Bad fkashbacks

Suffering because of child hood abuse and a voilent rape going through really bad time .I have decided now that I am going to kill myself when my animals have all gone .I cant cope anymore with it .ive tried all the grounding things dint work

Dear dotty0000 - I hope you are doing alright, if not a little better. I believe I understand the feeling of not wanting to go on or even try anymore - sometimes the feelings and experiences can be so overwhelming, and there is no quick-fix. To me, it's like being on fire - I'm rushing around, cannot stop because the urgency is so great; it feels like being engulfed by my terrible feelings and memories, with a pain on par with physical pain.

can you speak with anyone about this? Grounding may be too much for you right now - when my PTSD was out of control, the last thing I was able to do was still my mind, halt the images. I needed more immediate help, in the form of medications to help me be less agitated/more receptive to mindfulness/DBT/CBT.

May I ask whether you have a doctor you see for these feelings? I hope you won't mind some suggestions that I can vouch for as helpful to me (in varying degrees):
RAINN helpline was helpful for me in the immediate moment, as they deal with a lot of these issues (trauma/rape, and their residual effects). I see you are in the UK, I've reached out to the Samaritans via email many, many times; they do have numbers for the UK on their site; this might be of help?

Sometimes I just need to talk/yell/write out my frustrations and anger; perhaps this is what you are doing here. The forums here are an excellent place to do this without judgement, and there is a lot of support.

I hope you will post further, here, to say what is going on, how you are doing.

I'm glad you have your animals; my pets are a great comfort to me.

Take care

Hello dotty0000: Welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. (I've made a couple of attempts previously too.) I hope that in some way you will be able to find the renewed strength to keep fighting. Perhaps posting here on PC can help.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

((((((hugs))))))

dotty0000
I don't know what to say, so I am sending Zen hugs to you. I hope you don't do this. I hope you get help, as Bolivar83 suggested. I know you don't believe it, but it can get better.
Hugs

Hey Dotty. It's somehow good to know that there are people just like you. I know you aren't looking for people who sympathise with you, just for the reason to live after this everything. The reason may be that you aren't alone with this. I'm also a survivor of rape and every day it's getting worse. I had also suicidal thoughts, I even knew which song I would turn on then. Fortunately I have already been under a psychiatric treatment and I was seeing a psychotherapist that time so I got right medication. I think you should try it too. It will help a bit. Don't wait any longer, you can't treat it yourself.

Lots of love

hey dotty,

hope you're doing okay after your flashbacks

(((((hugs))))

I feel like I almost don't have a right to post here, I'm not even sure I have PTSD, it's complicated. I do know I was committed to killing myself after my pet died and something that has helped me is feeling like I have a purpose, even if it is sometimes just to let other's know they are not alone in their feelings. Hoping you don't give up.

Don't give up. I had bad dreams/flashbacks last night and still got up and went to church. On mornings when I have to get up early I don't sleep medication otherwise I do. Do you have a sleep medication that was prescribed for you?

I wish I couldn't relate to this as much as I do.
I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, flashbacks can be incredibly painful to get through and I wish I knew how to cope with them so I had advice for you.. :/
My big suggestion would be to go get some love from your animals. Whenever my night terrors got bad I would go find my cat & snuggle up to her/cry in her fur. When I cried hard it scared her sometimes but it felt so good to just get it out, especially with someone I loved

dotty, I just wanted to make sure you are ok. How are you? Is there anything I can help you with? I understand how you feel more than you know. I hope you are able to keep posting here and find someone to talk to.

Please please dont kill yourself. You are precious and human and you deserve a second chance. Please update us

I still have very suicidal thoughts almost daily. I found that even if these thoughts and desires don't go away, I can learn to cope with them. I force myself to find a purpose doing something, or just think of someone I love and see that as a purpose. When I do this, I find I can counter my suicidal thoughts with reasons I have to stay around. I also write, draw or just make myself sit and listen to music until I can work everything out in my head. Eventually, I make myself so tired that I just sleep for a bit and then a feel better for a while. They always seem to come back one way or another. It's a struggle I will deal with for the foreseeable future and might as well see it through to the end.

i just wanted to bring this thread back up to the top and say that for the past 3 days at least, all the flashbacks i've had are to do with fire (absolutely nothing else, just fire)

can't help feeling it's some sort of sign that something's going to happen