[Little Me]

Feel so worn out I don't know how much I can write. I can hardly talk and feel like such a blob. I know it is stress induced. I want to take it... or get it away. I don't like feeling like this.

[Open Eyes]

(((LittleMe))),

I know the feeling, and sometimes if this is all you can say, thats fine too. Writing out how you feel is also a way to slow down, calm down, and release.

I am listening.

(((Understanding Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[mississippimom3]

wanted to thank you for sharing. My family and friends don't understand why I have changed. I don't either really. I feel like a blob too.

[Open Eyes]

((((mississippimom))),

Hi, welcome to PC. Yes, that is a symptom of PTSD, give yourself time to understand it and slowly work on it. Do you have a T you are working with?

Sigh....I know family and friends don't understand it, sorry about that. Make sure you stay connected with people who "do" understand it and can offer you support so you don't feel so alone with it. You have to make sure that you are very patient with yourself and allow yourself lots of time to work on it in therapy, know that it does take time and that you can only work at it slowly.

Make sure that you have a place you can go where you will not be interupted and can feel safe and get rest. PTSD is tiring to work through so it is very important you have that quiet/safe place set up for yourself.

(((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

[Little Me]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((LittleMe))),

I know the feeling, and sometimes if this is all you can say, thats fine too. Writing out how you feel is also a way to slow down, calm down, and release.

I am listening.

(((Understanding Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Not feeling too good the past couple of days and majorly worried about going back to work on Wednesday. Feeling depressed and bored. Not usually me to be bored. I have so many things to do but I want excitement. I feel like the past year had so much "excitement" with the news of my abuse public and with always something happening or maybe happening and now that it is done with it feels so empty and I feel lost and forgotten.
Trying to relax some today but all I can think of doing is exercising but I can't do that all day. I need to be home for my kids some too. Don't want to and shouldn't be complaining because I am very blessed in many ways.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Little Me

Not feeling too good the past couple of days and majorly worried about going back to work on Wednesday. Feeling depressed and bored. Not usually me to be bored. I have so many things to do but I want excitement. I feel like the past year had so much "excitement" with the news of my abuse public and with always something happening or maybe happening and now that it is done with it feels so empty and I feel lost and forgotten.
Trying to relax some today but all I can think of doing is exercising but I can't do that all day. I need to be home for my kids some too. Don't want to and shouldn't be complaining because I am very blessed in many ways.

Ok, well, still make sure you excercise. Can you plan something with the kids like a museum trip where you can walk around too? What you are talking about is that you have a lot of pent us frustration and you need to find a way to burn it off. I have had that too. I have done hours of yard work to burn it off. But that is hard if it is cold and snowy.

Some of that too is part of wanting to "run, flight" and it helps when you are "active' so you can burn off that cortizol build up.

Be patient, you are going to slowly work this all out. And if you need to vent at all, just come here and do it.
Also, try to find some positive thoughts where ever you can, that helps to balance too. A positive movie or shopping or anything you can do that presents a positive feeling.
Open Eyes

[Little Me]

I know that being active keeps me going. Yes, I guess it's a lot of pent up stuff. My kids are wanting down time this vacation so it's hard for me to balance their need and my needs. It's working though. They are ok and that is my primary concern. I exercised hard 2 times today and that helped. I was really feeling down, almost hopeless. Almost went to a movie by myself tonight but the timing didn't work for anything I wanted to see as well as a couple of movies I want to see are long and if I go at night I'm guaranteeing I will fall asleep. Maybe tomorrow night, and I don't mind going by myself if nobody else in my house minds

I need down time too but not used to it and not sure how to do it without major guild.

[Open Eyes]

Well, you have to learn how to allow yourself some down time, "without the guilt".
I know I have been challenged with that myself, but I work hard at not "feeling guilty" and I know that I have to be kind to myself.

You really have to learn to take "one day at a time" and try very hard not to project too far ahead. I know that isn't always easy, but teach yourself to slow down and just take things day by day.

You will get there, just ease up a little at a time. After all, you have had a lot of challenges lately, it wound you up, now you have to slowly let go and decompress.

(((Hugs)))

[Little Me]

I am trying to ease up a little bit all the time. I have made huge progress over the past year. I'm just feeling so frustrated right now. I'm working so hard at taking it easy, easing up and taking it moment by moment that I feel on guard all the time. I have to be perfect at yet another thing or else I will fall to pieces. So much pressure...... yet again.

I'm stressed about being good at this healing stuff. I just am wired that way and it is so hard to feel okay with things. I hate to say it but the best I ever feel is when I'm working out hard hard, or in the jacuzzi after or after a couple of drinks. I yearn for excitement in my life and there is none right now.
Don't know what to do with myself.
whine, whine, whine,. It's not like me to whine so much. Sorry.

[Open Eyes]

(((LittleMe))),

Well, it is not about "retreating" from life. And often that can be "confusing" because PTSD can be tiring. The exercise is always good because it burns off anger and frustration and warms up the body so that the cooling down helps the body relax. That is also why you like the jacuzzi, heating up the body and then cooling it down relaxes the muscles and the body.

The striving for perfection comes from a need to satisfy the hypervigilance and gaining a sense of control. The problem is that we cannot truely gain "perfection" so the effort can bring on "anxiety and stress" and even anger. The house doesn't really have to be "perfect" and organized all the time, you can let some things go and just enjoy. You need to find a balance of doing the things that help you feel better but also not feeling like you "have to keep up with some mental perfection".

You do need a sense of structure and that is ok, but try to add in some structure that just gives you some space to "enjoy" and "let go" too.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes