[TryingToMoveForward]

I get terrified whenever there sounds of things banging together. Like my parents searching for something and they seem to want to make as much noise as possible. And I'm sitting here, trying to ignore it and not jump out of my skin. Usually them banging things while cussing and swearing, my dad breaks stuff all the time and has an explosive, unpredictable temper. Listening actually makes me physically tremble and feel so afraid. Slamming doors is another one what ruffles me and makes me want to hide somewhere. Raised voices is another.

I still live with my parents. Because I can't afford my own place. And they were abusive, to each other, to us. So when they start slamming and banging stuff, I go back to when I was a little girl and feel very unsafe, scared and vulnerable.

My therapist told me that I am safe now. But I don't feel safe when any of that is going on. These things happen everyday too. I don't feel safe in my own house, with my own family. Only when I'm completely alone and with my cat. Every time I see my mother I mentally and emotionally prepare myself to be verbally torn to pieces. My heartbeat accelerates. My knees get shaky. I don't know how to talk to her, because I'm too scared of her. And it seems nothing I do really makes her happy, no matter how hard I try. Which is the story of my life with her. She insists she didn't abuse me. But if that's the case, why the hell do I feel this way and experience these things?

[PandorasAquarium]

I wish I could help you somehow. I'm very hypersensitive to noise. My parents use to fight like that and my ex was very violent. My husband is typically very calm and stoic, but all he has to do is close a door too hard and my heart rate goes through the roof.

Perhaps you can focus your energy on when you and your kitty can get out of that house. I don't know exactly your situation, age, finances, etc. But maybe you can focus your energy on your "escape" so to speak. I moved out at 17 and never looked back. Lived in my vehicle, then a friends camper for a while. Not my proudest moments, but then in a way, they were. Weird probably, but it felt good to make my stand even if it wasn't the strongest exodus. Mind you, living in a vehicle is not exactly safe, so I'm not condoning it. For me, at the time, it seemed my only option, but it was pretty reckless, looking back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can relate to what you're going through and that for me, it made me stronger and more determined to get my life into my own hands. Independence became paramount. It wasn't easy, but it did give me some much needed independence. You can get through this.

[phoenix7]

Kittys are great - they are safe and they listen and understand - I hope you get away soon - loud noises trigger me - at night my co-worker bangs around and it makes me jumpy and angry and my fight or flight kicks in but im trying hard to get past it - I will use distraction techniques if I can - stay safe and well

P&

[yakmom]

Completely understand though my abuse did not come from parents, from a spouse. The sudden noise still startles me 22 years later. Hoping all will be well and you and kitty will be free of the stressors soon. On your own.

[Aracnae]

I've always been hyper-sensitive to noise too. I am a big believer in desensitizing myself now, and have gotten a bit better over time by exposing myself to it on purpose little by little. Many times the abuser will claim they never abused their victim or act like they don't remember it. It's because they feel bad about it, but don't want to deal with those feelings, or with the idea that they might be a bad person. Don't let what she says invalidate you. Your feelings are completely valid, and not your fault.

[skeksi]

I hate banging, too! I have a really hard time with any house sounds--since I was abused at home. It makes living in one a little tough!

I think it must be hard to train your brain to see that you're safe now when you are still living with the people who were once dangerous. I think you will be doing damage control and managing the fears until you are on your own. (That said, I still have lots of fears while living away from my family, but I can at least look around and know I am safe from them). Do you have a safe place you can go to that is away from their home to use as a respite? Library, cafe, etc?

[elevatedsoul]

sudden noises and things set me off too...
its just something ive been trying to deal with for ever and doesnt seem to get much beter.. sometimes its better but sometimes its worse its just bleh....

always jumping, always tense... always on alert...

just try to slow things down as much as you can... in which ever way work for you...
so you arent flooded ...

I use ear plugs a lot - perhaps that may help you?

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[t-raging]

I actually have the same problem... wow I never actually really acknowledged why it gives me so much anxiety to have people banging around... specifically when my roommate angrily puts dishes away since she "cleans up after everyone every day" and has some pretty bad cabin fever from being home all the time. I don't understand why she thinks it's okay. She sees that I go into my shell when it happens. When other people do it she gets stressed out too.

I've never been diagnosed with PTSD. My dad didn't harm me in the ways my mother did but he would stomp around and throw things when he got angry. Would stand in the kitchen and just loudly clean, yelling about how he does "everything around here."

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[WhatDayIsItAgain]

I think the people banging things around are angry. The lack of control makes me insecure as to what they might decide to do next, so I anticipate further escalation of violence from them.

It is more the distress from their anger and wanting to be away from the tension more than the actual sound for me. I am an introvert by nature anyway so even nice quiet non-angry people can be draining and mean loud angry people are very triggering.

PS I love your MM sig photo... awesome.

[rep97]

I have the same problem but worse than most. Whenever I hear a noise or banging from upstairs neighbor or next door neighbor.. it sends me losing myself.

Like I would be happy and go to my aprtment and all of a sudden noises from upstairs or next door neighbor would startle me and I would lose myself.

This is really painful because when I lose myself I can't enjoy life.. I am just there all in my head and in pain. And I live in a no-man's-land kinda place.

On top of it I feel people feel my vibes so they make noises intentionally. I feel they wana harass me. Scum of the earth.

I'm on SSDI and can't afford my own housing so I live with my stepdad and pay him rent. He is partially deaf and has always been loud in general. He bangs around in the kitchen like you would not believe. I sleep upstairs with ear plugs, medicated at night by Geodon and Klonopin and he still wakes me up!

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