disappointed in self

Hello I am new and just discovered this site. I have never discussed this with anyone except my husband. But my issue is getting out of hand and I am getting into despiration. I have this fear,phobia,something?? of buying clothes. I just do not like anything out there. My winter coat is 4+ years old and falling apart and I did not buy this coat is was my daughters and she bought herself a new coat and I kept her old one. I patch my jeans. I wear the same clothes over and over. My husband has 15 pairs of jeans I have 2 with patches, he has over 30 dress shirts and I have maybe 6 shirts and only 2 can be wore in public. I am not afraid of shopping I do it all the time ....I just don't buy anything! I just come home crying and knowing my husband is going to be upset. I am even so crazy as to try to shop online but can't seem to push the complete the sale button. My shoes I am currently wearing my husband bought for me . Sometimes I just cry because I don't have anything nice to wear and then I cry more because I have the means to fix it but just can't. It just seems so stupid. I don't know what to do...I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know what to suggest. Maybe have your husband or a friend go with you. Then you can pick out what you like and leave the store; then your husband or friend can buy them. Or with the online shopping have your husband push the button to complete the buy.

(((ella)))

Ella, I think that is a really good idea to take a friend shopping with you and have her complete the transaction for you. I read echoes of myself in what you wrote. I hate to shop for clothes and wear what I own into the ground. I wear the same few things over and over to work each day, and wear them way past their "looking good" life.

I think for me it may be tied to being a hoarder. I accummulate all sorts of stuff and junk at home and have trouble throwing it out. It stacks up in piles. I read somewhere that this tendency is genetic and inherited. It had value in times of famine and poverty but not so much in times of plenty. But I am stuck with it. It is a struggle for me to deal with it. Recently I bought a dozen pairs of panties online because my ones at home were full of holes and I couldn't bear to go shopping in person. I am trying to get better and throw out old stuff with holes in it and that is ratty looking. Same goes for potholders and towels in the kitchen and bathroom. My teenage daughter is currently wearing some of the "vintage" clothes I wore in college because I never threw them away. They have just sat there in boxes. She loves the clothes, but how many people save clothes for 20 years?

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I sympathize with your struggle. Keep trying! Ask a friend for help.

Oh, and welcome to PC!

Ella, I don't try on clothes; I'll buy them and when I get them home if they don't fit or look well on me they go in the back of the closet and get thrown or given away. I never return anything either. I am disappointed in my behavior too (and my husband is not thrilled that I don't return things I don't like or that don't fit). We should get together :-) I'll buy the clothes, you can wear them.

Welcome to PsychCentral (PC). It's a very nice group here, hopefully we can all figure out some things for you to try.

Have you tried the combination of looking at an online catalog (say, J.C. Penneys, for example) and talking to someone on the phone at the same time or using a paper catalog that comes in the mail and calling the number on the phone?

Sometimes I make a little list of what I'd "like" (right now I need a winter "jacket") and look for a long time before finally buying one.

Have you ever had someone give you a gift card? Then it wouldn't be your money or your buying it and if you didn't the card would go to "waste".

Ella, what keeps you from completing these sales transactions? Are you afraid of anything bad happening, or is there a voice from the past stuck in your head telling you not to buy things for yourself? Or praising you for not spending your money, maybe? Can you buy things for other people? There is probably a reason for this, and if we could find out the reason, it would be a lot easier to know what might work best to change it.

Rap