[Healing the Damage]

Hi,
So, I had my first appointment today with a new GP. He wound up asking about meds that I'm on, which led to what am I seeing a psychiatrist for, which led to me telling him about my diagnoses (Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality, PTSD, GAD). And he asked about why I have PTSD, and what happened. I told him that I would rather not talk about it, and he seemed to get kind of angry. He told me that I need to be honest with him about things. Then, he saw the scars from my self harm, and he asked about that, and I told him again, I would rather not talk about it.

He wound up telling me that I need to be honest with him and trust him, or we can't work together, and he can't be my doctor. This was my first time ever meeting him.

I kind of feel like I did something wrong by not feeling comfortable talking about why I have PTSD, but I haven't even started working on that in therapy, and I've been seeing my therapist since July 2013. Is it wrong for me to not want to talk about it with a GP that I just met? I tried to explain to him that it took me a year to trust my therapist with non-serious things, and he said that he can't work with someone who doesn't trust him...

I'm kind of just confused now about if I was wrong to act and react that way, or if it was me that was the problem or him... or what?

I've had problems with trust though since as far back as I can remember, and my psychiatrist says that it's partially due to the events of my past, which is part of why he diagnosed me with PTSD (among other things).

Sorry for how long this is. I'm just really not sure right now...

Edit: I am also not sure if I posted this in the right place. It might be better suited in the Survivor's of Abuse forum, or anxiety, or somewhere else. Sorry if it's in the wrong place.

[SkyWhite]

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I know exactly what you're talking about. The only person I share those things with is my T and to a lesser extent my psychiatrist who I'm starting to trust a little more now. It took me months to gain trust in my T. GPs are not trained in mental health and probably know even less about PTSD. His threatening you is going to do more harm than good. He sounds extremely insensitive and shouldn't be expecting you to spill your guts on the first visit.

Trust issues are a big thing with us but few people realize this, even medical people. You don't have to tell anyone anything if it makes you uncomfortable, that is your right as a patient and a human being.

If the GP wants info about you ask him to talk to your T or ask your T to call him to straighten things out and explain to him some things about PTSD.

[Healing the Damage]

Thanks, Sky.

I haven't even talked to my therapist about it yet though. She knows because she asked me to write it out for her in a letter, but we haven't talked about it, because I can't deal with it right now. My psychiatrist doesn't know because even though he and my therapist have one file for me that they both add their notes to, I've told them both that they are not allowed to read what the other puts in there.

I don't know if I want my therapist or psychiatrist to talk to him... I mean, I don't know. It takes me quite a long time to trust people, and I feel like I trusted him too much to begin with by just telling him about what my diagnoses are.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Living in Chaos

I don't know if I want my therapist or psychiatrist to talk to him... I mean, I don't know. It takes me quite a long time to trust people, and I feel like I trusted him too much to begin with by just telling him about what my diagnoses are.

Your doctor at least has to know your diagnoses, but he shouldn't badger or threaten you to open up. He's going to have to be patient. Maybe you could just ask your T to talk to him.

My trust issues are like yours. I have very very hard time opening up to caregivers because I've been disappointed and abused by them in the past.

Currently I'm getting kicked to the curb by the community health program where I've been seeing my T. There's a rule as to how many visits a person can have with a T. So, after going through hell and back with him, they're telling me it's over. They think I can just jump into another service. I won't go to another service because I don't want to go through that same hell with someone new and with someone I don't know or trust. Not going to happen.

[Healing the Damage]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

Your doctor at least has to know your diagnoses, but he shouldn't badger or threaten you to open up. He's going to have to be patient. Maybe you could just ask your T to talk to him.

My trust issues are like yours. I have very very hard time opening up to caregivers because I've been disappointed and abused by them in the past.

Currently I'm getting kicked to the curb by the community health program where I've been seeing my T. There's a rule as to how many visits a person can have with a T. So, after going through hell and back with him, they're telling me it's over. They think I can just jump into another service. I won't go to another service because I don't want to go through that same hell with someone new and with someone I don't know or trust. Not going to happen.

We'll see. I don't see my therapist again until Thursday, so I have time to think about it. But yeah, when everyone who you should have been able to trust hurts you, how can you trust others?

I'm so sorry about what's happening with your therapist. I hope that you can figure that out soon.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Living in Chaos, really sorry you had to go through that. Maybe it was natural for him to ask for a bit of background because he may have thought some things might have linked in with other things you could be seeing him about at some time. But in the case of you telling him you didn't want to talk about it that should have been respected.
And as you're seeing a psychiatrist then they're the one's going to be overseeing your meds any issues with them, your general well-being, passing on any "need to know" information to him............so any further details, should be down to you to pass on or not pass on.
Now maybe he had the very best intentions when he was talking to you/really wanted to help you but just didn't understand what he was asking of you, and the effects of what he was saying. Sounds like he doesn't really "get it". So what do you think, time to get/go to another G.P??

Alison

[cassiefeild852]

I Deffinatly know what your feeling my GP was like that as well, and he also threatened to no longer see me as a patient if I didn't spill my heart out to him, it's difficult too because he was my whole families doc and a lot of my issues had to do with them, so naturally I was uncomfortable telling him anything, anyway I found myself a new GP after being threatened so many times .. maybe you can talk to yours and explain how your feeling if he really dosent get it than its best to find someone else who has more understanding of your conditions, yoh shouldnt have to feel uncomfortable or harassed in your own doctors office.
Just my opinion, hope you find a solution, good luck

[BLUEDOVE]

Would you trust a perfect stranger? Of course not!
Neither would I!

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

You did nothing wrong. He may have an M.D., but goodness... what a stupid man he is.

[Healing the Damage]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Living in Chaos, really sorry you had to go through that. Maybe it was natural for him to ask for a bit of background because he may have thought some things might have linked in with other things you could be seeing him about at some time. But in the case of you telling him you didn't want to talk about it that should have been respected.
And as you're seeing a psychiatrist then they're the one's going to be overseeing your meds any issues with them, your general well-being, passing on any "need to know" information to him............so any further details, should be down to you to pass on or not pass on.
Now maybe he had the very best intentions when he was talking to you/really wanted to help you but just didn't understand what he was asking of you, and the effects of what he was saying. Sounds like he doesn't really "get it". So what do you think, time to get/go to another G.P??

Alison

Originally Posted by cassiefeild852

I Deffinatly know what your feeling my GP was like that as well, and he also threatened to no longer see me as a patient if I didn't spill my heart out to him, it's difficult too because he was my whole families doc and a lot of my issues had to do with them, so naturally I was uncomfortable telling him anything, anyway I found myself a new GP after being threatened so many times .. maybe you can talk to yours and explain how your feeling if he really dosent get it than its best to find someone else who has more understanding of your conditions, yoh shouldnt have to feel uncomfortable or harassed in your own doctors office.
Just my opinion, hope you find a solution, good luck

Thank you both. I don't think that there's any way that my mentals would be affecting what I was there for, which was for a physical to get a paper signed for work. But yeah. I did tell him that I have a psychiatrist, and he kept pushing for information anyways. I don't know about getting a different GP, because my entire family sees him, and I'm on my parents insurance still.

I don't think I can tell him about the stuff that is going on, because of the trust thing, and also because well, how exactly do I tell him that I have PTSD from being abused by my parents my entire life (among other things). He's a mandated reporter... if I were to tell him about things, wouldn't he have to report it?

[geis]

Wow, that's really not cool. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I've had that happen before--the worst was an intern in the ER who demanded graphic details of my trauma history while I was extremely sick with a life-threatening illness that had nothing to do with my trauma.

Personally, I wouldn't work with a doctor who couldn't be sensitive to my trauma issues, although I know it can be hard to find GP's sometimes, so it's not always an option. I've finally put together a team of docs who don't ask about my psych issues unless it's truly medically relevant, which in most cases it isn't. Even my OB/Gyn hasn't asked for details beyond the bare-bones stuff that's medically necessary to know.

I hope you're able to get respectful treatment, whether it's from this doctor or someone else.

[Healing the Damage]

Thanks geis. I'm not sure how to bring up to him my concerns though. I asked to not talk about it, and he tried to push anyways. So I don't know.

He called me this evening with the results from my blood work, and said that everything was fine except for my platelets, and iron, and I'm anemic. So he said that he's going to have some others tests done on the blood that was drawn today, and then he might refer me to a hematologist. I don't like doctors. I am likely to have panic attacks there. I can't trust them. And he wants me to see yet another one.

I don't think he understands what anxiety and PTSD are like... but I don't know what to do or say to make him understand...

[Frankbtl]

Hi Living In Chaos, not sure about the mandated reporter bit in your country sorry, but the fact remains that if you aren't ready to/don't want to tell him about what happened you don't have to. I hope you'll be able to tell someone IRL when you can/when you're ready, but you don't have to tell him.
And there will be G.P's who recognize that anything attached to your diagnoses can be between you and your psychiatrist (afterall anything health wise/need to know in any treatment should be passed on to them anyway).
Now I'm not up on your health services sorry, but is there another G.P. at the practice who you could book any further appointments with?? If so.............easy to come up with some "trivial" excuse as to why you want to try someone else, he is new anyway so shouldn't lead to suspicion??
Otherwise, I'm wondering if maybe your psychiatrist would be able to forward a letter to your G.P. saying that the details behind your diagnosis haven't been seen as "medically relevant" (in a polite way, of course!!!).
Otherwise if we're talking usually irregular physicals with him???? Do you think it could make a difference if you were just more assertive with him next time and told him that it was "private information" you weren't prepared to disclose, maybe your psychiatrist could advise you on what to say?? I know it must have been so hard for you this time and I'm really sorry about that but just an idea..............

Alison

What a totally insensitive GP. You have done nothing wrong, so don't give yourself a hard time - change GP's, YES. Good luck & do what feels right for you. XXX

[cassiefeild852]

I'm not sure exactly what the law requires but, I had the same situation with my dad and now that I think back I wish I had told someone that could help me .. I might be a different, more functional person today if I had, maybe saved myself a lot of heart ache too .. something to think about.

I obviously never did though even though I wanted to but I know how scary that situation is and I know that would be a lot of unknowns in your future so I Deffinatly get why you wouldn't, but take it from me I have some serious regrets that I could have stopped it sooner. Again good luck

Can you find another doctor? This is not okay. Not one bit. Even my pdoc did not press for information about trauma. She asked, but when I said I would not talk about it, she respected that. And my primary care doctor only needs to know about the bipolar. She is aware that there's more going on, based on something I said about a certain procedure, but she did not ask. This guy does not sound as though he's able to back off. And you don't need more stress. I am really sorry this has happened to you.

[Healing the Damage]

Thanks everyone, for your replies. I really appreciate it!

Alison -
My therapist knows what happened, even though we're not talking about or working on it. My psychiatrist knows generally what happened, but he doesn't even know specifics. I can't switch to a new GP unless my parents are ok with it, and I don't want to explain why I have to switch, because they all like this guy. I might have to see him regularly because of the issues I've been having lately, and he is referring me to a hematologist, so that means another new doctor.

JoBo - thank you

cassie - I think it's a bit late for me to get help to drastically change things. I'm 22, and am already really screwed up. But as I've been told before (by my family, mostly), it would destroy my family if I ever spoke about what happened... Thank you

lickety - I cannot find another doctor. I'm not sure why he was pushing for information, but yeah, it wasn't helpful. It wound up setting off a huge thing that lasted all day and caused things to get very very bad on Friday.

Thanks for your replies, everyone.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Living In Chaos, just grasping at straws here sorry but..........:
"unless my parents are ok with it, and I don't want to explain why I have to switch, because they all like this guy"
and
"as I've been told before (by my family, mostly), it would destroy my family if I ever spoke about what happened"
If your parents know and they don't want to you to say anything could you "just" tell them that he's insisting you talk about............in order to treat you and that's why you want to switch????
Unless your parents don't know...........???
And that seriously doesn't mean I'm going along with your family on this, I just feel that you shouldn't be pressured into telling someone you don't want to tell when they have no right or need to know.
And you know I'd say that your family have no right to tell you not to speak about what happened. No right at all!!
Why should you be left to deal with the effects of something that was done to you, something that should never have been done to you!! The very least you deserve is some real help and support with it. And I would have hoped that your family would have gone all out to support you/been behind you all the way, with any support that might help with this. Still in an ideal world, hey................!!!
But please don't feel pressured into not getting the help/support you need. You do deserve that.
I can completely understand if it might be really hard for you to open up about what happened anyway...........but what happened was real,and you don't owe your family to go through it without the support you deserve/should have.
And lastly (bear with me!!)........."already really screwed up" doesn't have to stay "really screwed up". I honestly know that abuse can leave it's marks/scars, and it isn't ever going to "go away" but things can improve with help.........might take time (might take a lot of time......a lot of help.........) but it is possible to find a much better way ahead. "Screwed up" doesn't have to be permanent.

Alison

[Gus1234U]

trust is a 2-way street... if he doesn't trust your judgement enough to know that you are taking care of yourself the best way you know how, then he isn't a doc who will take care of you~! actually, he sounds like a control-freak, and i wouldn't trust him.

[mimsies]

Originally Posted by Living in Chaos

Thanks everyone, for your replies. I really appreciate it!

Alison -
My therapist knows what happened, even though we're not talking about or working on it. My psychiatrist knows generally what happened, but he doesn't even know specifics. I can't switch to a new GP unless my parents are ok with it, and I don't want to explain why I have to switch, because they all like this guy. I might have to see him regularly because of the issues I've been having lately, and he is referring me to a hematologist, so that means another new doctor.

JoBo - thank you

cassie - I think it's a bit late for me to get help to drastically change things. I'm 22, and am already really screwed up. But as I've been told before (by my family, mostly), it would destroy my family if I ever spoke about what happened... Thank you

lickety - I cannot find another doctor. I'm not sure why he was pushing for information, but yeah, it wasn't helpful. It wound up setting off a huge thing that lasted all day and caused things to get very very bad on Friday.

Thanks for your replies, everyone.

It seems very strange that you would be required to have your parents' permission to change therapists. You are 22, and insurance companies generally leave it up to the patient, not the policy holder. Maybe you should call the info number on your insurance card and ask about what is necessary to change PCP's

IN any case, the physician is just in the wrong, and I am sorry you've had to deal with this. Take care.

[Healing the Damage]

Alison -
Thanks for your reply. My parents know but do not acknowledge it. They think I am lying about it, so it would not be helpful at all to tell them what happened. I am not allowed to talk about things because it would mess with the family's "image" to the community, as well as likely destroy the family. It's complicated... And I have support from my therapist and psychiatrist.

Gus - Thanks. I know that trust is a two way street. I'm very wary of trusting people in general, especially doctors. Too many bad experiences.

mimsies - I do not need my parents permission for insurance reasons. I need it because if I don't get it, they will drop me from their insurance. The insurance company could care less, as long as I stay in network. My parents, however, are another story entirely. So yeah. Thanks for the suggestion, but not the problem that I have. I think I will have to just deal with it the few times that I will have to see him. I don't generally go to see a GP that often. I only see all of my specialized doctors on a regular basis.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Living In Chaos, thanks for the message, Really sorry I couldn't be more helpful........and your parents thinking you're lying about what happened after you'd managed to talk............!!!!
Totally respect that it's complicated............but good that you're at least getting support from your therapist and psychiatrist.
And I for one, as I'm sure plenty of other people on here too, aren't going to be thinking that you're lying whatever you're able to say, anytime about what happened if that helps even just a very a tiny bit.

Alison

[Healing the Damage]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Living In Chaos, thanks for the message, Really sorry I couldn't be more helpful........and your parents thinking you're lying about what happened after you'd managed to talk............!!!!
Totally respect that it's complicated............but good that you're at least getting support from your therapist and psychiatrist.
And I for one, as I'm sure plenty of other people on here too, aren't going to be thinking that you're lying whatever you're able to say, anytime about what happened if that helps even just a very a tiny bit.

Alison

It's ok. You were very helpful!
I am sure people on here would be supportive, I just have to convince myself that it is safe, etc. I may talk about stuff on here (specifically) eventually.