[jbug]

I had to hear it from my mom that Rex doesn't want to talk to me everyday. Why must he feel that he can't talk to me about stuff like that. All the major things he wants to tell me he tells my mom and she relays the message. I am so very very angry right now I'm not thinking straight or anything.

Rex is a bad bad person and right now I hope he never calls me ever again. On the other hand I love him. How's that for being borderline?

I am so sick and tired of people treating me like a child like I can't handle things just because I have a mental illness. Its not like they are going to shove me over the edge. Damn it I can push myself over.

I am sitting here crying my eyes out and yet want to hit someone or something. I don't know what to do.

I emailed him and told him a few choice things so we will see how the dynamics of our relationship changes.

Jbug

[ziggy1]

Jbug sorry your feeling so upset. Its probably good if your not

talking with him right at the moment. Let yourself relax and calm

down. Maybe some deep breathing and something pleasant to focus

on and visualise about.

Yes we can all push ourselves over...but heck what good would

that do? Just let your feet dangle for abit, we want you around!!

Maybe a couple days away with out communication will help you

sort out the situation...? I've had hate/love relationships in

the past myself and know how you feel...Hang in there Jbug. Just

remember that you are #1..always....

[jbug]

Thanks ziggy.

Right after I posted he called. I didn't say much just let him do the talking. I emailed him and he told me that he couldn't check his email right now as their computer isn't hooked up to the net again. Lightning struck the pole and fried the computer and T.V. so they need to get that hooked back up. I don't plan on talking to him unless he calls me.

Jbug

[Perna]

I would give Rex a break until you do talk to him. It could be he and your mother talked about how much more could be afforded, how often Rex could see you, etc. and your mother's "reporting" is to blame. It could be Rex wouldn't mind seeing you, it's your mother not affording it and meaning something different by "doesn't want" to see you. You know how playing telegraph as a child ended up with the last person getting a distorted message. Tell that horse Rex (you want it from the "horse's mouth" :-) that he has to tell you what he said and to tell your mother to NOT tell you before he talks to you!

[RiverX]

You sound very sane to me. I'd be furious at that too. But Perna's thinking clearly it seems - what to actually do about it besides feeling angry! Good to deliver a clear message.

river

[jbug]

I have to go grocery shopping today and I go where Rex works. He will be there but I am not going to go out of my way to see him like I normally do. I am proud of myself for not calling him last night even though I really wanted to. My day doesn't seem complete unless I talk to him but I need to get over that.

I am still compartmentalizing him and putting him in the bad category. I hope someday I can get out of this habit and just deal with people as they are.

Ever since I was told this by my mom about not talking to him everyday I am thinking all my friends are like that so I haven't called any of them. Talk about taking things way to hard.

Jbug

[sunrise]

jbug, that sounds like a tough situation and I would be mad too. Can you tell Rex to speak to you directly rather than through your Mom? That is just insulting and your reaction is very normal! It is OK to be mad at someone but to love them too. The people we love aren't perfect. Is Rex your boyfriend? I would be mad too if my partner kept talking to my mother about me.

[jbug]

No Rex isn't my boyfriend although I wouldn't mind if he was. Or at least I used to think I wouldn't mind if he was. Rex and I are just good friends.

I did see him today but turned the other way and went down an aisle before I had to run into him. So I don't know if he saw me or not. Tonight is his late night to work so it will be interesting to see if he calls me tonight. I'm just still angry and don't know how to release some of this anger without hurting myself or others.

Jbug

[RiverX]

Hi Jbug,
I was thinking about this: # </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Talk about taking things way to hard.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> and I do also react very strongly to what others think of as no big deal. You seem to be doing a great job of taking responsibilty and having self awareness.
i was wondering th ough, how does one know how strongly to feel?
And what you were saying about the split extremes, yeah, thats what they say about the disorders, and its true, that I also split, there is someone in my life and I cant get her all in the one picture,I feel love for her, but also horror about her. Yet, to my mind, she has really done some crazy-making stuff and thats why I splitted/ splat over her

Any one - any comments??

riverx