[Open Eyes]

As most of you may know I suffered a lot of loss due to my negligent neighbor who knew their electric underground containment system for their dog was not working. They failed to repair it, instead letting the dogs out while I was sleeping at night, and one of the dogs ran hot laps around my horses and ponies and the more they were upset the more the dog kept at it, and that crippled all my horses and ponies in ways I could have never imagined. These people were well aware that I didn't want their dogs on my property, when they moved in they just felt like their dogs should be able to run where ever. I had many confrontations with them and called the dog warden that finally (because we have laws for it) got them to finally contain and be responsible for their dogs.

Well, I have been engaged in a lawsuit, and this year will mark 5 years since I went through so much loss and death. It was like a hospital on my farm, I was in hypervigilance for over 4 months until I broke down. When I lost my favorite pony inspite of all my efforts to save her and all the day long work that went til after midnight, and the loss of sleep. I just broke and actually went into shock. I went to a psychward that was defintely not the right place for me to go. In spite of my requests for rest and grief counceling, I got neither.

After finally getting out of the psyward that made me even worse, my family was very angry with me and I had to get back into hypervigilance and continue to address all the damage along with putting together all the information with an attorney. I basically fueled off anger and after that was pretty much done, I went into a lull of depression. I didn't understand that the PTSD I was diagnosed with was getting worse. My debt was so substantial and my business and investment animals were ruined. It costs a lot of money to have vets examine and tend to these damaged animals, thousands add up quickly, $30,000 come up faster than one can imagine.

I didn't have money for therapy, I had all I could do but pay on this debt, try to continue having vets sort out the damage that was in so many different ways, so much damage, choking, colicing, torn ligaments, torn suspensories, fractured pelvis, sore hind ends, damaged hip joint, so many things happened to these frantic animals. And I am still dealing with it now five years later, lost another one this past december who coliced and was never the same, the things that can scar and interfere in the digestive trac causing further problems and eventual heart break by euthanizia.

So I went into depression and my brain was just sort of shutting down and very tired and I had no idea what was coming after that. I finally was deposed and they only got it half done. I ended up going into a flashback towards the end and could not speak when they asked me who was damaged the worst. I just saw everything and I just could not speak. That was in Oct of 2010. And I had to find a way to come to terms with that last question, knowing that would be where they would continue. But I truely had no answer really. And all last year they kept trying to schedule another deposition, three of which my attorney forgot to tell me and had to cancel and more that they canceled. All year I was on the edge having to prepare and remember, remember, remember all this bad and the details. And they never did have the deposition. And I had to try to work too and I dont even know how I managed that to be honest. I was experiencing all kinds of flashbacks last year, not just the event but all events in my life that resembled these same feelings I was experiencing.

And all the while my family was so hard on me too and even mean. All those "snap out of it" comments, well we all know we cant do that. No, not with PTSD rearing it's worst uglyhead. And my attorney wasn't paying attention, yeah, he was forgetting and I am sure pissing off the oposing attorney. I went in and told him how he needed to get this done, I needed him to give me time so I could prepare for a depositon. I tried to tell him that I wasn't doing well with the PTSD. No, he didn't care, he still forgot yet another deposition. Oh yeah, get a new attorney was the advice. I called around and talked to several other attornies, and did not find one that didn't know my attorney. They all recommended hanging in there. And to be honest, I got so bad that I just had to let go for a while.
I didn't have the energy to once again sit with my attorney and tell him to get his act together. I used my time to concentrate on therapy.

My whole work season last year was interupted by this process. I waited all winter hoping that they would get the deposition over with, but no, they are starting that process again NOW. Yes, now when I have to do my best to try to do SOME business to keep up with the debt and make enough to feed and care for my animals. And yes, they do know my business is seasonal, how convenient for them, they have it all on file.

So, my husband is getting deposed on the 8th and I have to go through the files and sit with him and make sure he remembers, remembers too. My brain doesn't want to do this anymore. It literally shuts down and again these DAM FLASHBACKS, AND GOD DAMIT I HAVE TO TRY TO WORK.
Oh, it is all about THIER GAME AND CONVENIENCE.

You know, if you read about depositions and what to do, they tell you how the opposing attorney comes on really nice BUT BE CAREFUL BECAUSE THEY WANT TO TRIP YOU UP!!!! Now, let me see where do I know that behavior ABUSERS, ABUSERS, ABUSERS do that too. And everyone knows the opposing side makes you wait, and they draw it all out FOR YEARS, now what does that remind you of, ABUSERS, ABUSERS, ABUSERS.

Oh, and you can't stand up and speak your mind NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO YELL OUT BLOODY MURDER either. Oh that would not be a good witness, that is NOT PLAYING THE GAME RIGHT, now what does that remind you of, ABUSERS, ABUSERS, ABUSERS.

No one has to tell me about this inhuman game, it is abusive for someone who is suffering with PTSD yes, very hard to remember, remember, wait, pay, pay, remember only answer certain tricky questions, remember remember.

Now, I relive all the past abuse, it is all there constantly because of this strange situation where this kind of ABUSE IS PERMITTED TO TAKE PLACE.
I could not speak up then, just like now, even though I was so hurt and PAYING, PAYING HURTING FROM SOMEONE ELSES PROBLEM.

Now, I have been trying really hard in therapy and to try to do my business, what is left of what I can do because what I had was so damaged so I can only do part of my business. And I just wanted to gain some ground and now, right when I am very busy and trying so hard, ANOTHER DEPOSITION. And they didn't even finish me, no, they are doing my husband LEAVING ME TO WAIT IT OUT WHEN ANY DAY THAT PHONE COULD RING CALLING TO REMEMBER, REMEMBER, REMEMBER something my brain really wants to FORGET, FORGET, AND LEAVE BEHIND ME.

My brain shuts down now, it took me all week to get the information from my files for my husband to review. I have to work tomarrow, Sunday and Monday and keep my head together AND REMEMBER WITH MY HUSBAND SO HE CAN REMEMBER.

You know what that does to my brain? I have been flashing back and exhausted and crying constantly and I NEED TO GET READY FOR A WEEKEND BECAUSE I NEED TO WORK SO I CAN CONTINUE PAYING ON THESE DAM BILLS THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN MINE AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT MY BRAIN IS GOING TO DO IN RESPONSE TO THIS.

I am angry because I am trying very hard to overcome this. Why can't I get more control, why does my brain just shut down or send me in to this cripple zone like this? This is cruel and I wish there was a way that I should show what happens in my brain from this. I am well aware that when these strange upsetting memories/flashbacks happen I have to let them run thier course. But for anyone who experiences this, it is exhausting and I feel like someone beat me up afterwards, my whole body aches. And I really try not to feed into it.

Yeah, it is just the system, BUT THE SYSTEM IS CRUEL AND LEAVES ROOM FOR ABUSERS, ABUSERS TO DO THEIR GAMES LEGALLY. Yes, it is a well known fact that this is way the game is played, the opposing side plays it out, stretching it out for YEARS in hopes TO WEAR ME OUT, "IT IS WORKING". I pray for the day when we can actually see the damage this causes to the human brain. I can feel it, and I am really trying so dam hard.

Open Eyes

[carrie_ann]

((((((((Open Eyes)))))))) i am so sorry you are going thru this, i wish there was more i could say but all i have to give atm is hugs for you

[Spiderlegs]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

....Yeah, it is just the system, BUT THE SYSTEM IS CRUEL AND LEAVES ROOM FOR ABUSERS, ABUSERS TO DO THEIR GAMES LEGALLY. Yes, it is a well known fact that this is way the game is played, the opposing side plays it out, stretching it out for YEARS in hopes TO WEAR ME OUT, "IT IS WORKING". I pray for the day when we can actually see the damage this causes to the human brain. I can feel it, and I am really trying so dam hard.
Open Eyes

Open Eyes, I'm sorry you have to go through this. A lady I used to work with would watch the constant barrage of nonsense come at me and would ask, "Spider, are you praying for patience again?? You know the Lord gives you trials to test you when you do!"

Well, I don't know if that's true, but the hits just keep coming, don't they.
There's nothing worse that legal crappola to deal with. The GD lawyers ought to pay us to go through it. I rented my house out a few years back and went through years of legal wrangling to get 'em out and face the damage, and that is exactly when my family really turned on me instead of giving me any support when I needed it so badly.

What do ya do to get through it? You just get through it. Short of a labotomy or death I've never found a way out. I hope coming here to vent helps. It helps me. At least it helps me from the urge of wanting to send my abusers nasty emails telling them what I think. Heck, they probably don't read them anyway, just like they never listened!

Open eyes, you've been so much help to me, wish I had the right words.
Love,
Spidey

[Open Eyes]

Thanks, I know there isn't much one can say about this. I just needed to vent, I am so weary of this process. They had plenty of time to get these depositions done and out of my way, and they CAN settle this and MY A**HOLE NEIGHBOR should just tell the truth instead of allowing this to go on and on. They KNOW their fence was malfuntioning and THEY KNOW THEIR DOG WAS OVER BY MY HORSES. This is not a mishap accident THIS IS OUT RIGHT NEGLIGENCE. They purposely let that Akida,pitbull, boxer lose at night while I was sleeping because they were TOO DAM LAZY TO FIX THEIR CONTAINMENT SYSTEM AND TOO LAZY TO PUT A LEASH ON THE DOG AND WALK IT.

I am also angry with my own attorney for dropping the ball last year and not paying attention. Yes, I could report him, but to be honest, I didn't have it last year. I honestly didn't have the ability to afford breaking down and not being able to work at all. And anyone who has PTSD knows how difficult conflict is, well, I just didn't have it in me, I needed to focus on therapy and getting a handle on this dam crippling disorder.

Honestly what I want to do is get together with the female opposing attorney and my attorney and address them as human beings in how ABUSIVE AND IRRESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEINGS THEY ARE to allow this to go on and on like this. But I am supposed to sit and just take it and continue to PLAY THEIR ABUSIVE GAME. That what it really is you know. They don't care about the fact that I am a human being who has severe losses because of some A**holes negligence. They just are making their money off of my case, and misery, including my own attorney, what does HE REALLY CARE, because if he did, he would not have forgotten all those depositons like he did. Oh, but what will happen is MY attorney will get mad that I embarrassed him in front of the other attorney and the other attorney will think I am nuts. That is when it would be nice to have some kind of scan like they DO have now to show them MY BRAIN.

No, I didn't include the psychological damage in my suit because my attorney told me that my neighbor would have access to my file that mentions CSA. That isn't right either, how does his negligence give him the right to intrude on me even more? Honestly I still can't believe my attorney is right on that one, but I can't find whether he is right or not anywhere in my online searches. One would think that he would be prevented from knowing that information. If I ever do find out my attorney advised me wrong on that there will be hell for him to pay.

Oh, I talk to myself all the time, everytime I pass my neighbor in his truck on the way to therapy, wow no matter when I leave 9 times out of 10 I end up passing him, in the middle of the afternoon?, how creepy that is, and triggery too. I try to tell myself that "I" am in his face as a constant reminder. But it doesn't seem to work so well, I get triggered and angry and I just want to smash into him sometimes. Ofcourse I am a non violent person and would never harm anyone.

Well, it is just nice to have some place to vent where others can relate. I know I would be much better if I wasn't stuck in this constant request to have to keep remembering and know that at any time I could get a letter or a phone call about me having to do another deposition. And I know that it is a game just to wear me out, that is wrong, that is ABUSE. And for me, it is injuring my brain, I can feel it. And though I try so hard to overcome it, my brain just shuts down. It is like this black screen comes down and I cant push my way through it, and I know somehow my brain is trying to protect itself from the pain of trying to remember so many awful things I had to deal with and see in my nice little ponies that were so loving and good. They were like my children you know, years of working and training them and bonding with them. And I still have ones I am taking care of everyday. My white pony looks awful, lost all his muscle, I can't work him with his damage.

Open Eyes

[Trippin2.0]

Sending you tons of s I wish I could relieve you of your suffering

[TheSilentEmpath]

Jeez... I know I'm too young to have dealt with all of this, or to be able to offer any good advice for this type of thing (like you've done for me so many times) but I really really hope you can find the strength to deal with this and I wish the process wasn't so hard on you and hope it ends soon I dislike the fact that the legal system allows people to play as abusers. It's definitely something that an end needs to be put to..

I am sorry ((((OE)))) I am just coming across your post now. I wish there was something I could say or do to help ease your suffering.

I hate what the legal system has turned into, and civil litigation is out of control...the lawyers are horrible and will stop at nothing. In these types of matters, especially where there are complex damages, the lawyers drag it out forever.

It is incredibly stressful and a miserable experience to have to go through.

Just the little bit that you've shared, I suspect the damages are enormous on many levels; both compensatory and punitive and there are several parties involved. I just cannot imagine...I know you just want for it to be over already! (that is what they are doing to you. they are pushing you to the brink hoping you will cave)

It has to be impossible to move on and heal considering you have to relive all of this pain over and over, and then with all of the visual reminders... anyone would be pushed to their limit.

I am so glad you are coming here to share and vent. You are in my heart and thoughts and I send you big hugs (sorry I can't be there to help you get through this).

We are here for you. I am so sorry for your pain and suffering. You are such a lovely person. Nobody deserves to be put through hell like this - at all.

Please take care of you. Again, keep posting here and sharing.

OE, unfortunately, your attorney is right that if you bring up psychological damage, the other attorney will have access to your records, which would include the CSA. Your attorney could argue that the new trauma triggered you and that your damages are even more substantial than a person with no past history of trauma. However, that would still mean that your neighbor's attorney, and therefore probably your neighbor, would know about the CSA.

I am sorry about your attorney making mistakes and dropping the ball. It sounds like he is inept. I am so very sorry about your horses also. I have horses of my own, and I have lost one to a broken leg, so I can only image the trauma of losing more than one.

I would appreciate it if people could tone down the anti lawyer rhetoric. We are not horrible, evil people. Most attorneys have good ethics and good hearts. Most of us do not drag things out forever. Insurance defense attorneys are, by and large, unethical and do most of the dragging things out. And your neighbor's attorney, in reality, is an insurance defense attorney. It will be his homeowner's that covers the judgment. However, the vast majority of us do not represent insurance companies, and we get paid only when the case is done and we collect. Therefore, we have no incentive to drag things out.

[Open Eyes]

Oh, thank you My kids are Cool for answering a long time question for me as I did NOT include the psychological injury in my case. I did not know if a judge would consider the brief mention of CSA in my records to be not something needed to be discussed and shared with my neighbor an his attorney.

You are accurate about his representation being an attorney for an insurance company. And yes, it is well known that they drag things out to tire out the person who is claiming damage. And in my case, they are following along with that path of taking their time and dragging things out. However my own attorney failed to inform me of three scheduled depoisitions because of his inablity to keep track and remember. I don't put all the blame on the opposing attorney and I would not blame that attorney for even being angry. Yes, I would agree with an attorney not having any incentive to drag things out, however my attorney dropped the ball and he knows it. I spoke with him and explained that dragging out my deposition was truely aggrivating my PTSD, but that didn't prevent him from failing once again to inform me of a deposition not even 24 hours in advance so I could prepare. And he had to appologize and admit his error. I will never know what excuse he gave to the opposing attorney. I am still awaiting to finish being deposed to complete a deposition that took place way back in 2010, um we are now well into 2012.

It is the system that I dislike, the attorneys only follow the system and I have learned will use the system to their advantage as in the case of insurance companies dragging things out. Personally I feel that this is wrong and there should be a way that someone can state they are suffering from PTSD so this dragging out doesn't take place. And perhaps some day they will have the ability (and they have developed technology now) to see that there is a pathology that takes place in the brain with PTSD. So perhaps with that, it would eliminate those just using PTSD as an excuse to beat the system too.

I have tried very hard to look at this objectively My Kids are Cool. But I know what I experienced and my neighbor was well aware their system was down and they thought we wouldn't see it at night. There is also a history of these people being disrespectful of boundaries (even tearing down no trespassing signs on my property which is on file with the police with them admitting tearing them down) as well as feeling they should be able to set of fireworks next to my horses/ponies as well, which as you know is against the law. There is also a history of us having to take extra steps for them to contain their dogs in the first place. They would sit on their front steps watching their dogs run onto our property and openly disregard us verbally when we continueously asked them to remove their dogs from our property. Forget the police, they wont come out, and call the dog warden?, oh maybe they will get back to you or maybe they wont as was the case with me, took them a couple of weeks to get out., yeah, that bad.

I understand that we live in a world where people abuse the legal system with faulty claims, so the ones that have a genuine claim have to pay for that. But allowing a case to drag on for years like this is wrong IMO.

The first couple of years all I dealt with were flashbacks and sleepless nights (night terrors) only about the losses of animals, dealing with several injured animals and planters faciitus in both feet from all the handwalking of the crippled animals. Prolonged dragging out of the case turned my flashbacks into re experiencing things I thought were long resolved. I honestly didn't know PTSD could get this bad, never in my wildest dreams would I imagine what I have been dealing with. I can't even afford to complete the examining of some of the animals to reveal all the damage involved, there is no money to do so, my business is only a faint fraction of what it used to be. And basically what I do make is to feed the animals I have left and to pay on the mountain of debt that was created from a negligent disrepectful family who knew better. For the past five years his life goes on, while I have been paying bills, dealing with PTSD, and being requested to remember, remember, remember and pay for something I need to get past.

Honestly?, there is no amount that can give me back what I really want, what I had before my neighbor was so negligent. I was so happy that spring, we all were and I had no idea what this thing called PTSD was nor did I ever dream I would be here today writing this post back to you about this.

Open Eyes

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I would appreciate it if people could tone down the anti lawyer rhetoric. We are not horrible, evil people. Most attorneys have good ethics and good hearts. Most of us do not drag things out forever. Insurance defense attorneys are, by and large, unethical and do most of the dragging things out. And your neighbor's attorney, in reality, is an insurance defense attorney. It will be his homeowner's that covers the judgment. However, the vast majority of us do not represent insurance companies, and we get paid only when the case is done and we collect. Therefore, we have no incentive to drag things out.

Sorry ((((MKAC)))), I should have been more specific to mention insurance defense attorneys and litigators. That was in my mind the time I wrote the post.

Civil attorneys have every reason to drag things out Ad infinitum and Ad nauseam - to protect their clients' - which are usually huge corporations, insurance companies, banks, etc. - interests.

They push the envelope as far as they can and are relentless. And why not? The system is so broken they can get away with it.

While I do agree that many attorneys have good hearts with some sense of values, most kids graduate law school with dollar signs in their eyes and go down from there. Or drop out all together. (Not their fault, of course. The cost of law school these days, the only way to repay the loan and come out ahead is to shark your way through the system. You have to, to survive. It's a nasty business)

Unless you are being paid on a contingency basis. Or are working as civil servants, I really have a very hard time seeing lawyers in a totally postive light.

[Open Eyes]

Oh, I knew you were refering to the attorneys in the system I am in Rose, as we have discussed this before.

I am sure ((( My Kids are Cool))) there are good caring attorneys, I have just had some bad experiences with what I have seen in my life. I watched my father go through hell while attorneys made mistakes and took thousands from an estate in charges. My parents had good reason to file a grievance (it was recomended by the probate judge as he saw the errors and wrongs of the attorneys) however my mother suffered a stoke from the stress and it wasn't worth her being more stressed (she would not have lived through it as they were too old) by pursuing the attorneys who made major mistakes with that case. That is another long story that would make your eyes pop out. There ARE good attorneys, but there are also ones that are BAD. Sigh...I suppose just like everything else in the scheme of things. There are good neighbors and there are BAD ones that are disrepectful and intrusive as well.

Open Eyes

[Cotton ball]

(((open)))
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Although having experienced different issues I empathize greatly with what you are going through. I'm going to pm you the name of a book that helped me greatly while having to deal with legal issues. The legal abuse syndrome can only add frustration and insult to injury. It's not an attack on the system but a way to help cope with it. I found it very helpful and enlightening. Maybe it might help?
Goodnight!

For what it's worth, I would say that 80% of the attorneys I know are good people (and I know a lot of attorneys).

There is a kind of standard speech that I give clients who come to me with issues like yours, OE. I will tell people that the legal system is not set up to give you satisfaction. It isn't set up to give you justice. As your attorney, I cannot get either of those things for you. I cannot even get you an apology no matter much you deserve it. What I can get you -- what the system is set up to give you -- is money and a resolution, eventually. That's it. That's all I can get you. If what you want is closure, I always recommend that people go to counseling. If what you want is an apology or some resolution with your opposing party, you can try mediation, but regular litigation isn't going to get you there.

OE, I really hope this situation resolves itself as quickly as possible for you. I will be thinking of you.