[greenfairy]

been having flashbacks, started yesterday when i was at dinner and i was in a restaurant and i was afraid i would break down in front of everyone, the smells were making me ill, finally i stepped outside had a smoke and just kept counting keeping my mind quiet but i cant seem to stop it now, and last night my husband took the kids upstairs so i could take my meds and go to sleep but it started again this morning on the phone and i just cant keep it together. home alone and i'm scared and i keep pacing and i hear noises and i'm afraid theres someone hiding in the house so i check the whole house but theres no one there so i tried lying on the bed closing my eyes but i could smell the basement just this horrible damp dead leaf smell and my head is so hot i feel like i have a fever and i'm sweating and i keep trying to breath. called my husband to come home have to wait another hour or two and i'm afraid i'm going to lose my mind and i dont know what to do.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ (((((((( HUGS )))))))

Do YOU know what the flash backs relate to? - have you worked on these particular issues in therapy? I am here for YOU..... talk away if you need. BTW - you are SAFE, i promise.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[greenfairy]

so much stress right now and i cant seem to escape hes everywhere. started at dinner yesterday and it was the hot peppers and i couldnt focus on where i was i couldnt stop seeing him holiday dinner and i was ten and he and his friend were trying to see who could eat more of this spicy dish and then later he felt sick and he was so angry and he punished me that night and then this morning it was just flashbacks the basement and i just wanted to close my eyes but then it was worse i could smell it and i'm afraid i'm crazy i can smell the damp dead leaf smell everywhere went up to my sons room where its just baby powder and lavender and i could smell it there too. husband on his way home but i'm scared what the hell is going on i've been opening up the closet doors because i'm afraid someone is hiding in my house and i know this isnt normal and i'm afraid i'm losing it.

[Rhapsody]

Is HE the one that wounded you from with in when you were young.... in your childhood? - your body is trying to get your mind to remember as to HEAL - you need to feel it all and then you can put it away, but with someone around so that you are safe.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ((((((( LOVE ))))))))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
Look into reading this book.... it greatly helped me in my recovery:
Feeling Buried Alive Never Die - by: Karol Truman.

I am here for YOU - reach out to ME any time.

[greenfairy]

yes and my mind wont shut up and its scaring me. waiting for my husband to come home and hiding under the blankets when i can sit still for a moment and stop checking the damn upstairs. . .
just want the door to open and my husband to walk in and sit here and tell me i'm not losing my mind.
thank you rhapsody, i wish i could just give you an enormous bouquet of the sweetest blooms because youre always here for me.

[Rhapsody]

You are WELCOME.... it does my own heart and mind good to be able help another out of their terrible despair - it gives me HOPE!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
How much longer until your husband will get to the hosue?

[Rhapsody]

An exert from the "Grounding Tip" topic.... hope it helps.

What Are Grounding Skills?

Grounding Skills are interventions that assist in keeping a person in the present. They help to reorient a person to reality and the immediate here-and-now. Grounding skills are useful in many ways. They are particularly helpful with symptoms of dissociation. They can help a person prevent dissociating. However, they can be used to help re-orient oneself when experiencing intense and overwhelming feelings and intense anxiety. They help to regain one's mental focus. These skills usually occur within two specific modalities:

1.) Sensory Awareness
2.) Cognitive Awareness

1.) Sensory Awareness Grounding Skills:

Keep your eyes open, look around the room, notice your surroundings, notice details.

Hold a pillow, stuffed animal or a bell.

Place a cool cloth on your face, or hold something cool such as a can of soda.

Listen to soothing music.

Put your feet firmly on the ground.

FOCUS on someone's voice or a neutral conversation.

2.) Cognitive Grounding Skills:

Reorient yourself in place and time by asking yourself some or all of these questions:

Where am I?
What is today?
What is the date?
What is the month?
What is the year?
How old am I?
What season is it?
Who is the President?
List as many Grounding skills as you can.

Practice several grounding skills every day.

Construct a list of those which are most helpful and effective.


FULL LINK to the website: http://www.dreamstalker.org/wings/ptsd001.htm

* * * * * * * * *

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[greenfairy]

((((((((((((rhapsody))))))))))
youre a life saver. husband on the road now. hopefully here within the hour. called my pdoc and am taking another klonopin. holding my pillow and sitting quietly both feet on the ground. feel like my heart is going to pound its way right out of my chest and onto the keyboard.
thank you for everything. you are a true friend.

[Rhapsody]

Keep telling your self that it is Tuesday Feb 21, 2006 and that nothing bad is going to happen to you - YOU are SAFE!!! (repeat this to your self out loud - over and over again) - I am still here, not going any where.

Talk away.... ears wide open. <<<<<<< breathe - breathe - breathe >>>>>>> slowly.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

GreenFairy,

Just checking back in with YOU to make sure you are still safe while waiting for your husband to arrive home.... please reply to let me know that all is well - THX.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ((((((( SAFETY ))))))) ~ ~ ((((((( LOVE )))))))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[greenfairy]

trying to stay busy. promised my husband i wouldnt call 911 unless it was a serious life threatening emergency. the paramedics have been here so often they know us by name. i know its panic but it feels like a heart attack. i know i'm alone in the house but i keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye and i turn around and theres nothing there so i worry someone is lurking somewhere. i dont want to lose my mind. i think its my worst and enduring fear, that one day i wont be able to tell the difference anymore between whats here and whats in my head. theres this smell here and i'm holding my pillow telling myself its not there but if its not there why can i smell it? i've been doing everything i'm supposed to, the pdoc, the therapy, the meds. i should be getting better.
thank you for caring. for making me feel safe.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS )))))))
You are still smelling IT for it is still in your head, unhealed, wanting to be set FREE.... what does this smell reminds you of? - the bad part of it all.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I can't remember - do you have a therapist? all USA therapy agencies have an on call person. maybe you can set up with your therapist that you can call him/her when you are alone as a check in and he/she can give you some "homework" that can keep you busy and on track during the times you are alone. How about calling your friends. That has helped me many times when alone. One of my friends had a husband was in the military. sometimes he worked nights and quite often he was out of town and sometimes even out of the states on "tour of duty" "on the front lines and so on. She had been raped and we met in a therapeutic group. Alot of us in this group had this problem of flashbacks and imagination problems when alone. so we came up with a buddy system. The buddys were responsible for making sure each other knew the other persons schedule and checked in with each other at least daily and help each other through the long emotional nights and so on. My friend / buddy and I spent many nights playing cards, watching movies and so on over the phone and in person. Maybe you can start something like this with your friends.

You can also start this with the support / therapy groups that you attend if you do. If you don't attend them how about contacting the mental health agencies and crisis centers in your area. Most are free or run on a sliding fee scale if the person qualifies. they too are a great resource for calling on those long nights. many times I have called various crisis centers and therapy agencies after hours and said "hi Im so and so and Im alone and I just needed to hear a real persons voice can you stay on the line with me for a few minutes?" I have always recieved a yes and they stayed on the phone with me sometimes up to two hours straight other times five minutes depending on how busy they were.

Also how about vollunteering for your local crisis center taking calls. They train you and you have the choice of taking calls in your home, or at thecenter, and can pretty much set your own schedule of when you are available to take calls. Many nights I have past taking calls from others that were having the same problems that I was having with being alone. It gave me someone to talk to and I was helping another person in the process.