[charlajustin]

For years I have been able to block alot of things some I remember every single detail with others I get strange feelings, does anyone else have this same problem?

When I attempt to talk about the things I remember, I get to the point, where I start physically having trouble breathing basically gasping for air and the whole time just crying uncontrollably as well. So I always have to stop. Does anyone else experience this?

Do any of you sometimes start to have a panic attack or feelings of losing control when someone even if its someone you love, husband, children are standing too close to you and touching you even innocently like tugging on your shirt or just resting a hand on you?

My final question or rather maybe get some opinions for is this. When I turned 18 and finally told my parents about some of the things that happened to me as a little girl. I basically at that point completely blocked my father out of my life. It was gradual and started with visiting him less, talking to him less on the phone ( every conversation on the phone with him up to that point was always me feeling guilty, worthless, unloved and him always saying he was sorry for not being a good father and me crying and feeling sorry for him. ) I now completely have no contact with him other than the occassional email ( usually 1 every month or every other month. ) I feel in my heart I love him very much he is my father but, for some reason I cannot allow myself to be close to him or let him talk to me because, when I do try it always ends the same, in tears and him apologizing and me feeling sorry for him. I have asked myself and seriously tried to remember if at any time did he maybe sexually abuse me but, I cannot fathom it or even find a part of a memory about something like that happening with him. But yet I find for my own mental well being I must stay away from him other than the occassional email. Is this making any sense?

I think I am just trying to understand if all these things are symptons of PTSD. They told me yesterday at the clinic I h ave PTSD but, I have never thought of myself suffering from that or reallized that maybe it is part of my problems.

any advice or answers are greatly appreciated.

[Perna]

I think it can be hard to see what we take for granted, have been working around for years. I had trouble seeing my stepmother as abusive and couldn't even call her my "stepmother," she was my "mother" and my actual mother who died was????? I had no different name, because I'd merged the two. I worked in therapy for 4-5 years and got them unmerged.

But sounds like you have a "lump" like that called "father" whom you cover up with anxiety/crying/not remembering. My stepmother said and did some horrible things to me but I didn't see them as "abusive." I think if you untangle a few things they'll become clearer and the panic/crying/freezing will "melt." Neither my stepmother nor anyone else ever sexually abused me but I had a similar "no touch" rule, there can be lots of reasons for disliking/having trouble with touch.

Hi Charla,

Here is the Diagnostic Criteria
from the DSM-IV.

See if any of it fits for you.

http://omi.unm.edu/PTSD-DSM-IV.html

[(JD)]

(((safe hug)))) This sure sounds like you are being triggered by something that is reminding you of these bad times in your past. I wouldn't bother sitting or being around anyone who triggers you, there's just no reason to put yourself through that. Work through what you can in therapy, and block the rest until you can work through it, too. Don't push yourself.

tc

[charlajustin]

So is physical pain that sometimes can not be diagnosed by a doctor. A sympton of PTSD. I know that I get horrible, horrible pains that shoot up and down my back, and will effect the left side of my body like my hip, leg, heal and foot. But, it always goes aways. Sometimes I experience numbness in my left arm, hand or fingers. But, the doctor has always brushed it off as being in my mind.

I have also noticed that, starting a week to two before my period that I become almost impossible to live with. I stay on the verge of complete rage my outbursts become ALOT more frequent and it seems like even my panic attacks become more pronounced. Normally, I just have angry outbursts usually in the mornings or at night. I say mornings because, it almost seems like my brain is in a fog for the first hour I am awake and I literally can't function, think or verbalize my thoughts. It literally enrages me when my children or husband even speak to me in the mornings. My mother growing up always said, " your just not a morning person. " But, its always been this way for me in the mornings for as long as I can remember and just seems to have gotten worse as I have grown older.

any thoughts / advise is appreciated.

[(JD)]

Stress causes muscle tension and yes, pain. I get angry at ignorant doctors with the "all in your head" garbage! :angry:

Now, about your PMDD I would definitely get some meds to balance that...or at least try herbals such as EPO (evening primrose oil) Blue Cohosh, Black Cohosh etc... natural plant estrogens that don't have the side effects the synthetics have. I had a neighbor who had those PMS outbursts and she nearly killed her husband before being DX'd (unfortunately, he left her anyway even though meds controlled it. )

I have my own thoughts about morning ppl... from what I can guess, the ppl who have morning problems waking...have blood sugar imbalances. Just my POV... but if you can eat an apple in the morning and begin to function, then I'd say that was you too... but diabetes and hypoglycemia both can cause a misfunction in the mornings for some reason (the "fasting" part of the night.)

Those are my current thinkings

[charlajustin]

Thank you Sky. I have been tested lots for diabetes and always comes up normal. Usually when I wake up the last thing on my mind is food. lol I start basically with a big glass of ice water. For some reason the cold water kind of shocks my system and helps me start clear my mind. On the occassional good mornings I have. I am up and about, cooking breakfast and just happy Ms. Sunshine but, those kind of mornings are very, very few and far between.

I will definitely check into some of the herbal remedies you suggested for my pms. I am not afraid to admit I even scare myself during those times.

thank you again; all of you for responding to my posts.

[wanttoheal]

You might try adding a tablespoon or so of unfiltered, raw apple cider vinegar or the juice of a fresh lemon to your glass of water in the morning. It really has a lot of healing factors and you will notice a difference in your mornings as well. Not that you will become a morning person, but your brain should become more clear and your functioning should improve. (although warm or room temperature water is better for you as it is less of a shock to your organs) Good luck.

[(JD)]

I tested fine for diabetes and hypoglycemia, but due to my having all the symptoms of hypoglycemia, I began to follow the regimen for it, and voila! I am better...they DX'd me with "functional" hypoglycemia. Try it, maybe it will help you too.

[Perna]

The nerve/pains up and down thing could be lots of things including meds you took in the past! I have problems left over from antibiotics I took 3 years ago and one of them was the pains you mention (they've gotten better as time as gone on and as I'm "fixing" my eating).

But look at these PMS symptoms: http://www.ncpamd.com/PMS.htm