[ThisWayOut]

I was hoping to have the support of a day program to help get through the holidays and start working on the trauma stuff with my therapist in the new year. The problem (aside of insurance not being accepted many places) is that they all seem to have a med requirement. I had really bad experiences with medications for many years and am no longer willing to put my life on the line with them. Even though I still go through bouts of really bad depression, I am functioning MUCH better without meds. I'm safer, which is saying a lot.
All the programs want me to take meds to be able to participate in the program. I am no longer living near the places that had seen me both on and off meds, so no one seems to believe the "crazy" woman who says that meds only make everything worse. Yeah, I get that my mental state is really poor sometimes, but not as bad as on meds. I try to give consent for the programs to reach out to my old therapist and the program I used to go to, but they refuse to even entertain the thought. If my word is no good, and you refuse to contact the professionals that agree with me being off medication, then my hands are tied. Even though I'm pretty much begging for additional support, it's refused because they are of the mindset that meds are a must. I understand they work wonders for some people, and that there are a ton of them out there, but I have tried all meds available up until about 2 years ago. I visited the hospitals so often they stopped doing the full histories because everyone knew me by name at that point (it's really bad when even the per-diem triage nurses know you by face and name). Prior to trying meds, I had never needed hospitalization. I tried them for a short time in college and wound up in the ER. I stopped them for several years (though kept up with therapy) and balanced out. Then I switched therapists to one who happened to push the idea of medication. I reluctantly tried them again. Almost within a month of starting, I was inpatient for the first time ever. I started the revolving door of local hospitals for over 4 years. Then I went out of state to a trauma specialty program and they took me off all my meds. Between the therapy and the lack of meds, I was able to balance again until I returned to where my trauma happened. Now I'm triggered almost every day but can't find additional support. I'm not believed because I have a diagnosis, so I must not know what I'm talking about... I hate that. I know I get really depressed and triggered, but I also know that I can come out of it with additional support safety-nets in place and time to work on what's eating at me... I'm wishing I still lived up north so I could access the help that understood I just need someplace to "be" rather than pumped full of drugs. But then again, if I were up there, I would not have faced being so unbelievably triggered and without support for so long... it's a catch 22. If I were up there, I likely wouldn't need the support, but would be able to get it. Down here I need the support but can't get it. ::

[bird_lover]

I understand you not wanting to put your life on hold while the drs figure out what med will work best for you. But what I am not understanding is why a med would work for PTSD, since you posted this under the PTSD forum??? I was just diagnosed with this last week, and I am trying to understand it.....

You have my sympathy. I hope everything works out for you. (My therapist and psychiatrist are in the same, small office....so it works out well. ).

[ThisWayOut]

they are trying to get the depression under control with meds... there are a few they will use for nightmares also. All of that would be under control if I could just get the root of the ptsd addressed... but they don't see it that way and just want to medicate the depression at the moment (they tend to ignore the ptsd piece because they don't see past the depression diagnosis). I'm looking for trauma treatment, not the meds...
but maybe this would have been better under a different forum.
sorry.

[bird_lover]

Oh, my....are you seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, or a combination??? Why are they not dealing with the PTSD??? You defnitely have it, it would cause the depression, it causes mine. Are you on a depression med yet, I know you said you did not want to take any meds.... You did post under the correct foum, no worries here!!! Maybe you need to see a new therapist??? Mine deals with my PTSD head-on, my issues, things I am dealing with.....hmmmmmm.........I am sorry you are dealing with all of this.....

[ThisWayOut]

It's not my individual t, but I am trying to get extra support in a day pRogram. My individual t is ok, but I may have to find someone else because i can't be unstable dealing with the trauma stuff we should be covering. It's really a big mess all around, but my options are limited. I am not on meds any longer, but every program I look into wants me on them. I had really bad experiences on a number of meds for a lot of years... intensive, focused therapy works better for me, but I can't seem to find that. That's ok, if I bomb out of individual, I think I will go for a residential to get the trauma stuff under control before I look for another t. This move has thrown everything off :/

[reesecups]

Originally Posted by MdngtRain

It's not my individual t, but I am trying to get extra support in a day pRogram. My individual t is ok, but I may have to find someone else because i can't be unstable dealing with the trauma stuff we should be covering. It's really a big mess all around, but my options are limited. I am not on meds any longer, but every program I look into wants me on them. I had really bad experiences on a number of meds for a lot of years... intensive, focused therapy works better for me, but I can't seem to find that. That's ok, if I bomb out of individual, I think I will go for a residential to get the trauma stuff under control before I look for another t. This move has thrown everything off :/

You do realize that residential will basically be the same and probably insist on the meds?

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by reesecups

You do realize that residential will basically be the same and probably insist on the meds?

The ones I have looked in to do not have a med requirement. I know many do.

[HealingNSuffering]

I think it is unfair to force patients to take medications they don't want. Especially when the adverse reactions of those medications can be traumatizing in and of themselves. I also had a bad experience with psych meds and last time I saw my psychiatrist I told him flat out "I'm just coming off drugs, I've been stoned for 12 years straight, I'm sick of numbing all my feelings away, its not allowing me to process the trauma." and he respected my decision and I haven't been denied treatment in the therapy department there. He did say if it was up to him he'd have me taking a bunch of pills, but its ultimately up to me if I want to do drugs or not. I feel fortunate that they are not trying to force pills down my throat. The only pills I like are benzos and they don't like giving those to people with a history of chemical dependency. Thankfully my PTSD is nowhere near as bad as it was over the summer. So I think your insight into your self is better than anybody else. I wish you the best of luck processing your trauma.

[Teacake]

It sounds like you are trying to hang out at the hair salón without getting a trim.

The medical model knows only medicine. There are other models. There are other places to "be" with people that dont require you to take medicine or to be in a sick role. Remember, the west has had a hundred years of psychotherapy and its only made us worse.

I was a suburban mom. Its not a natural life. Its a good life when you have money enough, but its not natural to be so alone. It's not sickness in need of medicine to need to be with people, doing something other than shopping or eating or working. A lot of women go to work because its where their friends are. They may be losing money after taxes and expenses, but work with people is worth the price they pay for the privilege. I

I'm having a day where I'm trembling like a bird. I don't where to go to just be. I called my therapist and she said I need to he on medicine and can go to the hospital. I thought about that a while. The hospital is the last place I need to be. I am not sick. I am very angry. I have good reason to he very angry. A dojo is a good place to play fight of that's what my body wants to do. I also want a hug. Narcotics anonymous would hug me if I went to their meeting and held out my arms. There are places to be. If I really can't stop quaking, I will go to the Quaker meeting house. Maybe it will start a revival of an old tradition.

There are places to be. We don't always need medically trained support. We need human contact. It's pretty funny that there is so much traffic and so little meaningful human contact.