[_skylin_]

hi everybody..
quik intro, i'm seeking help to see what i can do to best deal with my 22yr old son's PTSD journey.
P
L
E
A
S
E
be careful reading, may contain triggers, although i am trying to be VERY careful, TRUTH.
ok, i'll try to simplify a bit just to be sympathetic to everybody here. bless his heart, he has been so very strong. my ex was terribly abusive to all of us, him, me and my daughter(now 17) i have recently learned that there may have even been some SA involved with my son.
he has used SI to deal with it for several years now. but in the past year, everything has come to a head. he has been in therapy for 2 years, i have had him online on a PTSD support board (he said absolutely NOT to in-person support groups for now), and he is on zoloft, a ceiling dose.
i totally get why he blames me, and he does. i just dont know how to help him through. to keep going.
the rages sometimes get pretty...big lately. no he doesn't get violent. so far, he just says stuff. and i'm trying to take everything he can dish out, cause frankly he has every right and its pretty much deserved.

but he is at a standstill.....is there anything that you have dealt with that HELPED you through when you got really bad? something that a parent could do?

he has isolated himself in his bedroom, went on med. leave from his job cause he attacked 2 people, (i really love this spell checker!) won't go to college classes, only talks to people from his online support board on the phone...never friends he had around here(i say had cause he only had a few and they have pretty much left him alone by now). now, during one of his rages he informed me that i dont have the right to even ask him to do simple things around the house.....take out the trash, or give me a lift to the store - he actuly told me to walk and its 90degrees here(i cant drive, due to brain damage caused by cancer) etc. which honestly i didn't ask hardly at all because of his problems.

we just got him back home from a weird trip to NY(his stepfather and i paid to get him home, no questns asked, we are just happy to have him home, the whole thing freaked us out ) where he almost married a 33yr old woman (i'm 37, btw, yeh do THAT math) from that support board and he had never met her before! just talked on the phone!

please help. any suggestions at all would be soooooooooo appreciated, truth.
i'm at my wits end.

[LMo]

wow, Skylin... I wish I had some good advice for you but right now, all I can say is that my heart goes out to you, your son, and the rest of your family. This has got to be tremendously stressful. I hope that you're getting some help for yourself as well, to deal with the stress.

I'm not in the same situation as you, but I can relate to living with a loved one who isolates, refuses to contribute, and who seems to refuse help. My husband was like that for a few years when he was severely depressed, and some aspects of it still remain although his depression is under control.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that you have my support and I am willing to listen, if that helps.

[(JD)]

((((skylin))) First, I would encourage YOU to seek in person therapy for this. http://www.cincinnatipsychologist.com/Abuse.html is one place to ask questions.

Not only will healing from your own wounds give you your life back, but will also set a good example for your son to follow. It will also give you support in getting him into expert therapy. PTSD doesn't go away, and can become worse as it is ignored on the surface.

Since your son was able to leave the house for someone from online support, I think you have a good chance of getting him into see a psychologist who displays the same understanding. TC!

Skylin - what helped me were some really terrific therapists along a 20 plus road of on again off again therapy. As for what a mom can do- well I hate to say this but sometimes its actually harder to talk to family members about sexual abuse then it is a therapist. There was no way I would consider for a LONG time of talking to my mother about this especially when the abuse in part was happening from family members. On the one side I wanted it to stop and on the other side I didn't want to hurt my mom by saying this kind of stuff to her because it would have hurt her so much and it did when it was finally out in the open. even now because of who one of my abusers were my mother and I do't talk about this issue. with this topic its too easy for fighting to break out and disagreements and words that shouldn't be said in pain and anger get said on both my end and my mothers. So we have basically foound other areas of common interests and ground. The topic is by no means forbidden among my mother and I its just that we both would rather spend our time together doing the things we both enjoy for, with and about each other. The best thing you could do for your son islet him set the pace. right now he's at a stand still. Guess what "stand stills" are ok. in fact many therapists tempr the hard work with lots of breaks for standing still in between so the person has a chance to process what has been going on. Standing still is part of the healing journey just as much as the hard work part of the journey is healing.

Hang in there

[FaithisAlive]

What about therapy together? It sounds as if maybe both of you have some forgiving to do... you of yourself and him of you too....

Therapy can help you learn to communicate with each other too... without the anger.So much pain to heal from.. it can be done...

Wishing you the best!

[hillbunnyb]

)))))))skylin((((((, ow ow ow, hard hard hard. I'm in agreement that it would be a good idea for you to do therapy on yourself around this issue. I heard you feeling pretty guilt ridden in your post. It's hard to think clearly in that frame of mind.

Suffering now won't prove your love for him, or reveal how sorry you are for what happened to him in the past.

We can't "fix" anybody but ourselves, ya know?

hard hard hard situation. I wish you strength and insight. I hope something clicks to relieve his pain.... unfortunately we can't predict what or when or where on that one.....

[_skylin_]

thank you soooooo mcch to evrybody who replyd to me. (forgive me for not usingg tthe spelchekr tnite, i'll do bettr nxxt time. i'm jus ttoo tired rite now)
we just ggot back from Mich., for a famly vacay tto visit othr ffamly. it rreely went well, conssidring. only a few mishapss. not ttoo bad.

ther are things tthat NEED to bbee done rite now. and i'm reeling. so i just want to let you all no tthat i'm so vrry gratefful to your advvis. i'm reading. i will post latr.
thanks TONS

sara

[Sarah116]

Travel with him and feed him Support and love.