[beauflow]

So talking about my issues on PC has not really made things better.... talking to my boyfriend/s/o here and there has- we still are not to the talk in our safe bedroom and talk talk time yet- that will probably be in the morning.

I know that may sound odd- bed is a safe place for me to talk more opening for some reason with him. I can still talk to him on the phone when I am in need of it -- but the real issues and deeper issues, bed is safe place. It is good for me- the last therapist said to continue talking to him so I do- He is a good listener and a perception is something he was blessed well with... so it is not the talking issue I am having right now..

The problem I am having today is that this week i have been up and down, with clarity and then despair- so fast as well..Today is like -- i can't sleep- I have been up way to long and I need to work tonight...

I was just wondering if anyone had some ideas with the problem with tense and not sleeping due to triggers that are going on.. I know it is self soothing...

I have already taken a shower- some times that helps, I tried some of my tea; that has not helped, I just got off the phone with my boyfriend and yet I felt great while talking with him-- he made me feel so much better, but then I sit and I am like-- awake, I read things that I have recently posted or my mind keeps wondering and I can't get it to stop.

I don't want to take a sleeping pill due to they make me feel like crap when I get up- and plus I wont get 8 hours, and I said the last time was the last time with those darn things.

I will try to go lay again here in a minute or so--- I have not been drinking caffiene either -- I am literally stressed out- and it is due to old memories, thoughts getting from I will be ok- to I will never be ok- along with other things-- even my muscles are tight-- it is like a part of me does not want to go to sleep either even though i feel so drained.

here are the other recent posts if wondering: I keep wondering if I should had posted these first Two of what happened over the weekend and the honesty thread here in PTSD due to I know that is part of my issues with this stuff--- and instead I posted them else where; where i think people don't understand PTSD so things perhaps I am taking wrong with how they are said and I am getting hurt by it.

Mad face due to I am angry with this- I am trying to figure out my key points of why-- i am getting there; it is just going to take time. idk if it would be trigging -- It is something that triggered me due to what actions were taken -- perhaps only to me it was triggering to (it is what it seems like for the most part)
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=230144

Relationship and Communication- Trig due to someone upset me and I end up giving a part of my life story- but helpful from the first poster with getting some perception which I think the world could use a little more of
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=230300

This one is in coping with emotions- Trig for Sui talk but a little solution and helpful suggestion in it as well from another member
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=230465

thanks in advance all...

sorry this is long

[Spiderlegs]

Take calcium late in the evening and drink lots of Chamomile Tea.

[Open Eyes]

Beauflow,
You were triggered because these people don't respect your feelings. I don't think it was appropriate for them to give him that card myself. And I don't like the way they said not to let you see it, so that is admitting IT WAS NOT APPROPRIATE.

I am sorry you were triggered, I can't blame you. But you are in love with your SO not them, and your SO loves you. And at least your SO agreed with you.

You just have to let your anger out. If you can do something active like go for a brisk walk, or even vacuum where you are living, that will also help burn off the anger so you can sleep. You need to find ACTIVE things to do when you get triggered and angry as it will help you burn that off. A vacuum is good because it is exercise and makes soothing noise too.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[beauflow]

well-- I try to do what my boyfriend tells me to do when he is with me and I am this way-- Try to clear out your mind, try to think of nothing but space or just a happy place.... I was able to get about 3 hours of sleep but I had a nightmare that i don't want to talk about... i feel so tired.. my coworkers have told me to go take a nap..... sort of funny with me, i can't sleep at work though.

Spiderlegs- Really calcium? I need to take calcium any who-- I need to get more teas I like chamomile.

Open Eyes - oh boys there have been many days where cleaning and on top staying up going to work, staying up at home-- it has appeared to be the hypomania that helped with the Bipolar2 dx which I am going to ask with another T if I ever get there. it is funny that now I am like leave the PTSD on me but take off the bipolar, but when I first was dx I flipped out with the PTSD dx not the bipolar...... ANy who working ya tail off it has helped in ways but then also a part of me feels like i am just pushing things away- ignoring again... but I see what a distraction can do for good on these things instead of being reactionary and over analyzing I suppose in my case.

Just a side note with the whole honesty thread---It seems like the world is best off with ignoring which I don't get.... Ya know I have always believed in the concept even before I really understood from others of what it would result in, but the concept of breaking the cycles of abuse. I always said when I was little I don't want to be like this or that; i wanted to escape it all... "always try to make the next generation better" is something my dad used to tell me as well-- he had many flaws and part of his actions and stuff is part of my pain but none the less even he too, to a point was like "break the cycle" even if he could not in his early years.

idk- my boyfriend told me we would talk this weekend... I am really trying not to rock the boat any where I just don't understand things and I am trying to get it- I don't think it is right for others to tell me not to have perception to understand- It is what helps me not rock the boat to be honest and to be better and what has helped me out since I was a kid to think outside of the box-- I am sure that poster will ignore me with what I wrote back which was not negative but i asked not to be attacked.

On another side note: my Boyfriend he even understands of my pain with his family's actions- even his sister with not acknowledging what I replied with her writing on my FB page-- She has posted and wrote on others wall since she wrote of the dog question again and I have replied...--- It feels like she is wanting to rip open my wounds again-- the sad part is he realized that when I mentioned she has been on FB with other posts and just seems like to ignore what I answered to her question. I told him the least she could do is acknowledge it- this has been painful... I have already told him twice to talk to her-- if this third time does not work, I will put the fear of being the b i t c h as so many see with trying to communicate and tell her that the least she could do is acknowledge what I wrote to her. To be honest I don't see what is wrong with that.
I don't think he just agreeing to be agreeing by the way-

But I am tired and babbling

be well all--- I will try again with teas, and I will try to take calcium more (need to any who with my back I am just so bad at times with taking care of me- which i wish I was better with)...

Lol hopefully next week my home wont look like a tornado went threw it- this week i have not really done any cleaning and it looks bad... one big sign to tell I am deeply bothered.

The sad part is with all of this I have forgotten to RSVP for the baby shower of a friend that I have not seen since High school-- I really wanted to go to the baby shower, but even now I am doubtful that with a week i will be up to it. perhaps I will be.. I will be sure to write her a note and send her something as well but idk...

be well all and sorry for writing so much.

[makememe55]

-I have this, in 2002 I TOLD my Doctor about how I was being beatenup it was awful, he would beat me for hours/ for years. I still dont sleep it is 2>12 am

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by makememe55

-I have this, in 2002 I TOLD my Doctor about how I was being beatenup it was awful, he would beat me for hours/ for years. I still dont sleep it is 2>12 am

Makememe

So when you told your doctor about this did they suggest with getting in therapy? Have you read some litature perhaps?

Years of of being physically abused, every day, does a lot to the mind.

All I can say it taking baby steps- my childhood was 25 years ago and I still have issues with it and learning things still.

Is there anything that perhaps make you feel safer when you go to bed? i.e. a certain pillow, a stuffed animal, a real animal, a certain item. Something that you can focus on good things and feel safe when you wake up from your traumatic past.

I.e. Some times when I am feeling really down, I go ask my cat to come sit with me, usually he does I pet him, there are even sometimes when talking my Boyfriend will go get my cat and we will pet him... I know it may sound silly to some but I always had a cat/cats when I was little, they were comfort when I was little and even as an adult they are comfort.

I hope you well on your healing Makememe...