how has trauma affected your relationships?

excerpts from <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.ncptsd.org/facts/general/fs_effects.html>Effects of Trauma</A>

"People who have experienced traumas may have problems in relationships with others because they often have a hard time feeling close to people or trusting people .... Trauma survivors may feel detached or disconnected from others because they have difficulty feeling or expressing positive feelings.

how has trauma affected your relationships?

i can't stand my husband getting close to me because i feel trapped, like i did when i was raped. i was recently married AND i can't stand the man close to me! i'm trying to work through this problem but i'm scared, tense, numb, frozen...scared to feel.

<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>

purebugg...

Good quote. It's true I think. It seems to affect all of our relationships.

I was never raped, but went through a lot with my ex, including a couple of suicide attempts and witness him go into an addiction. I can no longer trust him and I have a hard time trusting others because of it too.

The only way I once knew I was cared about or could show love was through sex, and at the same time, it scared me to death; after the last trauma incident, I needed my boyfriend (now husband) to cuddle me while at the same time being unable to feel him touch me without feeling like the unwanted touching was still there. When I couldn't handle the feelings or I was getting into something I didn't want, I would freeze up, and I was then totally vulnerable. Also, my constant "I want you" and then "no, I can't" attitudes drove guys crazy--and not in a good way.

I now have a great physical relationship with my husband. He learned about why I reacted like I did (There is a lot of information out there--on line, through counselors, etc. on PTSD for partners of victims), and he would never take something farther with me than I did with him. He payed attention to my body language to know when to lay off--if I started spacing, he just layed with me and cuddled. Over time, I learned that he cared more for me than about his sexual wants, and I learned to view him--and his touch--apart from what had happened to me in the past. It takes time and a loving husband.

thanks conklinca for sharing. that's a good idea for me to have my hubby read up on PTSD for partners.


<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>