Dear PTSD

YOU SUCK!!!! Please GO AWAY. I've been nice enough to share my life with you for the last two years. The least you can do is take a backseat and let me live my life just a little. But NO of course not. Instead you choose to get 100x harder to deal with. I hate you. I hate your flashbacks. I hate your nightmares. I hate the way you make me avoid things I used to enjoy. I hate that you make me dissociate. I hate that you make me feel hopeless. I hate that your the reason I take meds. I hate how hard you make my life. I hate how you affected my school work. I hate that you made me drop out of college. I hate that I left the Army for you. I hate that you affect my performance at work. I hate everything about you. I hate how you affect ALL my decisions. Some day I'll work up the courage to make you leave for good. Some day.

/end rant

Just wanted to offer some hope. I cant give you any specifics because I dont know exactly how and when it happened, but somehow over a period of 2-3 years with meds, therapy and DBT I did get a handle on my PTSD. I did get triggered a few times this year but worked thru that with T. I rarely dissociate anymore and the hypervigilance is almost nonexistant. Huge change in my world.

Hang in there! Change will come.

Yes, it is very challenging, please hang in there, your not alone, I totally understand, yes it is an extremely challenging disorder. I hope you continue therapy, come here for support and never harm yourself no matter how bad it gets and I know it can get bad. But concentrate on the good days, don't hate yourself even though it is such a challenge.

Above all else, do not tell yourself to think it is too hard, we tend to listen to our own advice.

((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

Also, what kind of treatment are you getting to help you? It is very important to make efforts to get treatment for this condition.

Instead of allowing the flashbacks to haunt you, what is triggering them? Many of these events that are coming forward were things you DID survive. You must always remember that. You cannot blame yourself for any of your past. Seeing past tramas doesn't mean your are guilty of anything. These memories should be addressed with a therapist and resolved. The brain is designed to remember many things so that we can problem solve. Even bad events are remembered so that we may be able to sense the same kind of danger in the future. See the flashbacks, pay attention to the images, smells and emotions as if you are just observing a clip in a movie. Then after the flashback, write down everything you experienced in the flashback. Once you have done that you can begin to address it, identify what took place, you did survive it and it is ok, you can learn from it, put it aside and use it to help you not experience the same kind of event.

Any time any person experiences something that may present danger of any kind, the brain makes it a point to keep it in a warning system. None of what you see is your fault, you experienced something your questioning now. Your a good person, you deserve to simply learn from your past and move forward. A good therapist can help you learn how to do this, it does take time. I am sorry you are still experiencing this troubling condition, I am too. It has taken me a long time to understand it, and I could have never done it on my own. I am still addressing it, yes, it is challenging.
But you must allow yourself to learn how to slowly address it. Dont give up.

((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

Thanks for all of your input. I am currently on Lexapro/ Ativan/ Flexeril , and I started therapy like 5-6 weeks ago. It's helping but it's also begining to provoke nightmares/flashbacks. We were doing therapy 1x a week, but will be increasing up to 2x a week after the holidays. I'm usually pretty good at understanding my ptsd, but I haven't been applying it to myself a lot lately. I've been allowing myself to be triggered left and right. I'm doing better today, just felt I needed to rant last night. One day at a time I guess.

Ok, you havent been in therapy very long, it really does take time. If you get triggered try to write them down and see if you can identify what triggered you and why. That can help you learn a lot about yourself and work on overcoming things that trigger you. Try not to allow the flashbacks to frighten you, write as much down as you can so you can make conscious efforts to learn from them and get past them.

((((Hugs))))

Open Eyes