[MASIMO]

My husband verbally abused me, telling me how horrible I look, fat, ugly, etc.
over and over. I have been devastated, cant look in them mirror, dont want to eat.
Cant look at him, keep breaking down.

This feeds into my PTSD bigtime. I feel like I have been physical beaten up, stomped on,
and have this dark presence looming over me. I will never forget what he said, but I want to get this monkey off my back and I dont want to carry this around until it becomes another trauma. I have talked with my therapist about it. Dont know what to do to help myself out of this.

[MotownJohnny]

That was a nasty, horrible thing for him to do. I think you should just ask him why he did it? What is his issue with you that he would launch into such a deeply personal attack? If I were in your shoes, I would want to know what the real situation is. And often, complaints about appearance are a coward's cop-out, because they don't have the balls to bring up the real issue, whatever that may be. And, until that is discovered and resolved, nothing between the two of you will feel "right".

I don't know you, him, or the situation, but I have to say, he isn't much of a man if he attacks his wife like that, especially when she is already in a vulnerable place psychologically.

If you don't feel strong enough to discuss what happened alone with him, I would see if he would be willing to attend a session with your therapist, or perhaps another "neutral" couples therapist. It sounds like he has a lot of issues of his own, that didn't come out of thin air.

[MASIMO]

He is an abusive alcoholic, and I get in the way of his drinking.
His mistress, the bottle is more important than me. His anger and resentment
take over when he drinks, and he lashes out at me. I'm trying to leave him,
but we have been together for 35 years, and my whole life, business, farm
is all enmeshed. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. In a way, it's a gift.
But it's so hard to keep hearing his voice saying these things over and over.
I know I'm not perfect, not 30 years old anymore, but I do have attributes.
He tore down my body part by part. It was awful. Yes he is a coward and not much of a man. He would never go to therapy with me again, tried that. Nothing will ever feel right again, I dont need them to, I just want to leave him.

[Alone & confused]

I hate that you're being treated that way! But just remember, just because he said those things , DOESN'T mean you have to OWN them! Consider the sour ce. You say he's an abusive alcoholic? Who is HE to judge YOU? He needs to look in the mirror worry about his own sad situation and stop trying to tear you down to make himself feel better about what He is! I hope you find the strength to do what's best for You!

[Teacake]

Yes. Verbal abuse IS physical. Your body flinches just like someone is physically poised to attack you. You release the same hormones. Your digestion is temporarily stopped. Verbal abuse, any oppression really, lowers serotonin.

I let myself get run down by a mental health center, some of whose staff members do verbal abuseregularly, probably unaware. I became dimly aware of it. I told my therapist wonderingly, "they are verbally abusive and dont know It. They do the things Patricia Evans names. Its like embedded in their culture". Had I been just a little bit MORE aware i would have gone on Prozac sooner, to he more resilient against verbal abuse while sidestepping the more eggregious fukbrains.

Be aware now, please, for your own good. Get fortified with whatever makes you feel strong and powerful. Know that unlike a physical fight where you can block or evade hits, in a verbal skirmish every word uttered in that tone is a blow and every blow lands. Don't stand and box. You will wear down. Take this on as a real fight. You are more sensitive because you are a woman and we are relational people. He is less Sensitive because hes drunk and possibly a butthead. Forget being Fair. Win. No warnings. No threats. They make abusive mouths meaner. Get your plan and implement It.

Read Patricia Evans book on verbal abuse. Don't let him see It or try to explain It to him.

Take verbal abuse seriously.

When you replay his words in your head think of the most respectable decent dignified people you know from life, literature or movies, telling him with a perfectly serious face and not a shred of humor to shut up because he is a disgrace. Don't you tell him that. Shame makes them worse. Imagine It for yourself. Imagíne someone defending you, without polite words or humor or escalation.

[Perna]

Yes, do not respect/give credence to this man's words, he is not a "husband"/partner/mate, you are just legally shackled next to him at this point.

When I was working on my eating habits at work one time, I decided to give the vending machine in the break room a name and personality like a troll. "Harold" became dirty, slimy, stinking, "nasty" ugly, etc. and I got pleasure/fun from the exercise because I came to believe my fantasy such that I became a little bit afraid of the machine when I was in the break room alone!

I would remind yourself of your husband's ugliness in that way rather than of what he said about you. What you focus on (the ugliness of the vending machine rather than the candy bars that were part of it) can make a difference in how you feel and how you act. Your husband sounds like an insensitive drunken slob. I would think of him as such and be disgusted with him rather than pay attention to what he has to say/what comes out of his disgusting mouth?

[Parley]

35 years is a long time~
.
I don't believe a person has to have PTSD to feel stomped on by someone like your husband. I hope you continue to talk to your therapist and find a way out soon.