I asked for the meeting. I am scared too death.

I have all my notes prepared and am ready to stand up, speak up and hopefully come to a resolution re: internal / hr matters that are a win/win for everyone.

I am terrified, too. I've been waiting for over 24 hours for them to carve out some time for me.

I have to remember to speak slowly (but firmly), use my notes (if I have to, so I can stay on track) and finally ask for their suggestions / assistance / input.

I've been here for almost a year and the trouble started a couple months ago that is loaded with triggers (pain, hurt, tears in private, loss of sleep, anger, avoidance, irritibility, feelings of helplessness and finally SI )

I don't want to feel this way anymore. Or for this type of thing to continue to happen to me where I feel so insignificant I start SI.

Meh.

[Open Eyes]

Rose, it sounds like you have some good win, win ideas. Allow yourself to feel comfort in knowing this and do your best to set aside your fears. It is only going to be a meeting that will have a time limit and you CAN work through it, you ARE intelligent my friend. Just make sure you hold on to that part of you, it is still there you know.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Rose, it sounds like you have some good win, win ideas. Allow yourself to feel comfort in knowing this and do your best to set aside your fears. It is only going to be a meeting that will have a time limit and you CAN work through it, you ARE intelligent my friend. Just make sure you hold on to that part of you, it is still there you know.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Thank you! I tried my best, and it ended in a draw.

On a positive note: they did validate, though, that it wasn't all in my head, and they feel the same way.

On a less than positive note: I was simply told flat out: make a decision. Either to just wake up tomorrow, make up my mind that it's not going to bother me. period. the end. And that it's a non-issue.

Then they went on to use an analogy of whether or not I'm going to eat an orange (care) or a grape (not give a ****).

And it was up to me to pick. WOW! I never knew it was that easy. Had I did know, I wouldn't be in T, have PTSD, a/p/agor/sad/major dep and major SI.

(that's another thing I was told that I was wasting my $$ in T and to just wake up thinking differently...that it isn't hard and to just do it.)

[bowhunt72]

"(that's another thing I was told that I was wasting my $$ in T and to just wake up thinking differently...that it isn't hard and to just do it.)"

Wow - that one would have really set me off. Good for you for keeping your composure.

[Open Eyes]

Well aparently thier ability to dissacioate is very intact. A big difference between someone with PTSD and someone who can eat grapes without choking. And as long as it doesn't threaten thier designer suits and "shoes" and other amenities what do they care. Isn't it you that has to deal with it anyway?

I am sorry Rose, I can see why you were triggered. Unfortunately when someone has PTSD things being right are very important, things that are wrong are much harder to ignore. And when people acknowledge the wrong and have no desire to correct it, that is a trigger too.

I think that if I worked there and had an office, I would go out and buy a lot of fake grapes and grape vines and lavish my office with this decor to make an obvious statement. If anyone commented I would simply say, that I have to have good visuals to remind me to have the "eat grapes" attitude. And I would wear lots of purple and try to find scarves and pins that had grapes in them. Or even go into work wearing that fruit of the loom costume of grapes, how about that?

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

((((Bow)))) Thank you I didn't keep my composure that well, though I left the meeting feeling horrible. AND I cried in my office - I was sooo frustrated (I hate when I do that. It's as if I get abused and rewarded at the same time and it's such a horrible feeling).

For example, at a previous job, after going through a MAJOR trauma and having to deal with a million pieces of **** that all fell on me to handle, the owner told me it "inconvenienced him" that I was out of the office (MY 39 year old sister died. She was really sick, drove herself to the ER, found out she had Pneu, and her heart stopped while they were doing tests They revived her twice, but she passed). I was so furious I wanted to jump on him and strangle him. I couldn't even look at him I was so angry and turned my chair and started to bawl (it was that or commit a crime!). And THEN, he just kept talking, and HE GAVE ME A GIANT RAISE. FGS!

((((OE)))) That is a good point, in learning to assert myself, it is important to me that my feelings are validated; that I feel/know I am being heard. (I was reading one of my homework books like crazy before our meeting taking little cheat sheet notes on how to assert properly )

I was sitting less than 6 feet away and I was getting random crazy responses, too - not responding to what I was saying at all. It was as if we were speaking 2 different languages. I even said, "OK. Perhaps I am not being clear cuz we aren't understanding each other".

It all came down to the grape thing

I know, right?! Disassociate for sure. I knew it was coming, too, I could feel it actually after the positive paragraph (start) when I started with the "I"/"we" sentence, I felt the wall go up.

I AM going to decorate my office with grapes. It will remind me to "not" care

Is this normal? My feelings / emotions have been all over the place today since my meeting:

1. anxious about the meeting
2. then frustrated (and a little relieved) during the meeting
3. horrible (exhausted and drained) after the meeting
4. disappointed
5. depressed
6. exhausted

[Open Eyes]

Yes Rose, that is normal, you had a big day and with PTSD it is hard to stand up and confront. And you didn't really get a good response. They just didn't care, was the bottom line, they are more comfortable just pretending problems don't exist etc.

Try to go easy on yourself. Take and easy day tomarrow, don't let yourself stress and then have a nice long quiet restful weekend.

(((Rose))) you have had a lot of trama to deal with in your past, different losses of people you were close with, that is a lot to recover from.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[sherlockedben47]

DUDE YOU F%$king rocked, i too have PTSD but stuff i like i do enjoy, give me a audiance and i will performe but give me a 1 2 1 and i will panic! i do not like confruntation even when im working on a phone and one shouts at me i hang up.

Rose you rock!

[likewater]

I agree with sherlock. :-) Rose, you Rock. I'm going to decorate my space at work with grapes too.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

Is this normal? My feelings / emotions have been all over the place today since my meeting:

1. anxious about the meeting
2. then frustrated (and a little relieved) during the meeting
3. horrible (exhausted and drained) after the meeting
4. disappointed
5. depressed
6. exhausted

That is so normal.

When I was SI and depressed in college I went to the campus counseling center, or rather I got sent there by the cop who found my on the bridge. Any way they told me they same thing, all I had to do to feel better was change how I thought about the situation and I would cheer right up. Wow somebody give that campus center an A.

Grapes will be my new accolade, I'll never look at another one without thinking of you and all the ignorant people, even in the counseling centers who just don't have a clue. Everyone is right you rock.