I exploded

Everything was getting on my nerves, and I just lost it.

My son was talking about how the dog still isn't housebroken. Thinking about that got me really irritated. It's been four months, and she's still sneaking upstairs and going to the bathroom, even after I ripped out the carpet that she's ruined, hoping she wouldn't go on the wood floor. She doesn't go on the wood floor downstairs. She has to sneak upstairs and do it instead of letting someone know she needs to go out. She still rips stuff to shreds, papers and shoes mostly. She still can't be left home alone. I want to give her back to the shelter, but too many people would be disappointed if I did.

Then my son was watching this show I absolutely HATE. It's Crank Yankers on MTV2. I asked him repeatedly to turn it off. He just kept laughing.

So I'm ticked about the dog. I'm ticked about this show and my son laughing and repeating the idiotic crap the puppets were saying.

I just lost it. I started screaming. I ran in the living room and practically threw the TV on the floor so I didn't have to listen to it anymore. My son screamed "NOOOOO" so I stopped, but I managed to scream at him to "just shut the f*** UP" because he kept mimicking the show. I pounded on the TV and then managed to turned it off.

He turned it back on a few minutes later and the color was all screwed up. Great. I busted the TV in my fit of rage.

I had to call the crisis line, I was so upset. I was feeling like absolute crap, especially over the fact that my boyfriend is Mr. Never Let's Anything Bother Him and here I am screaming at the top of my lungs over a dog and a stupid TV show. I feel like I should just break up with him right now because I'm such a loser. I haven't had anything like this happen in years. I don't know why it had to happen now of all times. The crisis worker said I shouldn't beat myself up about it, that parenting is hard and we all lose it sometimes. Still, I shouldn't have lost it as bad as I did, and I can't understand why I did.

My son was mad. He went out and was going to sleep in the car. First he hooked the dog up on her cable. She wouldn't come in the house. She sat outside the car whining at him because she was worried. She's still moping around the house and acting like she did something wrong.

My daughter was pissed even though I wasn't mad at her. She took off even after I told her she wasn't going to leave the house at 10:00, in the dark, and go walking. She decided otherwise. She called from a friend's house and left a very curt voicemail saying she was staying overnight.

My son comes back inside and meant to toss his cell phone on the couch, but it overshot it's mark and went through the window that leads to the enclosed porch.

So now I'm thinking I have a busted TV and a busted window to replace. Turns out the TV readjusted the color after it was shut off for a while. But I still have a broken window.

My son and I were eventually able to laugh about everything. He was mostly mad about the TV, and since that ended up OK, he couldn't stay mad.

I'm so disappointed in myself for this and I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship because what if this happens again? How could I go so ballistic over a dog and a TV show? How?

I have noticed you have a couple of threads where when things are going poorly you wonder if you should be in this relationship , like you do not deserve it. You may want to look at that pattern of thinking. Can you blame the dog or your daughter for being uncomfortable about being in the house after you went into such a rage. I am wondering if you could do some free therapy ..I know you have posted money is tight this would be to work on your anger. You seem to have a lot of anger in you. I have seen that in some threads. I feel for you because I can tell you feel really bad So know I am trying to help. Also you may want to work on this because if your boyfriend were to witness it you could very well scare him off and you would both miss out. I know if I were dating someone and saw something like that that would be it for me and I bet you would do the same...Anger can be managed. You can work on this. It will work out. The dog as long as there is stress like this in the house will be harder to housetrain. I am sorry you feel so bad and hope you seek some help in person.

Aw man, Wi_fighter I just saw that you called, too I agree with something that Pasdedeux said about your pattern of automatically questioning your relationship when you're stressed. The rest of it, I think you know already, but I'm not really convinced that he's the kind of guy that gets scared off easily. So don't be too hard on yourself for that -- he needs to know the real you, for better or for worse (and most of it is for better, so you're in the clear).

I do want to comment on the dog. We were in this dog thing together, and when you said that the dog is freaking you out but "too many ppl would be disappointed" if you gave her back to the shelter... honestly? If she stresses you out this badly, then I would NOT be disappointed if you gave her back. I want what's best for you, but also, as an animal lover, it's not good for her if your relationship with her is strained. In fact, I think it's likely to be perpetuating itself. There needs to be the right chemistry and circumstances, and if it's not the right time or fit, then you both might be better off trying something else.

I care about you very much and I'm sad that you're worrying so much. Tell me what I can do to help, ok?

Well, yeah, I'm going to question the relationship when I get upset with the kids. Look at what he does for a living for crying out loud!

As far as having "a lot of anger" and seeing that "in some threads." This is an online message board. People tend to act a little more intensely that they would in their 3D relationships, and other people can read "anger" when that's not what it is. I said I haven't had anything like this happen in years (other than when I was on too high of a dose of Wellbutrin for a few weeks and I was highly irritable and sleep deprived). So, no, I can't say that I need anger management, nor do any of the mental health workers I've spoken to, even when I've mentioned flying off the handle in the past. My first appt. with my V.A. therapist is on Wednesday, the 30th. I have a $15 co-pay with them, and meds are $8 a month.

I get suggestions on how to housetrain the dog. "When she starts to pee, pick her up and flip her on her back so she starts peeing on herself. Dogs hate that. Get her outside and when she finishes going, tell her what a good dog she is." OK, fine, if she were peeing somewhere near a door and wasn't 50 freakin' pounds of muscle (Spaniel/Rottweiler mix. Size of a Spaniel, muscle bulk of a Rottie). You just can't move her that easily. The one time I tried to do it, I lost my balance and nearly hyperextended my knee, plus fell back against a less than super-sturdy stair railing. I'd have to carry her down the stairs, through the living room, through the kitchen, and get her hooked up on her chain so she doesn't run away once she's outside. The times I've caught her peeing in the past and started going "hey, hey, hey, hey, hey" she just looks at me and keeps going. The person making the suggestion hadn't had the opportunity to pick her up yet. Once they did, they were "OMG, this dog is solid. She's really hard to move" Yeah, no duh!

We can leave her alone in the house with his three dogs and she does fine. We were gone on Sunday for over 4 hours and she didn't make a mess or destroy anything. When we left her alone with his dogs and his daughter while we went to a movie she did fine, until she realized the daughter was in the house, then she peed on the carpet, so it's not just me she does it around. If there's a person in the house, regardless of who it is and whether I'm there or not, she has accidents. I've gone back to baby gating the kitchen door when I'm in here and blocking off the upstairs again, but it's only a Band-Aid fix.

LMo, I don't know what you can do other than tell me I'm not the piece of s hit lunatic that I feel like right now, but I guess that's what I really am.

I know you pretty well, and as you know, I'm not going to sugarcoat or placate you. That being said, I don't think you have an anger problem. You're under a lot of stress, but I don't see built-up anger.

Hi WI_Fighter,
If that explosion is the worst you can do when you're having a very bad day then you're in pretty good shape. You didn't hit your kids, you didn't kick the dog. Pat yourself on the back.
(((((WI_Fighter)))))

Thanks Jax. Today was better.

The three of us dog proofed the living room and blocked off the entryways to the other rooms, and then we went to Art Street for the afternoon. We were gone for four hours and she did fine. She wasn't even panicky when we got home. She just walked up to the baby gate between the LR and kitchen and waited for us to come over by her. Nothing chewed except her bones and Kong. No potty accidents. Nothing. All she'd done was dislodge the blankets that we'd put on the couch, and that was to be expected. We even draped the couch in a plastic drop cloth first, so if she had an accident, it would just get on the blankets.

I figured if she did fine with my b/f's dogs, she ought to do pretty well with the cats and the TV turned to Animal Planet.

She did way better than any of us expected. We're in a pleasant state of shock.

Found this article, Shirl.

Don't know if it will help but it did mention leaving the TV on.

Pets

Good, so then you will keep the dog? If so I am glad. Maybe bf can help with the dog or take it should it keep stressing you. Did anyone ever suggest crate training? Its a great way to housetrain a dog and keep your home safe. The methods some suggested that you listed above are rather cruel.
I am also glad you have an appointment and maybe it still would not hurt to talk about anger and also the stress and frustration you have had that lead to the rage you mention. Wishing you the best

I know keeping the dog is important, but not if she can't be housebroken. Try this, and maybe it will work (I trained my puppy in a day or so) Of course, your dog already has a bad habit going.. (literally ) Don't leave food and water down for the dog. DO give dog water throughout day,as she looks for it, AS SOON AS she has a drink or food, take her RIGHT outside on leash or in hand (how big is it? lol) and place the dog where you want her to "go." Once she does go, praise the dog lavishly, and take her back inside.

Hope she will train easily for you. TC!

God that really, really sounds like a rough day but after reading all I really believe your frustration was coming from somewhere else. You`re not a piece of crap just human but sometimes when everything is getting on your nerves it`s just better to pull away from the situation so you don`t hurt others with your words.I am also an animal lover and yes dogs do feel tension wether with you or anyone else in the house. Every dog is different maybe this dog needs more patience. I`m glad you laughed with your son after cause seeing our parents like this can really hurt. I hope you`re doing better & getting the help you need can calm you down Good luck!

Try some Family Therapy and one on one therapy. I think you would really benefit from that! That is not a good coping skill. You should tell your son to work with the dog or you will take it to the ASPCA and that TV is limited to an hour a day. Make some rules. Do not get angry and throw things no matter how mad you are and make some time for just you, do Yoga, a book club curves or something to have some Mom time and get your mind off of it to work off some steam.