abandonment issues

Feeling scared tonight. Not sure what has triggered it. Feeling lost, alone, abandoned. Silly things can set me off. Like, my counsellor stopped sessions with me to allow the assessment by the psychologist to go ahead. She said I could email her and tell her how things are going, and I have, several times, but she hasn't responded at all. I guess I slipped into the habit of seeing her as a friend more than as someone with a job to do. I emailed David and Lorraine (friends who have been very supportive) to tell them how the appointment went, and they haven't replied either. I emailed the mental health team worker who is supposed to be my link last week and she didn't reply. She only works Thursdays and Fridays and I am finding that hard. I have asked if she and I can meet up this week to talk but I don't know what I want to talk about - I just want someone to listen. It's half term so I won't be seeing my colleagues at work (I am a teacher). My dr is off this week so I won't be seeing him either (I see him most weeks at the moment). It just feels like I am being abandoned, like I have asked too much of people and now they don't want to know me. At the same time I can't seem to reach out and check these things out with anyone. I mean, it seems so pathetic and part of me knows my reactions are skewed, but it still feels like abandonment, it still feels like a confirmation that I am unacceptable.

Caroline, you've been a wonderful companion since I started on the DID sight. I'm thinking of you and hope that the others respond to you quickly. It can seem like a lifetime when you need to talk or just let someone know that you are hurting. "we" understand and are here for you!

i know that feeling, when you reach out to people and its like no ones home. please dont see it as a sign of rejection. sometimes, when you need them the most, people get caught up in the problems and issues of their own lives. it does not mean that they dont care or that theyre sick of you.
as for the psychologist, i think its insensitive of her to not find the time to respond to you, especially after she volunteered her e-mail.
as for your friends, i think you should reach out to them. true friends are willing to listen and when you tell them how you feel, no doubt you will find that they really do want to be there for you. you most certainly are NOT pathetic. in fact, i think what youre feeling is normal. its difficult when we have problems to tell whether or not others are overwhelmed by them. i get that feeling a lot. just try to trust in how people feel about you. the ones who care want to be there. and know that everyone here wants to listen to you, so whether youre feeling alone or sad or whatever it is, share and we'll respond.
big hugs, and i hope you feel better soon.

Thank you iamanne. I'm struggling with all this. I want to just hide away - and I know that is a form of self sabotage, because it could easily "prove" that others have turned their back on me if I am not around for them to show otherwise. I just want to know that someone has heard.

thank you greenfairy

I know - logically - that I should not see this as rejection. I even know all the reasons why they might not have responded. It still hurts though, and it still feels like rejection.

Caroline, you have been a wonderful friend to me here on PC. i'm sorry that you're feeling hurt and down. sometimes IRL we don't know what other people are doing or why we don't hear from them.

this may sound trite but Van Morrison wrote a song that goes "if he doesn't call, it just means he didn't call"...applying that to your mental health issues might be hard. but i use it a lot and i immediately feel better. i quit taking it personally and try to put myself into the other person's shoes. love, pat

Thank you Pat. Yes, it makes sense and it doesn't sound trite. I suppose what I am struggling with is not the logical but the emotional perspective. But you are right, I need to stop taking it personally. I will continue to work on it.
Thank you for the kind comments. I don't see how I can deserve them, but thank you for feeling that way and for saying it.

I have a seious problem and am not sure which topic to go to. I am/was married to a chronic, serious liar. he promised to support me, but has failed miserably. He gives me just a little money every once in a while, but he still says he loves me.

I no longer love him, but can't afford to dump him altogether as I can't live n SSI alone. He's a truck driver, and rarely is home. I just found out he has a fiancee in another town. We got a divorce so I could get SSI - it was not supposed to mean anything except legally. Now I can't even sue him for alimony.

I don't know what to do. I'm not young and pretty like i used to be.

Where should I go for help? I'm bi-polar and on 4 meds already. there's no therapy available at the clinic I go to.
I'm scared to death of my future. I have two dogs, a cat and a horse who depend on me. Two of the dogs and the horse are too old to find new homes for - no one would want them and it would break all our hearts to be separated after all these years together. My truck is breaking down and I have no money to fix it or get another one.

My friends say I should get on a match-making site and find someone else, but I am so depressed and anxious I don't think I could make a good impression. Plus, the number of men that interest me is few, and I'd likely choose a bad one again. (I've been married 5 times.)

Thank you.

I didn't mean to minimize Caroline's problem - I know how she feels, too. I just don't have any answers right now. I'm suffering from a near panic attack at this moment.

I've been up al night - can't sleep. i fall asleep at the coputer, but when i lie down, all the hell of yesterday a,d what am I going to do starts running through my head.

Since my hubsnad lies abouy everything, it's pointless to ask him wha his intentions are - to marry his fiancee or stick with me. He'll only say what he thinks I want to hear or what covers his butt the best. So I'm left with wondering and waiting. I guess Icould go sign up for the Yahoo Personals, but it costs money that I can ill afford. The freeibe ad won't let you reply to anyone, ad won't let you list any contact info.

On no sleep, I'm rambling. Can't type, either. The anger and rage and depressioin is really bad.

I think he has worse mental problems than I do. His behavior is so erratic, so...insane....I wonder if he's schizo or bi-polar himself. He won't go to couseling, but Im very tempted to tell him he needs to get a diagnosis. I do'nt know...''Im tying to find a place of center and balance, but it's not there. Three days ago he was engaged to some woman. yesterday he loved me (or said he did - he did come home, and at least brought a little money. Why would he boher to come back at all, after he changed cell numbers and disappeared for almost two weeks? He could have njust disappppered forwever. Three days ago he listed the other woman (if there's only one!); yesterday he assure dme he would have me put n the list of contacts and change his address on the ocntract (for the lease of his truck with the company.) That's probably a lie - he won't do it.

My neighbor is telling me to "hone my wiles" and make myself more enticing, to get him to keep coing back and brindng money. I feel like a *****. I'm not good at being a vamp, anyway; I'm just an old tomboy country gal. A wWYSIWYG.

"To thine own self be true".... what is true? What is right?

Ihoped that by now someone might have read my earlier posts and had some input. I guess I'm in a hurry. I can't go on like this. I have to make a move, ne way or the other....fallinga asleep again... am going to try to go back to bed.

Still do'nt kno w if I'm in the right topic for this.

mysterious,

I think it might be better for you and Caroline, if you start a new topic.
Then people can respond to either. Your issues may be different to Caroline's.

What? Each person starts a new topic for their particular problem? there would be thousands of topics if everyone did that. Apparently this forum doesn't support threads, which would be the way to do that.

Why should I continue using this forum, anyway? No one has responded to my plea for help at all.

Good luck, Caroline.

I hope you at lest read my posts - it might put your problem in perspective.

At least you HAVE a husband, a job, money and a decent home (I assume), and people who respond to your posts.
I may not even be able to afford to feed my family (all 4-legged - food stamps won't pay for that) after this month. And no one has bothered to reply to me at all, except to tell me to go someplace else.

I am sorry you haven't had many responses to your post (starting a new thread isn't compulsory, but does tend to get more replies) I don't have any answers, but I do care,
Maybe give the forum another chance? Your call though
Fuzzy

i also hope that you will give the forums more of a chance....as you can see.alot of folks are reading your posts....sometimes when someone is new it takes folks a little longer to get comfortable at responding to their posts.....