Please comment..at least read...empathy?

First this is long but give it a chance…empaths, the BPD’s Need Your Light painfully desperately. BPD’s just read it, and see if you can relate to any of it…whats it gonna hurt.

Ok so I have recently met a few empaths by coincidence? maybe? anyway, this got me curious about what being an “empath” really was. Background info on me: I was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My whole life I have been sensitive. Walking into rooms and get overwhelmed with emotions but not sure where they came from. My therapist tells me I take others pain and hold it inside as well as my own and learned a behavior from most likely my family masking my pain from the world since I was young. Now in my thirties I have seemed to have a bit of a breakdown I dont seem to know who I am anymore. I am intensely sensitive to others words, the look on their face, the tone of their voice..I panic easily now, clinical depression, suicidal thoughts the whole gamut. I have most of the classic signs of BPD….but my whole life whether or not I really believed it I always tried to think of my self as a positive person, I cant help but help others and this sometimes is at my own expense. I have found that when I have lived in areas with little access to water(lakes, streams, oceans) I would feel trapt or uneasy. When I was young I remember sitting on a hill closing my eyes and focusing on the wind feeling as if it carried me as I guided its gusts (I was probably 8-10) The wind has always made me feel free. Right now, I am working really hard in therapy and out to change the “way” I think. I “think” everything is my fault. I “think” the worst will happen. I have been carrying so much guilt and negativity it was litterally killing me. Empaths know that if you “think” it, that will be what happens think positive…but the BPD cant see that light because so much darkness is in front of them.
So back to the empath thing and my question. After researching the qualities associated with empaths and speaking with the 3 total strangers who dont know each other who just kinda bumped into me in the same week, I seem to have alot of the same qualities.

My question is… could perhaps many people with BPD just be empaths who during childhood had those qualities discouraged and pushed down inside. Could many of us with this horribly painful “disorder” just be dealing with years of not recognizing and learning our empath abilities? Years of denying who we are by denying a signifigant part of our personalities…of ourselves. Years of carrying others pain and turning that pain on ourselves because we just couldnt figure out a.where it came from and b. what to do with it. This internal struggle of who we are and who we were told to be since early childhood was incredibly destructive. the symptoms of BPD could easily have manifested from this damage…the dam has to bust eventually empaths understand they can only hold others pain so long before clensing is required. They understand that the emotion they feel is not always theirs but the emotion of the other person….BPD’s have all these emotions they pick up because they are highly sensative but dont understand why they are suicidal when their logical mind knows its not that bad, but the emotions are still there storming and overwhelming.
I am crossposting this question at a forum of empaths as well as a BPD forum.

I would like the BPD people to read about what being an empath or having empath qualities are and open their mind up enough just to consider had we nourished our sensativity we might not be as tormented as we are.

I would like the experienced or even little experienced empaths to read about what being BPD is like. The clinical description doesnt even start to go into the internal struggle we go thru only the outside symptoms that the world can see and study and measure. Look past that and imagine if for most of your life you had no idea where all these emotions were coming from and the only logical explanation is “its your fault…its all in your head…you are the crazy one…blame yourself for that guilt you are carrying” and never understanding how to “let go” and imagine how much damage would be done.

Or maybe Im just hokey and seeing whats not there again. My T said I live in the “what might happen world” when my thoughts get carried away…instead of the right now world. All I really know is…years of filling and living in negative mode WILL kill me soon. It is up to me to do whatever I have to do to bring the positive back. One of the people I met this past week told me to write down every name of every one I had ever met..family, coworkers, neighbors, boyfriends, friends with benefits, even him, and then burn it and let go of all of their pain and then see whats left that is actually mine… at first I laughed..kooky hippy boy that will never work (negativity) but then I thought what the hell…so I did I even included my name on the list…writing some of those names hurt. They were names I avoided thinking of…out of sight out of mind pretending they werent there even tho they lurked in the shadows. The next day I woke with a horrible cold…but…I also noticed I felt ..lighter. I kinda actually looked forward to going to work and I am starting a job I didnt really think I wanted or could do (doubt,negativity) so I tried an affirmation before I went to sleep…just one. Tomorow will be a good day, I will be strong and confident and do an amazing job….well tomorow is over and I was strong all day. Something just clicked.. I have always worked sales/cust service…but this kind of sales has always intimidated me even tho I KNOW I could do well in it.(selling cars) But today day 3 of training.. I was jumping on customers even tho I wasnt supposed to yet when no one else was there to do it.. The strong me poked its head out..that me was lost I thought.

Thoughts anyone?….links below.

What is Empathy?

Empathy Forum … you will have to sign up with ezboard to read it

Hi there! With regards to being empathic... my suggestion would be to develop your own energies... strengthen your own aura.. and that will help you keep other's feelings etc at a distance... perhaps, if that alleviates some of your suffering, then you could follow that path? TC!

I just thought someone on here might like a perspective they hadnt thought about before...I hadnt..therapy aka torture was going in circles, meds never worked anyways...if it helps one person that will be more than enough.

Hey.. I have little knowledge or experience in either of these areas but what you are suggesting makes perfect sense to me... and the way you have written your theory is superb!

I hope you continue to study this option and I hope you find relief from torment soon....

Peace... Faith

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I believe that I have BPD, as I do meet the criteria for it, although nobody has diagnosed me with BPD (I think because of the stigma associated with it). I have also always been sensitive, at least to some things. It would be interesting to find out how many people with BPD tend to be empathic. Whether or not you can find a solid correlation there, I believe that BPD does have a lot to do with not being allowed to be who you are (whoever that is), and the conflict or identity crisis that results. It is a disorder of disturbed relationships also. BPD additionally has dissociative symptoms, and is almost always related to childhood trauma, in my opinion. It is also my experience that people with any kind of dissociative disorders (which I feel are dissociative abilities developed to a point past where they are helpful and actually cause poblems) tend to have high intelligence, resourcefulness, and many abilities. Empathy could be one of those abilities, and may even be related to the ability to dissociate.

Just a few thoughts. You asked an interesting question.

Oh I agree with you Rapunzel about the disassociation..on one of the other pages it had this line this one about worry and change
"
The ‘trapped syndrome’ is being trapped in ones own thoughts, creating such that one simply refuses to allow any other positive thought to flow. Self-responsibility. Being responsible for the thoughts created.It is being responsible for self, thoughts, actions, and in-actions... All of it stems from choices, and until one is ready to accept that it originates from self, the perception of life in the Whole struggles with change."
Any change causes great turmoil in my head but this makes sense to me. We choose to hang on to the damage from the childhood trauma.

another line from one of the pages said "It can affect relationships with a partner, family, friend or potential friends. The empath can get overloaded with other people’s emotions and even become seriously drained of his or her own personal energy. Learning to become aware of his or her “own” feelings as just that, belonging to and originating from one's self only will help tremendously. Otherwise, an empath can unknowingly take on board another's feelings/emotions.

This is most noticeable in situations where an empath can take on the “anger” or “stress” of others. Suddenly, without reason, he or she may become angry, have outbursts, or find him or herself retaliating. Essentially, the empath is sending the anger or stress back to its owner, although he or she will assume the anger or stress is his/her own. If an empath finds him or herself in this situation, he or she can expect to have taken on someone else's feeling. "...

However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at “blocking out” others and that’s not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings."

Only we took blocking a step further...our coping strategy. I was neither abused nor neglected. But I did grow up in a household where little affection was shown, is the only thing we can figure triggered this response.... Im not saying all borderlines are empaths but some may be... I rather think of having a talent gone wrong and undernourished than having a disorder. At least even though some of it may sound a bit kooky, it is a positive twist to our sensativity maybe we can turn our curse into a positive thing for a change. I have read that many work their way out thru years of talk therapy..I dont have years. I am 33...1/3 of my life is already over. I dont want to live the last 2/3 in torment. Change comes from within...and many of us fear change..we choose tohang onto that pain why not choose to let it go?

I relate and have wondered a lot about the same things. Lots of room for thought here.

Thank-you for this information. I am getting to realize that after I made a list of 10 emotions, I found I had 400 that day. Not only that but they are more heavy. The biker-*****, the mobster, the black, the soft abused woman, the theif, the rich banker, the underwear salesman, the ***** on the block, the gay man, etc... Anyway, I offended a bunch of my friends recently in group therapy because it was my idea to list for a week each days ten feelings and or emotions and each day my pen went on and on and on and on. I upset the entire group so terribly this week that I am almost not welcome back (Cool down-they said; get balanced- then come back they said, she is in the movies-they said) Anyway, I had a therapist appointment and we had to re-evaluate the 6o day "Goals" written plan and I told her I needed to set up 3 appointments to discuss the issue of my just getting over and thru a long standing eating disorder, but needed to have atleast 10 appointments to talk about intergrating and getting out my 100;s of alter-egos that I had just discovered in my other group which I voluntarily lead on Fridays and Sundays; well she almost fell out of her chair, looking and staring at me with he mouth hanging wide open. I said, to her well if you aren't interested in doing this, I won't bother you, I told her my therapist that (passed away from old age) was helping me at one time with Dissassotiave type questions and we worked alittle on it. ( Man lately in social places, I have been showing....if you understand me..) Anyway, I hold to my guns and my better self esteem. I am going to college, an 46, and struggle with so much, but keep hanging on and trying no matter what people say. That is also just it. From one day to the next I am "potluck" even to myself. Well I have been babbling and will go to the site you noted and read and think about what you said. YOu sound very wise and intelligent, like me. Thank you, for making my life alittle moree bearible. I am going to be ok and not ever get stuck on yesterday or too stuck on what others comment about me . They say, "she is crazy-Robin-here she comes- I know I am not and I know I am smart, and I know I am a good woman, I know I am empowered, I know I DO Have Self ESTEEM, THROUGH IT ALL, I CAN FACE TOMORROW, THROUGH IT ALL (remembering an Andre Crouch song from a while ago-..)

I believe everyone is empathetic, just as everyone is creative but some have more/less aptitude/traits and perhaps training and skill comes into it also. Too, some people probably get hurt or bothered and try to squelch things that frighten them or that they don't understand.

Read some of Dr. Judith Orloff's books, she makes a lot of things understandable (at least did for me):

http://www.drjudithorloff.com/default.asp

you seem to be asking the question "why me?" the simple answer is
that this is the road you must take and the challenges you must overcome in order to be of use to other people who are having these problems.To help someone out of a bad place its helpful if you know where they're at or if you've been there,empathy say's "i used to have a hole in my boat,heres how I fixed it" Keep focused on living "on purpouse" and all of the periphial issues will take care of themselves.

Wow, I didn't know empaths had their own site. Very cool. I will definitely have to check that site out...

Re: your questions/ponderings about empathy and the borderline personality. I think you have described matters quite well.

Being highly sensitive would naturally bring to the fore of one's personality, empathic strengths. It is also an innate quality of most children - a natural or instinctual protection of sorts. Since we, as children, are unable to formulate logic and reason to protect ourselves, "feeling" our surroundings is really the only "personal" protective mechanism we have.

I have found (and also think I read it somewhere) that this ability tends to disappear as we grow and are encouraged to use more logic and reasoning skills in its stead. If I had to guess an age at when this change of thinking/feeling occurs, I would say, around 12 or 13 years-old, when emotionality is no longer an acceptable way to express ourselves.

I, myself, was VERY MUCH AWARE of this transition in my own life and was about at that age. I distinctly recall my mother saying to me that I had to start thinking more "practically," and to pay no attention to my "psychic/empathic" feelings (her motives were tied to religious fears as well as just being a logical, practical adult advising her young child - both valid points, really, AND seemingly unharmful to a child's psyche - when she didn't/couldn't know otherwise). It made an incredibly powerful impression on me now that I am looking back...it shook my world and not in a good way! I almost felt evil (religious aspect) and tried to quell those instincts. I didn't want to, though. I knew in my heart those strong feelings were there to protect me and I don't think I could have ever entirely shut them off. As a matter of fact, they have kept me alive on more than one occasion, especially when I have been in the extremes of my illnesses and addictions.

We also live in an era where (pure?) logic rules the world. Logic - cold and calculating - does not have the capacity for empathy, feelings, biases or any such thing. Indeed, it is meant to be that way - that is what logic(science) is. (And it would screw with their perfect equations if they had to include the highly chaotic nature of "feelings" into it - no longer a "beautiful" work of art would it be! Just a messy, nonsensical pile of numbers and symbols?!) Just joking! I am constantly in awe of what science has been doing these days.

In our time of technology, science and logic are considered THE ONLY STANDARD by which to judge; where "logic" is the only acceptable answer. Oh, sure, it may seem as though people are more spiritual these days, but really, we are all affected by this standard completely. C'mon, just look at how people are perceived in general society when it is made known that the source of their knowledge is gained through something like intuition or empathy or telepathy? They are considered to be ILLOGICAL; unbalanced, weird, not "right," ill(?) - mentally ill! They are even studied; themselves as a science project.

So, yes, I do believe it is trained out of us. And for the most part, I believe to a degree, it should be. We are, after all, a combination of both logic and emotion. It would not be too wise to COMPLETELY rely on intuition all the time. We would end up totally paralyzed or dead. Not even the highest of empaths/telepaths solely rely on their intuition and/or instincts. They couldn't - how could they get on with life?

Oh wow, I babbled on so much, I forgot my point...wait...
um...

Oh yeah, as an empath and a borderline, you gotta find balance - as we all do. VERY COOL that you experienced results so quickly as you changed your thinking and behaviours. At least you know that what you are doing can work and will give you hope in the future when things are again, in a whirl.

You do know that BPD's have very strong minds, don't you? That is why we are considered to be "notoriously difficult to treat..."

Thanks for the empath path. It was an interesting read.

Like all good BPD's, I am gonna apologize for rambling. Hope this makes sense and I hope I answered something for you! I'm not quite sure now. I may have just got you caught up in my...

Altered State