Please.........

If anyone doesn't like my posts or finds them triggering, I politely suggest you do not read them. I try to do the same with people who frequently trigger me.

Regards
Fuzzy

excellent coping methodology!

i replied, ergo i read you because i don't find you triggering. there are others i'm learning to avoid

Thanks!!

For me, its useful to give this subject an airing, how we respond to eachother, or dont respond.
I write here because I long to make contact at a deep level, and I feel this is a place to challenge myself and learn to relate. I think I'm trying to do a developmental stage here, which I failed to do in therapy.
When I post, I dissolve with neediness for positive replies, maybe I come accross as knowing some stuff, and I do, but I recognise that inside, I've got the emotional age of a toddler going on, as well as all my pd reactions. for example i step right into the unwanted role, when I first read your post fuzzy, I felt it was me you were talking to.

I'm here in order to try to bring myself back out of exile and make human contact and prevent myself from floating off the planet out of range of human contact. when I look down the boxes and see I was the last one to share and didnt get answered, I die of shame, and feel like giving up.

So, I dont know, if some of this vulnerability is related to any of what you've been experiencing.

How do you grow up? Im not making as good a job of it as I'd hoped. I seem to reamain insatiably needy, cant feel a secure senst of belonging. My pattern is to walk and somewhere else becomes where the cookies at, but i'm trying to stay present and be honest about my feelings. I'm glad you came back and kept talking.

Ive heard recovery is an inside job, then I've also heard we heal in relationship, oh god, its difficult at the minut for me, I feel like I've been running, I think I've done really well, then look round and find I'm in exactly the same ................... place.

river.

Thanks RiverX, I appreciate your reply, and I do relate! Sorry this is so short, maybe I'll have more to say later when I'm less

I'm glad you're here, and that's said with 100 percent sincerity.

I also think many many people take posts personally sometimes... I know I do, and it hurts even if they aren't about me! (Not a good place to be. (-(

It's not working. I still read posts that hurt me. I do it to try to protect myself but it doesn't really work. And I think everyone wants to work on themselves and to support others as and when they are able to. I KNOW I do!!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
RiverX said:
I've got the emotional age of a toddler going on, as well as all my pd reactions.

How do you grow up? Im not making as good a job of it as I'd hoped. I seem to reamain insatiably needy, cant feel a secure senst of belonging.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I can really identify with this River, I too am stuck at about 3yrs old. But I haven't considered a desire to want to grow out of this. I like being as open and honest (and vulnerable) as a 3yo. I wish everyone was that way - maybe we'd all treat eachother better.

I still have a desire to belong, but have been alone (emotionally) for my whole life, so don't seek to belong to the point of doing much about it. Resignation I guess.

For me, I find that I have a big desire to help and to nurture others in pain. But when things get dicey (impending death for example) I pull away - I feel I don't have the emotional resources to HELP. Most of the time tho, helping requires a great deal of typing and I have an arm disability that prevents me from being at the computer for more than 20min at a time. I can spend myself too easily between the various support groups I belong to online.

Please don't take my dissappearing act personally. It could be my arms... or it could be me just backing away until I have some advice/resources that will be TRULY helpful.

A

Thanks for your post. I know it wasn't addressed to me but I appreciate your sharing and I need all the help and insight I can get to try to move past that place.


I like my "toddler" too, most of the time. Although not everyone does.

I should have addresses it to you as well Fuzzy, I was hoping you'd see that there are a plentitude of reasons why people do things that may for whatever reason, knock us off our feet. Yes, moving PAST that place is not easy.

(((((((Fuzzy))))))))

Thank you fuzzy,
But isnt it amazing how it works, </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It's not working. I still read posts that hurt me

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
when people tell their vulnerable truth it makes me feel better more than any (or nearly all) advice could.

It really helps, the things you say, I wonder what it takes for us to feel less so, so, vulnerable, I mean .. well for me it gets unmanagable, I'm sure thats not necassary, .. maybe we could both keep a watch and see what if anything makes it better.

It has been an issue for me all my life, on and off.

riverx

Hi VoN

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I still have a desire to belong, but have been alone (emotionally) for my whole life,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Good to see you back.

river