[MissDevlin]

I'm new here - I joined two months ago, but chickened out in posting anything....I just bookmarked the site, saying 'I'll check it out sometime' which is Devlinese for 'I'll never look at it again'. Tonight I got up the courage to try reading some of the posts. I had to post even though I couldn't read any more as I'm too overwhelmed.

I've recently been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and PTSD with physical symptoms. I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. I'm on three meds for deep nerve pain as well as a list of other symptoms and another one which is an anti-depressant.

My family and I have suffered nearly every conceivable trauma and the hits just keep on coming. I think I've forgotten how to feel. I cry only a couple of tears and only on a strictly scheduled time. I have heinous thoughts that come with excruciating pain and I can't rid the thoughts so the pain keeps coming until I pass out.

I'm terrified to read on here. I'm afraid of this being real.
My name is Devlin James. I'm a doped-up poet. Can anyone relate to who I think I am?

[FaithisAlive]

Hello, and Welcome to PC....it sounds to me like you are on the road to healing.... a long road perhaps, but here you are... no longer alone.

I'm glad you decided to post.... thats the first step... there's no turning back now...and that's "Faith-inese" for you need to share more... so you can see that you probably already are who you think you are...hiding behind the role of a doped up poet..

Peace, Faith

[ifwinterends]

heh...I know exactly what you're talking about. I have both clinical depression and PTSD with physical symptoms as well. I can only imagine bipolar on top.

my family has had an astonishing track record with tradgedy. I am only fourteen and have faced more than most people will in their entire life. I too am a "doped up poet" with sadistic thoughts. I formed an emotional addiction to hash at the age of eleven and never got off it.

My point being with this self-indulgent sob story is that you are not alone. And by posting this, you have shown me that I am not alone, either, so keep on posting.