Horrible memories......still feeling dreadful

So, today I've had a terrible recollection, I wrote about it here as it was getting really uncomfortable.... please be aware of trigger warning on this post.......
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-i-need-t.html

What the heck? Do you all have experience of this? WHat do you do? How long does it take for this sort of thing to settle...I'm still all wound up and tearful and hurting.

My head is a bit of a mess right now, so sorry if none of this makes sense

I just need support, please. Feeling awful, sick, hurting, tearful and just

I was watching something tonight to try to distract, and it was speaking about the health & psychological benefits of having your hand held by someone who loves you.

I love holding my sons hand.

I haven't had my hand held in such a long time by someone who loves me and cares about me and wants to take care of me.

I'm stuck in lots of old memories tonight. I don't have any of my mother or real father or step father holding my hand in a caring way. That's so sad.

One thing I do know though...my boy knows he is loved and cared for and always will.

I wish someone could hold my hand

I'll hold your hand jane

This made me cry. Thanks, I'm just not used to kindness. Sigh

I noticed one pattern in people who suffered emotional or physical abuse or neglect as children. They go one way or another as adult parents of their own children. Some repeat the cycle. But some have processed their childhood experiences in a way that makes them realize there is a better way. So, they make excellent parents, because they refuse to treat their kids the way they were treated.

I've had three children in my life, only one is still alive. Disclaimer - they weren't/aren't human, they were/are dogs. I pride myself on being a great doggy daddy. I've had 3 or 4 vets over the years, and they all have told me, at one point or another, that I'm the best dad. Because I don't hesitate to take care of whatever medical issues arise. Actually, all of my dogs have been spoiled. My current dog has his own pillow and blanket, and I will cover him up except his head, which he himself puts on the pillow, and he loves it. What's not to like - especially since that is on the sofa about 90% of the time.

We are here for you, Jane.


Bluegrey

Hi Jane, I responded to you in that thread so I hope you will see it. I did not realize I was doing that at the time, however, as long as you can see it, that's all that is important.

It's really good that you are finally verbalizing these challenges that take place. It is definitely time for you to finally get a chance to work through these difficult experiences. It is difficult to turn around and face the wolf, however as you stand firm in your desire to do so you will finally gain the upper hand you always deserved to have. You will begin to understand that as you continue to work at it. You definitely deserve this too.

Jane, also because you are raising a child and you are the kind of person that wants to do that right, as we do this we begin to realize what we did not get somehow. You holding your son's hand because you really love him is going to provoke your own memories of how that was absent for "you". It's very important that you understand that this "lack" in your childhood never meant you were unworthy of it either, a lot of this lack is a result of the generation your mother grew up in and developed her own understanding of "how to do life". Parents in the 60's and 70's were often very "selfish", there was not very much really known about child development in that generation. That was the Hugh Heffner exhibitionist generation and not much genuine discussion taking place of the "value of children". No, it was more about "self love" which definitely became a distraction "away" from the children of that time.

Unfortunately, this also led to what challenged you in your generation of "selfish" intimacy.

((Hugs))
OE

I don't know how to upload photos on this site...... but here goes.......

This is what I tried to do for myself today

(Credit to artist Michael Leunig)

Jane, that's very nice. Thanks for sharing.

Jane, something you posted earlier was about just needing a bit of kindness. I know just what you mean, I feel that too. Hugging a soft toy (stuffed animal) or having someone hold your hand or rub your back - these make us feel safe, and are gentle things.

Gentle, kind hugs coming your way.


Bluegrey