my big brother just committed suicide

Havent been able to see T as I was out of town due to dealing with the death and next week she will be on vacation. Will try to see pdoc next week and made appt with church bishop this sunday. Even good memories are too painful right now, but I can focus on my friends and family who are here and how we can appreciate, enjoy each others' company and support each other. My dog is a great comfort and then my kids inside are really hurting. They were mesmerized by a pony next door to my sister. Maybe I will see if I can brush horses or something?? But there aren't so many where I live.

((((((likewater))))))

am so very sorry for your deep pain and loss.
My brother took his life December 12, 2011 and can understand the feelings or lack of feelings.
I hope u continue to post and keep us updated on how u r doing and if would like to talk about things please PM me.
hugs,
jen

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my sister recently but not from suicide from a heroin overdose. I'm thinking of you. I understand the wanting to hold him and comfort him feeling completely. I thought that just today. I feel like I failed her and should have been more supportive

........So sorry.

you have my deepest sympathies.

please know i care.

and idk if you are connected to any religious or spiritual thing but i would like to pray for you

(((newtus))) thank you. Yes I believe in prayer. (((payne))) thank you. (((nicray))) I feel like I let my brother down. I want a time machine so I could do anything and everthing to save him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I really don't know how to. keep on going except I just do I
guess. My sister is devastated she and my brother were only a year apart. When she got kidnapped, he wouldnt eat or open his Christmas presents until she came home, and when he got spanked, she cried. ((( jenn29))) i'm so sorry about your brother

((((likewater)))))

This is very very sad, My heart goes out to you and your family, My mum died recently very suddenly and I am devastated so I can't imagine how you must be feeling, Please don't feel that you have let your brother down, Many many hugs to you

Thanks, Tinkerbell. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Of course, I feel I let my brother down. A couple days before he died, his calendar was marked, "nobody called." I would do anything to go back in time and call him or drive and pick him up and take him
to hospital. I feel dead inside. Everyone expects me to get back to normal, well I wasn't really able to function before this happened and now I really can't and i've been on my own struggling / drowning for so long. Just no one sees it because I try so hard and I vowed to never do anything like kill myself but no one understands that me not doing that is the biggest act of love and sacrifice of all and that is the truth- if there were no one else involved but me-i would have done it years ago. So instead, i'm always stuck in this
miserable limbo between living and dead. After our brother died it's worse. I don't know how to make it better. I'm on every med , tried every therapy. Grrrrr. And somehow I feel like i'm letting everybody down because I just can't function and get it together, and that's why I wasn't there for my brother. No one can count on me.

I cannot imagine your pain and your heartache...but i do know that he can feel your love for him! And how much HE means to you ..and how much you MISS him...I cannot put into words how sorry I am...GoodBye seems impossible, letting go of the pain IMOSSIBLE!, but LOVE is ETERNAL!!!!!!!!!!!May you be protected by GRACE and Inspired by all the LOVE and LIFE

Likewater, i cannot say anything but i am sorry for your loss and your brother's too. i have no words that have not already been expressed by others. i want to cry with you and cry for him. Cry because he could not hold on any longer and chose to leave. This stranger to you cares.

Thanks Bemee2 and Deathwish

I so so sorry, likewater. It is so hard to grieve when it seems like life just goes on and you are stuck in time from the shock of the loss. I have been there, my best friend committed suicide almost 2 years ago. You are in my thoughts.

((((krisakira))))

Oh honey.

The loss of a sibling, especially from suicide, is indescribable. Nothing is right. Nothing is okay. Hon, I know where you are.

Just know that you are loved. We are here for you.