I'm beginning to deal with PTSD, many years after the traumas. My counselor is wonderful. The process is hard. Talking about these things is hard. I only told someone for the first time about a year ago.

I don't remember all the details of the childhood sexual abuse. I only remember some details, some of the emotions, and other details that are fuzzy but I think are real. They cause the same anxiety, but I don't know if that means anything.

The other traumas are similar in that I remember certain points, but could not necessarily tell the story from start to finish; there would be gaps.

Anyone out there who stayed silent for a long time before therapy that can help me? Am I going to re-experience the events when I talk about them, like I do sometimes in flashbacks? And.. if I don't.. if I am in 'numb' mode while in my therapy session, will it appear that the event no longer bothers me or that it is not important.. or will it prevent her from believing me?

I feel like I have to prepare somehow. I would like to not have to look at her when I talk about these things. Maybe that is what walls are for...

Hi ECHOES,

I can relate to this post, and I may come back and talk more in-depth about it, but unfortunately now is not a good time for me with my own stuff.

I just wanted you to know that I hear you and I know it's tough but there a lot of helpful people here that will share their experiences.

You're not alone.

Take care. Hope to talk with you soon.

[(JD)]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
will it prevent her from believing me?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Let me address this? Most therapists know that memories are not stored totally correctly, that whatever you are remembering, or trying to block, is affecting you is evidence enough. SOME thing is causing you to feel numb, right? What's not to believe?

Please don't feel as though you need to work on therapy issues outside of the therapy session. In this case, slower is faster. If you continue to have flashbacks and go numb more often, then you might need to slow down in session.

A good thing is that you probably won't have to go through each and every traumatic experience. Once the brain learns how to correctly "file" a trauma, it will then begin to file all similar ones.

Take care.

[FaithisAlive]

I hid from the memories my entire life.. hanging only onto the vague memory of being abused.I was abused from infancy until I was a teenager and I never spoke of it to anyone.Oh, i told my best friend when we were about 30 something, but I only said the words... not knowing details.And we never talked about it.

Then when my father died the memories flooded my mind.. only i ignored them.. or tried to... and I kept hiding from the pain and anguish of the reality...until therapy.I am 43.All those years.. hiding..stuffing..disassociating..being
numb.

When I started therapy, I avoided talking about it as much as possible.. going and talking about stuff that bothered me that week..chit chat really. And everytime she would lead me into talking about IT,I stared ahead of me. .out the window as i spoke.. I didn't realize i did it... she did.

She is the one that told me I was disconnected.. I still am in many ways.. I have a long way to go.. I have apparently suffered from PTSD for years without even knowing it... the flashbacks are hard.. the missing pieces drive me crazy.. i had to stop trying to remember and just let it come on its own.

I agree with sky.. slower is faster. And no.. it isn't always going to be this way.it gets better...the pain and fear ease up...healing begins... just take baby steps... you are not alone in this.. pm me if you need to..

Sorry to make this about me.. i just wanted to share that so you would know you are not alone.I understand.And it is really going to be okay.

Thank you all for your wonderful replies.

Petunia. write when you are able to. I look forward to your sharing if you feel like sharing.

Sky, thanks for telling me to not try to prepare or work on things outside of the session; that has calmed me down for now. And that memories are not necessarily complete. Also, you repeated my therapist's comment to me when I said I was afraid she wouldn't believe me.

Faith, thank you for sharing about your experiences; that's how it is for me, too. When I can feel her pushing me in that direction, which is fine with me, the panic starts.. I am committed to letting it flow so I can get through this for once, and not quit and run away.

I hope you all have a peaceful and fun day!

[RainbowFaerie]

Hi ECHOES,

That is kinda what I am doing right now at 38. The last trauma was years ago, and I was just diagnosed with PTSD this summer. I go to a group which has been very helpful, and also to individual seesions sometimes on top of group.

My therapist told me that you might not remember everything all at once, it might be in snippets. She also said that sometimes, as Sky mentioned, the memories are not laid down correctly. I know that has been true for me. Sometimes after group I might have a bad dream, and it doesn't necessarily have anything specific to the trauma in it, just a scary dream.

Good for you for beginning a healing journey. Sending you good energy!

RainbowFarie

[(JD)]

Good to hear... she sounds like a "keeper" to me

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope you are doing better at this time. I really commend you in getting the treatment that you need for PTSD it really will help you in the long run. I hope to hear more from you soon. I am going to leave you my email address in case you email. take care Soidhonia