[Mindinpieces]

I have never posted in this forum as I have never been diagnosed with PTSD. This make me feel a little awkward being in here and why I often don’t come to this forum. However I am not looking for an reply here to say oh it seems like you may or an replying saying we can’t tell you I know that and that is not what I am looking for but I was just making it clear in case someone gets the wrong idea.

Why I am here though is this a past accident still causes me problems and it has been 6 years however me not having PTSD is down to I don’t get flash backs nor nightmares of that accident. However what has extremely troubled me since then is extreme fear and I mean heighten anxiety that I feel constantly running through my body and there are other physical effects like sweating, shaking and usually more than often am unset stomach as well as lack of sleep for days on and off. What is more troubling now is little things really set e off feeling like this which is getting ridicules but each and every time I naturally react this way and I wish I could stop it. What really doesn’t help is with people thinking it is just down t anxiety they totally dismiss me when I can’t keep breaking this or just keep doing more of the same. However why can’t they understand that my anxiety stems from the car accident even in therapy when I try to explain why I think the way I do or what causes my anxiety they just don’t understand or they normally say why would a person think like that or they just try to brush it off.

Things they don’t get

After the car the thoughts of everything you do has an impact on everyone or thing around you.

I panic and I can’t be around people because I can’t get over this fear and normally more than often because of this thought I cause so much problems for people because I just can’t function around them because of my fear… so more than often I end up in doors not leaving the house because as long as I don’t come into contact with people I can’t impact on them and that stop’s my fears to a certain extent

However I constantly worry as I am unemployed and I know sooner or later I will have to face the world again however again that fear of impacting people is too much because I worry beforehand at all the possible impacts I would make on people by doing something… which has now got to the point where other people consider I have loss all my confidence however it is more than that. It is like I have lost the ability to function in the first place to just do what is required of you and I don’t think I will be able to ever get other this to a time where I can just do some things with constantly thinking what impact is this making what effect on people or things am I causing.

Another thought is I can’t trust myself, I was partly to blame for the car accident.

So any decisions or responsibility I can’t stand having because I can’t trust myself to be there in that place because the last time I functioned properly the accident happen and ever since after that nothing has ever gone right again. So again with jobs this is extremely hard as I am always worrying and people just think I worry too much but they can’t understand I just can’t stop my worry or that I am not worrying myself silly just because I am naturally inclined that way, it has actually to do with the car accident change me and my way of thinking and I can never again in the same way as I used to, it is always clouded by what has happened and how that has change how I see things and all the trying to correct that way of thinking has never worked nor will it because sometimes things can’t be undone. Hence CBT is of not help to me and the very therapy I know in theory should help me in my instance.

Sometimes I don’t have to be worrying or thinking my body just is stuck reacting in a certain way.

All therapy I have had over that 6 years period has never helped because I feel worse now and my reactions are getting worse more now to new things that years ago I never reacted to even before I had the therapy in such a way. It appears I never will overcome this, so my reactions are running high and extremely affecting me, it is at a level which isn’t right for a person but still people just shrug it off and I am to blame for not being able to keep it together or causing this by reacting in such a way. I know a lot of how we are is to do with the thoughts eg CBT however I don’t see how this is just something I can think myself out of yet still I am to blame for not just doing that and not overcoming this.

I don’t really know what I expect form posting in here but I guess maybe someone here may understand that sometimes you can’t help but react to things and maybe if you have been treated for that but treated wrong for that or been complained at for not getting better with the treatment but no one understands or properly listens the I am sure it would help me a lot to know I am not the only one how keeps going around in circle and is losing it because of this, However I wouldn’t wish that feeling or situation on someone but I know I can’t be the only person out there feeling like this or in a situation like this.

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense and I hope it was ok of me to post it here.

[Open Eyes]

(((Mindinpieces)))),

Oh hun, I am sorry that you have been so invalidated and are still so challenged with anxiety and such a sense of "low self esteem" or that "you are doomed to be a failure" in life.

I cannot say you have PTSD, but what I can say is that I also was in a car accident and it forever changed me. I was driving along a wet road and I wasn't driving fast either. There was a Truck in the road and it was "stopped" and had no break lights on or even blinkers. By the time I discovered it wasn't "moving at all" it was too late and even though I should have "not hit it" my car kept going forward on the wet road and it was like slow motion where I saw the front of the car crincling up and before I knew it my head was in the windshield. Forget having any time to hang onto the steering wheel, it was clear I had no control what so ever.

From then on I could not be "close" to any vehicles in front of me or I would have terrible anxiety. And no one would "respect" how bad that really is for me. My husband would even "tease me" by constantly "following too close" to the cars in front of us. It would anger me to no end because of the way people made fun of me about the fact that I had to have at least two or more car distance between me and the car in front while in traffic. I actually preferred "no" car in front of me tbh. I still have that issue now and it has been many years since my accident. And I can tell you, I am a very "defensive" driver now, but it has saved me many times because lets face it, people are A holes when it comes to driving on the roads these days.

I have a friend that was in a car accident on a bridge and to this day she cannot drive over any bridge herself, she has to have someone else driving. So it isn't just you that is challenged this way, and it isn't just you that gets picked on for being anxious about it.

What I "am" concerned about though is that you have let this inhibit your sense of being capable in other areas as well, and that is something you need to work past.
You are not a "failure" overall my friend, however this is not uncommon. Actually I spent years teaching children how to ride and had to often help them get over their sense of failure if they fell off or made a mistake somehow. The only way to get past that is to allow yourself to take on challenges and get used to making gains and accomplishments to a point where you know you "can" achieve.

In fact my daughter has dislexia and failed many times at things, but with time and constant encouragement from me, she kept trying and learned that she "can" accomplish things and now she is strong and while she still can make mistakes, she also knows that she really can learn and achieve as well.

Hey, you have a very "capable" brain hun and you really can learn and achieve, you have to give yourself a chance now hun. Really, you have to do some "self care" now and allow yourself to get back to "achieving" again. Just because you made a mistake or got in a car accident, well, we all make mistakes, but we also can over come and learn and achieve at our own rate as well.

I know all about "anxiety" and how challenging it is as well. I definitely have PTSD and that is an anxiety disorder that is very challenging. But, I can tell you that if you make efforts to give yourself a chance to make some "achievements" and begin to realize you actually can and can finally let go of "condeming self as a failure", you will gain on that anxiety. I know it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen as you allow yourself to stop being so negetive and realize you "can" actually do things right.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[Mindinpieces]

Open Eyes Thank you so much for your reply

I am sorry I don't have anything to say in reply but actually that may not be a bad thing, it means your words have reached me and touched a note or two, that I can learn from.

I guess you have seen this many times from people in your life. I think the hardest thing is facing something again and again assuming and resulting usually probably at no real intention or fault of that person but ending up in their own self defeat once again from their own doing, sort of. But I wonder how much I can take and those in my life can take of me facing things knowing I will do the same things, mistakes, yet again each time. I kid myself into thinking maybe this time I will do it differently, yet it always ends up with me at the same starting point and the other people in my life lost for words and shaking their heads usually with a bid sigh and that look that says it all.

Do people that come back after setbacks or mistakes and face things once again. Do you find they fix it or change the outcome more than often? or sometimes maybe with some people something’s just are not meant to work out that way and they can never break that cycle have you seen that occur?

I guess this all comes down to people and their experiences and opinions base on their life’s up to that point, whether or not they see it as a bad thing, of me still trying after so many failed attempts or whether the negative I hold on myself is from a sense of realization from others about myself and my life so far... I guess it can't be true of everyone and it is just an old habit of bad thinking on my part considering no one is the same as the next person.

Sorry not really a reply just more thoughts. However I hope I have thanked you and please do realize as I am sure you do what a wonderful and insightful person you are, it is very much appreciate

[Open Eyes]

It sounds to me like you have very "negetive" people around you tbh, and that "is" a problem. Some people can make you feel like a failure no matter what, they get so they "grade you" unfairly and if not careful, you can end up believing it. I don't believe that people "can't learn grow and achieve", I have seen too many turn around "inspite" of the negetive they seem to get from family and people that assume they will just fail somehow.

Open Eyes