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#1
Dec 23, 2007, 10:25 AM
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I wish I could make amends to the people IRL and online who I have hurt because of my disorders, but I know I can't. I can only work on me, from today.... I realise now how wrong and stupid some of the things I have done have been. That includes with my mother when I was about 20, I was very angry at that age for lots of reasons but I was so wrapped up in my pain I was unaware of her pain (she had done a good job of trying to hide her pain for many years) She didn't give me a second chance (I was thrown out) and I was angry about that for a long time. But I was the person who was angry more than she was, although she didn't give me the love I needed
  I'm working hard on my disorders now and am being mindful of all my decisions.
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#2
Dec 23, 2007, 10:30 AM
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(((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))) you have lots of support
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#3
Dec 23, 2007, 10:40 AM
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That is a good way of looking at things Fuzzy, to be mindful .
It is very hard when there are reasons beyond our control that prevent us from making amends. You can try to change what you have control over and let go of the things that you don't. I know that is easier said than done, but your friends and those who love you are willing to listen , forgive and move forward . your friend Linda
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#4
Dec 23, 2007, 10:49 AM
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(((((( Fuzzybear ))))) We all make mistakes, Fuzzybear you are someone who seems to me to make that extra effort to repair things- even when it's not your fault. I wish you would go a little easier on yourself. We love you lots.
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#5
Dec 23, 2007, 11:02 AM
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((((((((((((((( fuzzyiestwuzzyiestbearsyiest )))))))))))))))))))
We all have times in our lives when we look back and wish we had done things differently. As we move ahead, we learn, as we learn, we see how our past actions have affected others and ourselves. This is a huge process that we all go through. They say hindsight is 20/20. What we take from the new knowledge is what we have to apply to the here and now and in the future. We may not be able to change the past, but we can choose to learn and apply that which we have learned to better our lives and our relationships. Part of learning of past mistakes is to realize we are all human and make them. None of us is perfect. Forgiving oneself is very important in that process too. You have much love and support here and I hope you are finding it IRL too. There isn't one amoung us that doesn't deserve it and that includes you my friend!!  sabby |
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#6
Dec 23, 2007, 11:55 AM
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IMO you have a "right" to angry at your mom! Mothers and fathers are supposed to take care of us, and understand...at least that's the way it was first delegated.
Of course we all know that doesn't happen at times.And though you do have the "right," you are wise to move on, because anger like that only hurts us, ourselves. As for apologizing because of behavior from a disorder, that again, is up to you. If you think someone will understand, then do so. If you think you need to just let them know it wasn't "on purpose" then tell those people also. But if you know they really don't give a whip, don't bother as you will only become more frustrated. We don't find all the people around US apologizing for every thing they do that is irksome. Perhaps it is only your disorder that makes you feel you owe anyone anything? I'm good with you ((((fuzzybear)))) and you, me.
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#7
Dec 23, 2007, 12:53 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_sabby_ said: You have much love and support here and I hope you are finding it IRL too. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> PC is real life too! If it isn't, I'm in more trouble than I thought.
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Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#8
Dec 23, 2007, 12:56 PM
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((((dearest fuzzy wad)))))
Your fine, I promise 
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#9
Dec 23, 2007, 03:32 PM
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(((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))
"God desires not a circumcised body but a circumcised heart." making the amends in your heart is the best place - especially if you can't go back and make them IRL.
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"It is what it is." 
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#10
Dec 24, 2007, 11:08 AM
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> "God desires not a circumcised body but a circumcised heart."
Eh?
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Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#11
Dec 24, 2007, 03:15 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pachyderm said: > "God desires not a circumcised body but a circumcised heart." Eh? </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Translation: It means a whole lot more to do something because you really feel it in your heart than to do something just because it's a tradition or because of what others may think. You can omit the God reference if that's more comfortable for you.
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"It is what it is."
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#17
Dec 26, 2007, 07:46 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I can only work on me, from today.... </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes, that is so true for everyone. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> I realise now how wrong and stupid some of the things I have done have been. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Try not to be hard on yourself-- most times we do our best with what we have and what we know at that time..... and I do believe that is the case with you. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> She didn't give me a second chance </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I'm so sorry she didn't. perhaps being aware of her pain now will give you a bit of a release from feeling she didn't care....... adults in pain can sometimes make mistakes and just not see them.seems like you are gaining insight Fuzzy- I hope you see that it's a good step forward. fuzzy- mandy |
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#19
Dec 28, 2007, 01:32 AM
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(((((((((( Fuzzy ))))))))))
You are allowed to be angry at your mother, and others who have hurt you. Recognizing your anger is an important step. I'm glad that you are working through it, and becoming more mindful. You have come a long way. Just don't let the anger consume you. There is a reason for your feelings and your actions, just as there was a reason for everyone else's, including your mother's. It's not an excuse, but at least it isn't so random as sometimes it might seem to be. Luv Ya, Rap
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#23
Dec 29, 2007, 09:45 PM
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__________________
"Lord, we know what we are, yet know not what we may be." Hamlet, Act 4, sc v Wm. Shakespeare |
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#25
Dec 30, 2007, 09:51 AM
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I think we can clean up our relationships until the other person dies and we can learn from the relationship even after they have.
I remember when my stepmother got more and more senile and even before we knew she was becoming senile, she had "forgotten" details of our relationship from long ago and it was clear her point of view about the relationship was different from my experience. That was a big relief; some of the things that were hurting me about having hurt her, it turned out weren't hurting her! :-) One of my favorite lessons of all time was when she was senile and would call me on the phone and we'd get to discussing something and then get in an argument and she'd hang up angry/critical. But often she'd call again in a few minutes and start the whole conversation over again, unaware we'd just talked! It was great to know the "outcome" of one way of discussing and to be able to change how I worded things to see if I could get my point across better or could get through the conversation without making her and me angry again. It showed me there is a whole lot more going on than I was aware of and my thinking/feeling aren't the same as the other person's. Forgive yourself, Fuzzy. You didn't deliberately try to hurt your mother or react to your mother's hurting you in the way that things happened either. Nothing was done in an isolated way so that it was all your fault or all your mother's fault; it was a mixture like paint color :-) The color just ended up yucky is all and no one wanted the house painted that color but didn't have the money yet to buy more paint, a better color to cover it with. But no one knew beforehand what color it was going to come out as when they added their particular tints.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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