact, I felt bummed all weekend because I got some notion in my head that my "T" was leaving and then I worry because I don't think I can make it without a "T". I am considered a Linehan borderline but I don't know if they have me on the DSM IV yet. I'm the last to know....blah,

[Twisted_Soul]

Crackedandfragile: Hang in there my friend.
Abandonment feelings can be so intense. I understand.
I think that my T is just a call away from telling me she can no longer see me as a client. She hasn't given any indication of this, I just get so worried.
Linehan has researched a lot on BPD. Most views come from her research and working with Borderlines.

[crackednfragile]

Thanks - My mind can get so distorted and plays tricks/what a battle. Yeah, I fulfill Linehan's definition of BPD on all counts....that's why I'm going through the DBT.. It is frustrating because I have all the comorbs to go with it.

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Twisted_Soul said:
Sure isn't ATG. And, what makes it even worse is when you are having extreme abandonment anxiety and others attack you thinking you are just being attention seeking or silly.

I wish it wasn't true what goes on in my mind!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

THIS IS SPOT ON.

Seriously I have been called every name in the book because of having this issue. Psycho, clingy, stupid, childish etc.

I TRY to avoid engaging the feeling but man its hard..

[Fuzzybear]

........

[allthegirls6]

I agree good post.

[Twisted_Soul]

yes Rainbowzz. It is completely impossible @ times. I can sometimes calm myself to not look so out of place and pathetic like others conjure me up to be...but Christ, the slightest thing makes me feel alone and worthless and abandoned!