Is this a flashback?

Ok I have researched flashbacks but mine seems to be at least 2000 times worse. When I am having this experience what happens is that I feel great amounts of shame and guilt. I feel like people are looking at me and I don't want that. I just want to go home and hide. If people look at me my eyes give me away I either look away or do something that makes people sense there is something wrong and things get really awkward and sometimes tense.

Nothing works on these experiences, no grounding technique, panic reducing exercises, breathing exercises. Once I am inside the flashback(or whatever it is) I am in and NOTHING can make it any better until I get home. When I get home I get under the blankets and I feel like God is aware of my thoughts and what I am going through and I feel terrified and ashamed. Sometimes I feel my parents, my psychiatrist are also aware of my thoughts and feel they can sense what I am going through and know it and I feel ashamed and guilty and all sorts of bad. I feel they can see me. I get under the blanket and eventually it gets better. Sometimes my breathing becomes very heavy and I feel like I am going to die but that doesn't happen all the time just once in a while. Btw the reason I feel my parents and the psychiatrist are aware of my thoughts is because I told them a few things a few times very deeply personal and sensitive which they didn't receive well and these flashbacks happened after those incidents.

These happen mostly in public but can rarely happen at home as well. I have them 4-5 times a month but I remember days when I have several a day. These have completely disabled me and I can't work, go to school or do anything. Every second I am outside I am aware and thinking is it going to come now, now or now and I am consumed by it.

So are these flashbacks and is this ptsd?

Flashbacks are when an image of a traumatic event literally keeps flashing in your mind's eye and you feel the like the trauma is happening all over again. This "reliving" of the trauma can be extremely painful emotionally and even physically and is very similar to what you're experiencing. Shame and guilt are a big part of reliving trauma.

I can't tell you if you have ptsd, but it sounds to me like extreme anxiety. Anxiety can make you feel paranoid and being paranoid can make you anxious. I find the techniques don't work for me either sometimes, and crawling into bed is the most soothing thing I can do for myself. Warm showers and baths help too.

Talk to your pdoc about all this. It's important for your Tx that he/she knows you're going through this.

Oh Rep97, I am sorry you are having these challenges. A flashback can come with a visual "or" re-experiencing an emotional flashback too. I have experienced what you are discribing and I know how disabling it feels. I found that if it was a flashback I had to wait until it was over and then I "slowly" worked on figuring out what it meant. Yes, there is a strong feeling of shame and guilt, but those feelings will ease up with time and your working through the PTSD "slowly" with support.

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

If you do have PTSD, what you need to learn is that when you have these experiences, do not "feed into them", it takes time to learn how not to do that, but, if you are experiencing a PTSD flashback, you will learn that what helps is to keep reminding yourself that whatever comes forward is "not now" and as you figure out what it means and say, "yes I remember but that is not "now", it will help to reduce the power of the flashback.

I used to head for my bed too, and the reason that helped was that when I felt "safe" I gradually realized in my brain, "no danger and no reason to keep producing cortisol" and then the brain stops and whatever is there readying us for fight or flight dicipates. And you will feel better. That is why you don't want to feed into it, you have to learn you are not really "in" danger, you are just feeling like you are, so you will not need to keep producing the cortisol.

You really need to talk about this with your psychiatrist, he is not "judging" you or knowing your thoughts either, but he does need to know you are experiencing this so he can prescribe some medication to help you with this until you can get to a point where you are better at controlling it yourself.

Hun, there is nothing to be ashamed of, or guilty of either, you can work through this.

((Gentle Caring Comforting Hugs))
OE

Yes, I get no visuals. Just great amounts of shame and paranoia. And then I've to get to home somehow asap and get under the blankets :\ .

Btw I've had them for 3 yrs and they are not getting any better.

Ok, sorry, it is very important you tell the psychiatrist about this. You may need a medication you can take to help you with this. I can't tell you that you have PTSD, PTSD is an anxiety disorder that happens from "trauma". However, there are other anxiety disorders too, like agoraphobia, social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder etc.

Rep97 a flashback is when you are literally reliving something that has happened to you. flashbacks can be about good things or traumatic things, flashbacks happen when something in the present reminds a person of something from the past......here is an example of a flashback. Im going to use a positive event so as to hopefully avoid triggering anyone....

one day I was sitting in the park looking out across a lake. I heard a dog bark. when I turned to see the dog I suddenly felt strange and instead of being by the lake mentally I was now experiencing the memory of walking down a busy street. I could hear the traffic, see the street sign, see the vehicles, I could smell the stale smell of french fries from the mcdonalds I was standing in front of in the memory, and in the memory I was reliving a dog in a car was barking. Hearing the dog bark at the lake triggered my brain to remember being a child standing along a busy street where I had experienced my first mcdonalds and a dog barking in the car nearby. it was just like it was happening for the first time.

we cant diagnose what is going on with you, because thats now what we do here but I can tell you that when what you posted above happens to me my treatment providers call it an anxiety attack, a panic attack. sometimes my panic/anxiety comes with other feelings like paranoia, guilt, shame and other feelings too.

to find out what these problems you posted about are with in you, you will need to contact your treatment providers. they will be able to diagnose and treat these symptoms you are having.

This sounds a lot like a panic attack in some regards. I am not saying that it is a panic attack nor that it is not a flashback. You may want to look into coping strategies for both. And please talk to someone. If you are not comfortable going to parents or your T, then maybe you can get a new therapist. Good luck