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#1
Apr 23, 2009, 04:37 PM
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All day it has felt like i have gone in a fast pace so as not to have to think. Which i was doing really good. I cleaned was outta the house early.
Did everything i could think of so as not not think. About my son. Whining again. I cleaned a buffet out, and came across old paper files of my stalker person. Knew i put it some wheres. Thought leave it do not read it. of course i did. Still i was ok it seemed. Took a ride to old house . I wanted to see if any flowers were out there. And low and behold there was the little tree my son had planted alot of years ago. He insisited it be planted near the road. Of course the plow goes by every year and covers it with snow. Darn thing its a bout a foot high now after many years. I do not do anger well. meaning I will avoid it at all costs. I know this does not make sense , but it does tie together............ I just can not tie it for you.... I can say I feel anger because he joined the marines. I do not know what to do with it. I want it to go away. |
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#2
Apr 25, 2009, 06:49 AM
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(((((((((muffy))))))))))))
__________________
 No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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#3
Apr 25, 2009, 07:34 AM
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(((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))))
I feel your pain hon.....unfortunately, there is a huge range of emotions that you will go through with son and his decision. Completely understandable. I guess the only thing that might help is the old cliche, time heals. At the very least, time will help with the magnitude and depth of those feelings and hopefully sooner rather than later, acceptance will work it's way in. Take care of YOU my friend!  sabby |
 Capp
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#4
Apr 25, 2009, 05:51 PM
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Quote:
It could be a whole lot worse. (((ty everyone))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) |
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#5
Apr 25, 2009, 05:53 PM
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Dear Muffy
Isnt it good though that the tree is still there - growing tall and strong despite the snow plough! trees are tough and so is your son - and so are you little lamb! Its ok to feel angry, sad, and anything else you feel - let it come and go - breathe in the clear fresh air - smell a flower - take care of you Were the flowers out? you didnt say?
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| Capp
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#6
Apr 25, 2009, 06:52 PM
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((((phoenix7))))my friend , yes its a good thing the little tree is still there. He planted it about 10 years ago. And strong it must be as its alive but only a foot high......
((ty))) always (((((((((((phoenix7)))))))))))) sad fustrated scared and all those things you are so kind ((ty)) |
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#7
Apr 26, 2009, 07:39 AM
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__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#8
Apr 26, 2009, 06:35 PM
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((((((((phoenix7)))))))))))))))) today son and i went and moved the little tree to this house. What i left outta this post was I had also put a forsale by owner on old house. As it had sat there for awhile. No one could stand going back there. It is time for it to go. I have to say I set myself up that day to be upset.
My son looked at the tree and went Mom that tree does not look so good LOL Its alittle brown on one side from the plow. awwwwwwwww But its moved here. Him and i planted it together. Then I had alittle talk with the tree and told it to grow now. please. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,as my son son has grown and become a man. I am not over this, but I am accepting it. Wish my magic wand could work on this , it can not. This is his choice and I will always love him. The fear in my heart for him. well I will come to terms with it in litttle steps. Im hoping. (((ty))) always kind one........................................ Looking at it from outside the box so to speak it could be worse, please pray for him it never comes to that. ((ty))) for all the support I have recieved .here and In pms and IRL you all matter to me so very much.You are all wonderful peace to all of you .................................. |
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#9
Apr 26, 2009, 06:48 PM
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I am so glad you moved the tree - now it can keepyou company - keep talking to it - there is scientific proof that that works!
 (my plants told me!  )Keeping your son and you in my thoughts - take care oh and the little tree of course! what type is it? T gave me an apple once and I planted it - no tree yet!
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#10
Apr 28, 2009, 06:00 PM
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(((phoenix))))))))))))) its a pine tree. well a very little one. Im going to take a picture of it and post it . I meant to before i moved it. Funny little tree. Maybe if I tell it to grow it will
. As i said no more than a foot tall. Must be a strong little tree.The Marines are coming tomorrow to take his picture. And give him some kind of certifacate. |
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#11
Apr 28, 2009, 06:23 PM
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__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| muffy
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#12
Apr 29, 2009, 07:24 AM
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(((((((((((phoenix7)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) from the bottom of my heart
thank you for always being here for me. You are a good person. Later today I will post a pic of the little tree.I think to make me feel better then after picture time today with my son which is much later I may have to think on that a bit
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| phoenix7
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#13
Apr 30, 2009, 06:23 AM
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so they came yesterday , Took his picture, Handed him a framed certifacate. and a bunch of other stuff.
I never react when its happening afterwards I do......Mostly with I get very cold. Then I can feel it in my stomach. Which i did all that yesterday. I never blinked a eye with my son thou. Only when they said one thing. He looked at me I looked at him and I think we both had tears. This could be so much worse. Not sure why I reacted the way i did. As i have always wanted him to be on his own and functioning..Which he is...I guess because I prefer peace. With that being said., I have to accept this. be proud of him for making his own choice. I may not agree. But he did make his own choice. I pray he will be safe and everyone elses son and daughter who has decided this course in life. Right now I am praying for the whole world . So i have to let it go. Does not mean I will not be fearful as I will. But as I said there is so much worse it could be.right now. Last night circle dog and I stared at the ceiling along time coming to this place. Well i think circle dog was asleep lol awwwwwwww I gotta let it go ....as a friend once told me somethings are scrambled eggs. Meaning I can not change it. So with that being said I will today take the pic of the little tree and post it as I said I would yesterday and did not . Also I will keep a light on for him everyday he is gone. Maybe a light on till every other persons child is back from over seas. too......as that has not come yet as I think boot camp would be first LOL May peace find (((everyone)))))))))))))(((((may everyone stay safe)))))))))))))) my light ....my prayers are with all moms and dads all over the world................. 
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#14
Apr 30, 2009, 06:53 AM
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((muff and son)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
| muffy
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#15
Apr 30, 2009, 07:02 AM
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aw Muffy - hugs are not enough - but the are all I have
sitting with you - handing you a warm blanket and a cuddly toy lamb because lambs are strong and gentle at the same time -wishing I could do more - say more to help you Sending an angel to watch over you and your son .gif "Girl Angel") and the little tree of course
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| muffy
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#16
Apr 30, 2009, 07:06 AM
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((((pachy)))))))))))))))) (((((((((((phoenix)))))))))))))))))))))))))
I have to tell you ....you are all so much help (((((((ty))))))))))))))))) |
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#17
May 04, 2009, 02:51 PM
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the little tree replanted side towards road
 
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#18
May 04, 2009, 04:18 PM
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What a beautiful little tree
may it grow tall and strong take care
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#19
May 05, 2009, 06:39 AM
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(((phoenix)))(((ty)))) my son asked me what my hang up was on the tree ??? LOL
he said does not look so good mom. May it grow big and strong in its new place. May my son find his peace and stay safe |
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#20
May 05, 2009, 07:30 AM
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I hope so
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#21
May 05, 2009, 07:32 AM
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me too with all my heart.............................
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#22
May 12, 2009, 08:34 AM
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This year at his IEP meeting they had me remove his PDD label. Because they said it would interfer with his life. As he is so high functioning now no one would ever ever know. What life had been like before.
Why this is in PTSD your asking ? is because when he was born and changed so to speak. And grew to about 2 and I told my mom I was worryed. She said I was stupid. That word has come into play many times in my life. She said there was nothing wrong. Even thou he could not talk and other issues. So back to the meeting they said It would be stupid for me to leave it on. The PDD. So poof it was gone and with that hes a marine.................... I have never felt so stupid as now. wrong word........ helpless as I can not stop it.............. |
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#23
May 12, 2009, 05:32 PM
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you, my dear Muffy are not stupid
my T would say somtimes we may do stupid things but that doesnt make us stupid it makes ou actions stupid - and leaving it there was not stupid it was a way of holding onto him - so not stupid ok Helpless.... you couldnt stop him from doing what he thought was right - you have brought him up to be strong and independant from what you have said and you have loved him - what more could yu have done ? My heart goes out to you Muffy
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| muffy
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#24
May 14, 2009, 06:36 AM
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((ty))) ((phoenix))))))))))
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#25
May 15, 2009, 03:06 AM
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__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| muffy
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