haunted by the past...

I've recently left a pretty voliatile family situation...i'm 21 now and when i was growing up, as far back as i can remember my parents thought with each other and i felt like i was the scapegoat for thier problems, i was the one holding that family all together. My mum has bipolar disorder but she refuses to seek any help at all for it...and a lot of it my parents blamed on me. anyway, i am in therapy atm and keep having, well i dunno if they're flashbacks, but if someone is talking about her family or whatever i'll think back to how difficult things are with my parents and often certain memories will come up like my mother saying she wished she was dead when i was a teenager or my getting into such a bad argument to the point where my father hit her. and i hafta remind myself i'm not there anymore, i'm safe now, but at the same time i just can't seem to get it all out of my head. i wish i could, i want to just move on...

Zombiette,

It sounds like flashbacks from triggers. And you are moving on - through therapy. Be patient and kind to yourself, it takes times. I'm glad you recognize the need and are getting help before 20 years passes and you wonder what happened to your life.

Be patient with yourself. It's okay to vent here.

thanks...yeah, it is quite freaky sometimes but i'm trying to get through it...i know it takes time, but sometimes it sooo frustrating that it does!!!

I HEAR YAH SISTER! I've been soooo frustrated this last week - too many triggers, too many nightmares, too many flashbacks - yikes. It seems to cycle. Sometimes it's good, sometimes like this last week - it bites. PC has been a great support for me. So many wonderful people here.

I'm glad you are seeking help now. I waited for many years not knowing about it. I have been through many things. anger, fear , hurt people and many things I can not undo. I did not know how to deal with things and I made things worse. some of the things I did I can never forgive myself for espicially when I was on drugs. I was not able to feell any pain when I was high or drunk. Now at 58 I have everything seeming to come up now I am having a hard time dealing with the things I have done so any help you can get its great. may God be with you and yours

(Welcome to PC ster)

I agree that it's good you're seeking help now. The sooner you do work through this, the easier it will be and the less it will negatively influence the rest of your life! Zombiette, imo most children do feel like they are the ones responsible for keeping parents together, and when the divorce happens, feel like it is their fault. I'm thinking you know in your mind you aren't the fault of their fighting etc...but the emotional toll still affects you. Feel better soon! TC