wishing I was still in the dark, I wasnt triggered, I didnt feel so weak. At least when I was repressing things I didnt know how bad things were. I didnt have panic attacks, I had a long term job, I wasnt medicated. I'm so messed up and I'm just so tired.

[Parley]

are you doing therapy now?

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Newfie girl

wishing I was still in the dark, I wasnt triggered, I didnt feel so weak. At least when I was repressing things I didnt know how bad things were. I didnt have panic attacks, I had a long term job, I wasnt medicated. I'm so messed up and I'm just so tired.

Talk therapy and medication are not the best therapies for PTSD. Medication can be lifesaving, and it can provide tremendous relief of symptoms (im thinking of going back on), but its not a cure. Talk therapy can be destructive. If your life is getting worse, and you feel thos more than just today, talk to your treating practitioner or change practitioners.

I was on a norepinephrine blocker that made me feel weak. It was great to feel loving, peaceful and mellow, but I was unable to do anything productive and my organization fell to the pits. Then I woke up and realised I was not getting anything done. I was going to end up in a welfare hovel riding the bus to senior center mahjong which the county case workers thought was a fine life for someone like me. I woke up. Being helpless is a difficult feeling for someone with ptsd. Besides, We have our high dopamine low serotonin bodies for a reason, to save our lives. . It's not nice to force a different state on the body.

I keep saying, the cure is in body centered therapies. Kundalini yoga. Bercelis TRE. Levine's Somatic Experiencing. TRE can be learned from a book. It's that simple. Do it. I can guarantee you will sleep like a baby and wake refreshed. That's half the cure right there.

[Parley]

I don't take medications because they mess with my head. I've never needed them to make me feel better. there was nothing I could do so I shut up and moved on.

After my trigger~ I went for talk therapy but perhaps I don't have PTSD, I've never been diagnosed with anything. However, I no longer have the pleasure of denial and need to face what I sucked up and shut up about-just to survive. Hate kept me on my feet. My stability was a ***** you to many.

My trigger~ undid everything i did over many years. I learned my hatred matured in the darkness and I spit up the shame that it brought me years ago. I think talk therapy can do me justice ~ it's better than hitting the streets.

Meditation was considered through the years when I got bored with being awake all hours of the night. I am a self taught insomniac. That's what I say to distance myself from the fear of sleeping. I acted as if I'd have a choice. Be careful of meditation ~ especially if you believe you have repressed memories and you're running on a trigger.

Originally Posted by Teacake

Talk therapy and medication are not the best therapies for PTSD. Medication can be lifesaving, and it can provide tremendous relief of symptoms (im thinking of going back on), but its not a cure. Talk therapy can be destructive. If your life is getting worse, and you feel thos more than just today, talk to your treating practitioner or change practitioners.

I was on a norepinephrine blocker that made me feel weak. It was great to feel loving, peaceful and mellow, but I was unable to do anything productive and my organization fell to the pits. Then I woke up and realised I was not getting anything done. I was going to end up in a welfare hovel riding the bus to senior center mahjong which the county case workers thought was a fine life for someone like me. I woke up. Being helpless is a difficult feeling for someone with ptsd. Besides, We have our high dopamine low serotonin bodies for a reason, to save our lives. . It's not nice to force a different state on the body.

I keep saying, the cure is in body centered therapies. Kundalini yoga. Bercelis TRE. Levine's Somatic Experiencing. TRE can be learned from a book. It's that simple. Do it. I can guarantee you will sleep like a baby and wake refreshed. That's half the cure right there.

"I no longer have the pleasure of denial and need to face what I sucked up and shut up about-just to survive."
Thats it! Denial...... I can never go back huh?? Just tuck it all away pretend it never happened and let it go? I managed for many MANY YEARS with out falling apart.

Thats it! I have to go through this, while the people who put me in this position did their thing and died. Now my life has been altered forever an

Originally Posted by Parley

I don't take medications because they mess with my head. I've never needed them to make me feel better. there was nothing I could do so I shut up and moved on.

After my trigger~ I went for talk therapy but perhaps I don't have PTSD, I've never been diagnosed with anything. However, I no longer have the pleasure of denial and need to face what I sucked up and shut up about-just to survive. Hate kept me on my feet. My stability was a ***** you to many.

My trigger~ undid everything i did over many years. I learned my hatred matured in the darkness and I spit up the shame that it brought me years ago. I think talk therapy can do me justice ~ it's better than hitting the streets.

Meditation was considered through the years when I got bored with being awake all hours of the night. I am a self taught insomniac. That's what I say to distance myself from the fear of sleeping. I acted as if I'd have a choice. Be careful of meditation ~ especially if you believe you have repressed memories and you're running on a trigger.

Ya I've been seeing someone.

Originally Posted by Newfie girl

"I no longer have the pleasure of denial and need to face what I sucked up and shut up about-just to survive."
Thats it! Denial...... I can never go back huh?? Just tuck it all away pretend it never happened and let it go? I managed for many MANY YEARS with out falling apart.

Thats it! I have to go through this, while the people who put me in this position did their thing and died. Now my life has been altered forever an

Teacake?? Why would talk therapy not be the best therapy for PTSD?

Sorry all of my replies are messed up. I was tired and trying to use the quote part messed me up.

[Parley]

Originally Posted by Newfie girl

"I no longer have the pleasure of denial and need to face what I sucked up and shut up about-just to survive."
Thats it! Denial...... I can never go back huh?? Just tuck it all away pretend it never happened and let it go? I managed for many MANY YEARS with out falling apart.

Thats it! I have to go through this, while the people who put me in this position did their thing and died. Now my life has been altered forever an

I don't know if you can go back but I don't have the same motivations as I did back then. it served it's purpose but I'd like to take a look without the denial.

I hear what your saying.... I just wish it hadent involved me having to leave my job of 17 yrs and altering my whole life. Im sure my path changed from the early trama I experienced and then all these yrs later im triggered and it surfaces and everything changes again. I know I cant change what happened but it BS. Grrrrrrrrr

[Parley]

I agree. It's BS.

It's a shame you had to leave your job because of it. That can't be helping the stress level.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Newfie girl

I hear what your saying.... I just wish it hadent involved me having to leave my job of 17 yrs and altering my whole life. Im sure my path changed from the early trama I experienced and then all these yrs later im triggered and it surfaces and everything changes again. I know I cant change what happened but it BS. Grrrrrrrrr

I had to leave my job too and I know how much it sucks. I had a good job, good money and I simply walked away from it because I couldn't cope anymore. That was 6 years ago. Everything surfaced slowly for me over the 6 years. I had everything stuffed down pretty good. Then last fall the can of worms was opened. It has been pure hell, but I'm glad I'm finally dealing with it.

[JaneC]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

I had to leave my job too and I know how much it sucks. I had a good job, good money and I simply walked away from it because I couldn't cope anymore. That was 6 years ago. Everything surfaced slowly for me over the 6 years. I had everything stuffed down pretty good. Then last fall the can of worms was opened. It has been pure hell, but I'm glad I'm finally dealing with it.

Gawd I relate to both of you. I had a great job and lost it because I was not coping after all of my historical trauma resurfaced after years of denial.....because of one 'trigger' too many.

That was 4 or so years ago and only just began therapy 15 months ago.....its a long and tough process. Yup BS sums it up some days. Tonight, after midnight here and can not find sleep after a major freak out today....... sigh.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel right?

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by JaneC

But there is light at the end of the tunnel right?

I believe I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes I'm a little afraid to get well because I don't know how to be well. It's all new to me.

[JaneC]

I just want to see the light....even a faint one would be good tonight lol. Glad you are....and knowing how to feel well?
That is an awesome goal to work on with your T too?

[Parley]

not looking to freak anyone out but I think the light at the other end of the tunnel is just oncoming train inside my tunnel.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Parley

not looking to freak anyone out but I think the light at the other end of the tunnel is just oncoming train inside my tunnel.

LOL. I'm wondering that too Parley.

It was because of my stress level I had to leave. I couldnt manage being triggered or my emotions anymore. I was great at my job too and knowing I cant go back to it, well........

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you are feeling down, I have those periods myself too. Try not to think about the light at the end of the tunnel or thinking you are stuck too. Try to just take it one day at a time and yes, some days are better than others.

A lot of the healing is learning to understand the past better, understand yourself better, grieve whatever was lost to you and slowly learn to rebuild your life with a different understanding of life.

So much emphasis is placed with a picture of what life should be like, we are given these images from the time we are very young, well, life isn't really like that, it has a lot of challenges and life is coming across people who can be selfish, not understanding, disrespectful, and opinionated too. We are just human beings, we are not rocks, we are not invincible and we will make mistakes along the way. We continue to learn as long as we live, there never is that summit where we can say we made it to the top really, instead we climb the mountain and keep learning and it is important to take time outs to
stop and sit and look down and think and then rest and perhaps climb a little slower.

[Quarter life]

Hi Newfie girl.

I have been living with severe PTSD & debilitating Depression for 25 years. My illness stemmed from ‘Torture trauma’ (details withheld at this stage). I have been in and out of therapy, on umpteen different medications, ostracised by family, friends and colleagues, and shunned by society in the search for an answer, just an inkling of how to get myself ‘well’. Almost 2 years ago I said ….ENOUGH!….I mean, really, what’s the point of living a ‘quarter life’. A life with constraints put in place by all those that said throughout those 25 years ‘To hell with you, you’re not one of us’. All those lost years of being afraid to live my life because I was told over and over that I didn’t fit in, that I was damaged and therefore not quite good enough.

It really can be a matter of 'Faking it till you make it' Truly! I'm in the process of re-inventing myself.....this in no way comes easy. It helps to have a plan, and know what you want. It has taken me 25 years to finally get up and try doing it. I fail everyday....sometimes I don’t get even close to motivated, but you have to keep an eye out for those fleeting moments of inspiration, grab them with both hands. I'm a work in progress, sometimes its hard to know where to start......and I know it may sound a little flaky, but I started with the image of me I wanted for myself (no one else) and just started chipping away. I know I will get there......it just takes time. I have been a draftsman for a lot of my adult life (albeit off and on). Whenever I would make a big error on hand drawn schematics it was always easier to start again rather than make amendments to a messy drawing……So I have now done the same thing with the old damaged, broken, messy me….Thrown her in the trash, and started again.

I changed my name, moved to a different State and chose to be different, chose to be the me I want to be. Not better, not worse, just different. It’s not easy, but nothing worthwhile is. It’s not the solution for everyone, and I totally get that. But I handed myself over to so called professionals and well meaning family members for a quarter of a century, and it didn’t do a damn bit of good. So this has to be better than the hell I was living. I don’t necessarily choose happy as that’s a concept I’m yet to become familiar with……..I choose life.

Be kind to yourself Newfie girl. Q.L

I don't think you sound flaky at all. Isnt that what were all supposed to do with long term Ptsd?