[Hellion]

I don't know for certain it wasn't like this 'before' the PTSD...but its like I get exhausted on levels I didn't even know where possible, even sometimes when only being exposed to minimal stress or when even trying to take care not to get too overwhelmed by taking on too much things at once or whatever. Of course with excessive stress or actual bad/unpleasant things happening I get exausted even easier.

But its just such a deep level like physically/mentally drained, but with the mind not relaxed, not able to really physically relax or sleep restfully...just feels like being bombarded to the point of no return...and of course I get irritable about if stress slowly builds up to this point and I litterally don't have energy but have to try and muster some up to maybe clean stuff I forgot to put away in the kitchen or do something to help around the house....or just because I don't want to admit how exausted I am due to being kind of ashamed of it or don't want to risk being accused of compaining/making excuses just to be lazy or something.

Does anyone else feel having PTSD causes a somewhat deeper level of exhaustion than one would normally have...or find themselves physically sore, tense and so mentally exhausted you don't even know if you are thinking thoughts or not? when from your perspective there is no reason to be that exhausted based on your lack of activity or exposure to any major stress that day?

[JaneC]

Yes, oh yes I agree!

I feel a deep exhaustion almost all the time, and I haven't done anything to warrant it. I get frustrated with the exhaustion, and annoyed that simple things seem to take such a great effort.....and worse, I just can't explain it to friends, even feel ashamed to have to try to explain it.

I think it comes from the constant stress on the brain, as our brains utilise the greatest amounts of energy of any part of the body. Add additional strain to this 'muscle' and like any overstrained muscle group it hurts and gets fatigued!

I find now, embarrassingly to me, that I struggle to think as quickly as I used to and retain new knowledge as easily as I used to. Now I know this changes with age, but heck, I'm only 43!! Being back at university and studying fulltime is harder than I imagined it would be.......and the fatigue is constant and overwhelming at times.

So yes, to all you ask. Mental and physical exhaustion that feels interminable! Let me know if you come up with a remedy, I have none sorry to say.

Take kind care of yourself

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by JaneC

I find now, embarrassingly to me, that I struggle to think as quickly as I used to and retain new knowledge as easily as I used to. Now I know this changes with age, but heck, I'm only 43!! Being back at university and studying fulltime is harder than I imagined it would be.......and the fatigue is constant and overwhelming at times.

I have noticed that to, even hard for me to read and comprehend simple stuff now at times...whereas I used to read way above my level, take a lot of information in and retain it and could concentrate and focus pretty well fairly often especially if something caught my int rest...I mean I always had some slowness like have never been the best at keeping up with everyone else and was always horrible at math but not to the level it is now. I just hate feeling like an idiot because my brains not working right....I am only 23 so I know it's very unlikely to have to do with age in my case.

[MotownJohnny]

Yes - what I told the new T a couple of weeks back is that true rest is impossible. When I do get to put in more hours of sleep, it isn't restful because I usually have bad dreams.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

Yes - what I told the new T a couple of weeks back is that true rest is impossible. When I do get to put in more hours of sleep, it isn't restful because I usually have bad dreams.

There are times I am tired and can't sleep and won't take my trazodone or anything to make myself sleep because I don't want stressful dreams to exhaust me more. Really hard to cope with this crap, to the point of putting off suicide like to keep going, but not putting it out of my mind as an option just telling myself 'well have to wait till after (insert activity I might enjoy or some responsibility I convince myself I have to take care of first)' don't see how many more years I can successfully do that for though.

[Bluegrey]

I hadn't thought of this, but it certainly rings lots of bells. I have physical illness as well (rheumatoid arthritis) which makes me exhausted anyway but there is a mental tiredness as well. I have tended to think it's the depression side of things as motivation becomes difficult etc.

No idea if there is a solution though.


Bluegrey

[MotownJohnny]

Hellion, I know what you mean about holding out. I now consider suicide an inevitability. But like Sheryl Crow said, "I just wanna have a little fun before I die".

[Open Eyes]

Yes Hellion, this is a symptom of PTSD. It is due to the Hyper Awareness that is there constantly. That is why sleeping can be so difficult too. It does leave the person feeling as though they ran a marathon where they are physically tired too. That is the cortisol that pumps into the body/muscles along with adreneline that is meant to prepare a person to "fight/flight". It is also why a person can become irritable too. And yes, it is harder to concentrate.

I remember when I was misdiagnosed and I had a hard time trying to figure out how to process all the loss I experienced. I did not get rest and grief counseling, that was "wrong" that I was not "helped". It is very important that a person be able to talk out their bad experience/trauma as much as they need to. We are designed to sound the alarm and we are also designed to seek comfort as that helps us calm down and feel safe.

When PTSD is formed from a big trauma, a person can also have a history of traumas where they did not get comforted or herd or helped to feel safe again. This has been called "complex" PTSD. There are a lot of members that interact in this forum that are challenged this way. Each member has shared how "unsupportive" their family has been to them and often still is "unsupportive, dismissive, and even threatening at times".

Establishing a relationship with a therapist that one can feel "safe" with is very important. Also, it is important that a person struggling also have others who can be a source of "support" to them while they finally work on whatever they have been challenged with that is a part of how they struggle to "regulate" emotionally/psychologically.

The truth is, a person needs to understand that "it is not their fault if they are just being HUMAN". It is ok to "cry, be angry, be afraid, and make mistakes too". Life is not really what your mother thinks it should be, what your father thought it should be for you, or siblings either, life is an experience that each person has, is theirs to have and explore.

It is "normal" to learn and grow all our lives and look back on different parts of our lives where we struggled and stressed and did not have enough "life experience" to know how to understand or react better in whatever was taking place at the time. Every person will look back from the now and see things they "should have" been helped with too. It is important to learn how to "make peace" with that "history", mourn it and slowly learn how to move forward "in spite" of that history.

One thing I did read that made sense to me is that with PTSD, the amydala with all it's very primitive human instincts hyjacks the brain which is why a person struggles. What "helps" a person regain their control is "learning" , even though it is challenging to concentrate and learn, as a person continues to work at it, they make gains on their sense of "control" again.

[Hellion]

Have pretty good relationship with my siblings and my dad though we have had some differences in the past and arguments...I love my mom and I care about her but she's kinda narcissistic or something idk so sort of hard to live with her and her boyfriend who also lives here gets on my nerves and is kinda immature.

Though my family didn't give me support I needed but then I bottled a lot of stuff up and didn't want to trouble them with how I was getting picked on at school...parents didn't get along so seemed like they wouldn't have time for that and the times they where 'getting along' I didn't want to bring up anything negative and risk an argument. They also finally got divorced pretty much immediately following the lock-down that triggered the PTSD to occur, I had no friends and couldn't seem to get hooked up with a therapist though I did try. Then just tried to move on, how have gotten on SSI and have been going to therapy(which hasn't done crap), taking meds for depression, anxiety and sleep though the depression ones haven't worked or cause side effects I can't stand so have had to stop them all and yeah i smoke cannabis since its legal in the state and gives me relief even if it is temporary gotta do something and I don't want to be an idiot and abuse the valium for 'euphoria' as I need it for anxiety and don't need it getting taken away.

But yeah I guess I don't really care about making peace with it, or mourning it...I don't care why or how all I know is its painful and plain unbearable at times and I'll only be able to put up with it for so long before I am done and can't take it anymore. Also I still learn things, doesn't seem learning in general is doing anything about my PTSD, except its harder to retain information and what not.

[Parley]

I think emotional exhaustion is a side effect of trauma. I am not sure if ptsd is required but I know I've been hit with a thought or two that has major physiological effects. It only last a minute or two but the side effects last for hours and sometimes days. I had to work through the beginning of my journey. I was in no shape to be living with anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I picked up trash for a year in an apartment project because I got a discount and they took the rent out of my pay.
It wasn't legal but every other week I was able to buy a dime bag and if I was really lucky, I could buy a six pack of whatever was on sale. Coke or Pepsi. I couldn't afford Tylenol much less prescriptions but I don't believe I would like them either.

I wonder if you could use your ssi and go to college or a trade school? I'm not talking about a bunch of book learning but maybe something that keep you busy. Blue collar. Welding? Carpentry? Truck Driving? Anything to focus on while you find a way to work through your trauma?
Might even find a friend or two in business associations.

I am not saying this will work for you~ I just wonder because when I get physical, I am not as emotionally exhausted. Yes, it still kicks my *** but it's a different exhaustion. My way of doing things could also be why I'm still here~ I failed to fully recognize my experienced.

I wonder if there's a middle ground. I really hope you don't give up on finding a therapy/therapist that works for you.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Parley

I think emotional exhaustion is a side effect of trauma. I am not sure if ptsd is required but I know I've been hit with a thought or two that has major physiological effects. It only last a minute or two but the side effects last for hours and sometimes days. I had to work through the beginning of my journey. I was in no shape to be living with anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I picked up trash for a year in an apartment project because I got a discount and they took the rent out of my pay.
It wasn't legal but every other week I was able to buy a dime bag and if I was really lucky, I could buy a six pack of whatever was on sale. Coke or Pepsi. I couldn't afford Tylenol much less prescriptions but I don't believe I would like them either.

I wonder if you could use your ssi and go to college or a trade school? I'm not talking about a bunch of book learning but maybe something that keep you busy. Blue collar. Welding? Carpentry? Truck Driving? Anything to focus on while you find a way to work through your trauma?
Might even find a friend or two in business associations.

I am not saying this will work for you~ I just wonder because when I get physical, I am not as emotionally exhausted. Yes, it still kicks my *** but it's a different exhaustion. My way of doing things could also be why I'm still here~ I failed to fully recognize my experienced.

I wonder if there's a middle ground. I really hope you don't give up on finding a therapy/therapist that works for you.

Was in college, didn't work out even part time, and to be entirely honest I think even a trade program would be too stressful right now not to mention all the crap that goes into actually applying for programs. But also I only get 721$ a month and 300 is for rent I need the remaining 400 for other needs and when able leisure things or whatever that make my life a bit more pleasant.

I just get fed up because every time I put an honest effort into finding therapy, being open minded to different kinds of therapy something always comes up..every damn time either can't manage to get an appoinment sceduled or there's a bunch of mix ups or I start getting comfortable with a therapist and due to the mismanagement or whatever then they switch me therapists out of the blue....mental health treatment is a joke it seems, if they really wanted to help they'd meet people half way instead of bombarding them with stress just to get a bloody appointment let alone show up for it...but no they put it all on you the person with PTSD to somehow figure it all out and organize it all...

[MotownJohnny]

Yes, that is very true. I personally think a LOT of things about "the system" in this country are messed up. I am grateful that I have private insurance coverage for outpatient therapy, because of the healthcare reform package. Before it just wasn't available to me as a non-group individual subscriber. I have heard so many horror stories. Our local ABC affiliate just did a multi-part expose on the state of mental health care in Michigan for those on public assistance/public funding through Community Mental Health. It was really sad, and honestly for me scary and triggering, because they kept showing all of the homeless or worse, talking about how many mentally ill people ended up in the prison system. My worst fears there.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

Hellion, I know what you mean about holding out. I now consider suicide an inevitability. But like Sheryl Crow said, "I just wanna have a little fun before I die".

Yeah not so much a matter of if, but when...trying to keep on with life as long as possible though I guess. Hoping maybe I can enjoy some aspects of it for a time.

[cosmic.yiana]

Originally Posted by Hellion

There are times I am tired and can't sleep and won't take my trazodone or anything to make myself sleep because I don't want stressful dreams to exhaust me more. Really hard to cope with this crap, to the point of putting off suicide like to keep going, but not putting it out of my mind as an option just telling myself 'well have to wait till after (insert activity I might enjoy or some responsibility I convince myself I have to take care of first)' don't see how many more years I can successfully do that for though.

That's how I was with my suicidal ideation this last time. I take trazodone too.
I take prazosin to help with dreams from ptsd. It doesn't always work, but it does cut back on some of the nightmares and stressed out dreams.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by cosmic.yiana

That's how I was with my suicidal ideation this last time. I take trazodone too.
I take prazosin to help with dreams from ptsd. It doesn't always work, but it does cut back on some of the nightmares and stressed out dreams.

I tried the prazosin before I think and it didn't really have any effect on that, or didn't really seem to. But yeah I worry about when I can't find that next thing to wait for or am too overwhelmed/set off/triggered to think straight regardless of having something to wait for.

[cosmic.yiana]

Originally Posted by Hellion

I tried the prazosin before I think and it didn't really have any effect on that, or didn't really seem to. But yeah I worry about when I can't find that next thing to wait for or am too overwhelmed/set off/triggered to think straight regardless of having something to wait for.

That's why I put myself in intensive outpatient for 1 1/2 months this last time. I've been out for a month. It kept me hanging on. It didn't take it completely away. But I was so overwhelmed. I didn't know what else to do. Inpatient doesn't really have an effect on me. They keep you for a few days adjust meds then set you back out like everything is better. But for some those few days help.

But yeah, it's hard as hell. It's when you are overwhelmed that it really catches you. I know it's hard but you have to tell someone if it gets to that point. I made a pact to myself to. And I would rather not be alive, but someone or something has kept me here after two tries.

[Hellion]

Yeah I know if I feel that way I should certainly seek help, its just even that seems pointless. Also not sure my medicaid covers anything like that, not to mention having my life restricted frusterates me so not sure what intensive outpatient would entail. I do smoke cannabis since its pretty much the only thing I have found to actually relieve my depression for a time, at least so I can stop thinking about suicide and enjoy some small things in life like watching my cats play and it helps with that PTSD absolute exaustion I get since it actually relaxes me unlike anything else and so with outpatient I would probably still want to keep doing that unless they finally came out with a pill that is more effective then that then fine give it to me. but yeah with outpatient if I had to only depend on their meds pretty sure Id still be just as suicidal if not more since none of those have gave me relief. I have been in the psych ward a couple times when I was feeling suicidal and it helped keep me safe till I felt I wouldn't act on the urges....if I have to go again I will try to get back in that one they had really good food and the staff and what not where pretty cool didn't feel threatened in that place the first one though made me pretty uncomfortable so sort of lied about being feeling better before I did just to get out. But I hate this, why do I have to feel this way to the extent of having to go to the ER just so I don't act on something....but I try not to be down on myself about it.

And now my dad got arrested for what I think is a lot of BS but whatever, he did call me since and seemed alright and said all that would be over with when he gets out...its just that sucks on top of everything else and he's not even a person who goes about trying to hurt others or cause problems so it just makes me sad I hate our legal system they arrest and put the wrong people in jail much of the time in my opinion.

[Hellion]

I guess one of the worst things is I feel it killing me, I cant eat half the time when I am hungry because of anxiety digestive ***** and i can never get any rest and really what is the point to keep going hope for eventual happinesss or at least satisfaction of some kind in life? well I am sick of waiting for that so screw it all. I really dont want to die at twenty five but what else is there, i admit I am afraid of trying to off myself but feel it is inevidable regardless of treatment I might get there is nothing to really stop the crap in my mind. the oter day I had thoughts of you should just kill yourself and get it overwith well hard not to listen to that crap when it wont leave you alone

[Maralora07]

Try starting with one simple task, first thing after breakfast, and try and take a short walk. Even if its just to the corner and back. See if that helps. Good luck and don't give up.

[hoping2smile]

I remember going to my doctor and telling him, I have been depressed before and this is different. I am too tired to lift my arms up from my bed..

I also had/have severe processing and memory issues. I had a 4.0 average in my master's degree classes until PTSD. I have failed the last three classes that I have taken. In all of them, I finished 75% of the work with really high marks but then couldn't get through the final projects which included lots of reading and a final product. I can't retain anything and then I freeze when trying to present my opinion on the given topic. My self concept is so weak right now that I second guess everything that I think. I HATE the negative internal voice.....

Good luck.