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#1
May 03, 2006, 09:07 PM
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In one of my most recnt posts a message mentioned fear.... more psecifically "I'm scared", referrining to me.
It has many yrs that I am unable to accept fear.... which is associated with vulnerability... any form of vulnerability is not acceptable to me. It started after my trauma(s) but was intensified after living and being married to a "true" soldier. He has brainwashed me to the point that I cannot cry, I cannot accept vulnerability in any form...etc. I know for a fact, with all of my issues, that I would make a very good soldier, almost was, at the same time I am NOT a soldier....I am a woman... and I feel very confused.... inside I feel like there are two forces pulling me in opposite directions! Does anyone understand any of this or am I losing my mind?!!!!!! Patricia |
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#2
May 03, 2006, 09:28 PM
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this was a control issue I think he may have treated you that way because it is the only thing he knows. When I cam back I had that same attitude. the problem is you are not in the military you are a women, that has feeling being human is important. I was nonhuman for a long time when I stopped drinking abd using I had to learn how to feel all over again. Well its been great. after all we are human I enjoy feelings ( idont care for the bad ones though) trying to hold the garbage in for me always lead to an explosion. feel nature and life feel your feelings do not be afraid of them. that can be hard to do. God be with you and yours
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as always ONE DAY AT A TIME |
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#3
May 03, 2006, 09:29 PM
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(((safe hug))) Yes, that is typical of PTSD. For me, I can know the difference between what my mind says and what my brain makes my body feel. I am constantly having to battle what I FEEL I need to do, what I FEEL I want to do.. (ESCAPE!) but I know I must THINK of what the T says, THINK of the truth, or at least THINK that what I FEEL is not the truth.
Did that make sense to you?
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#4
May 04, 2006, 08:14 AM
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Thanks ster and sky...
this is an issue I've been trying to deal with for a loooong time, without much progress. I'm feeling better thismorning... your messages touched me and I appreciate that very much. wishing you the best,  Patricia xx |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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