[leomama]

Hi everyone, I started a long draft and then Iost it so here I am again.

I've had a lot of stress this week and most of it was from new trauma.

Monday:
I had a legal proceeding.
I found my daughter's stash.
She was harassing me so I had to call the police and she got a ticket for not listening to her parent.

Tuesday:
She denied she had a problem to the pediatric psychiatrist and since she didn't appear depressed and was going to school he said he couldn't help us.

Wednesday:
She stepped on her laptop and cracked the screen.

Thursday
She lied about coming home after school, spent the night at her older boyfriend's house.

Friday:
She came home the next morning and told me she dropped her phone in the toilet. She told me she was going to spend the night at some kid's house with the rest of her peers Saturday night. I said no.

Today: I woke up at 7:16am and she had been up since 5am. She said she was going to see her boyfriend before the fund raising car wash at 9:30am for her school.

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Leomama, thinking of you. Thanks for creating this thread.

I'm normally upbeat in nature but have been feeling very anxious the past couple of days. My C-PTSD got triggered and I don't know much at all on how to deal with it. My past therapy mainly focused on my bipolar disorder.

I am surprised at how bad and strange I feel after the trigger. I'm mad at myself for not realizing it was a trigger and avoiding it. I also am upset with myself that I don't know much about PTSD (other than the experience of having it) and that I didn't make it more of a priority in my treatment. I've always been too scared to face it.

I'll be alright but I need to learn to deal with this. I've always been too scared to come to this forum. So coming here today is my first step. I think I've been in denial of how much this illness affects me; avoiding it seemed safest but I'm paying the price now.

[leomama]

Excellent. Step 2: PTSD chat @ 5pm PST if you're up to it. Step 3: start reading about survivor guilt and self blame and PTSD, if you're up to it.

I live on a battlefield as you can see from my post.

I just learned today that I have to exercise, pray and meditate for 20 minutes every morning before I leave my room. That might mean my daughter leaves all dolled up to go see her boyfriend. I'll deal with her when she comes home. That's the situation I live in.

I'm glad you're here. I hope you find this forum helpful. I'd also say step 4: read through the threads here as time allows and respond if you can when something moves you.

I hope you will find this to be a safe place.

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Thank you so much, I appreciate the direction/steps.

You do live in a minefield...I'm here for you ... support and never judging.

[leomama]

Thank you , and that is only the tip of the iceberg.

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Checking in...yesterday was hard for me. I'm still having insomnia and that's not helping. Two days now. I'll call pdoc tomorrow, if needed. Three days of zero sleep puts me at risk for a mood episode...so that's where I draw the line.

I probably will not accomplish much today due to lack of sleep.

I picked up my anxietyPTSD workbook yesterday with the intention to start working on it. I felt scared and put it back for now. I think I'll get panicky if I delve into it now with the insomnia and feeling strange. Lost? I'm not sure.

Well, at least I checked in. Small steps right now.

[Unrigged64072835]

Still having flashbacks, or bad memories, or whatever...It's making me rather uncomfortable. I have to breathe and remember that it isn't what is happening today. That part is over and done with. I've been getting these quite a bit lately and I grimace, but I don't dwell on them which is good.

[TishaBuv]

Checking in, can't even begin to explain, but coping best I can.

[leomama]

I'm going to try to get up and start my day despite the frustration I feel.
I think my dreams reminded me of the inability of my ex and my parents to help me with my daughter.
They are all self absorbed and it's hard for me to accept that.
I'm feeling irritated, fed up, frustrated but I'm going to try to accomplish what I can today.

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[skeksi]

I'm having ongoing house maintenance issues and I am obsessing and panicking about them. They are mostly mild but everything is an emergency and a disaster to me and it's exhausting. And scary.

Night three of insomnia. Feel exhausted but can't sleep. I worked on DBT skills last night.

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[leomama]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Night three of insomnia. Feel exhausted but can't sleep. I worked on DBT skills last night.

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Do you have any medication or OTC drugs you can take?

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[Shaly78]

Gangstalking has caused PTSD to probably become cPTSD.....I've quit all talk therapy cause gangstalking is therapy anywho....I want to seek out anti psychotics again hopefully my psychotic alters will die to their audible feel good just hear them talk for ever!!

At NHS clonezapam isn't a long term script due to addictions concerns guess what I've exceeding had less panic since that closure.

Maybe Haldolal not a $120 a bottle can't afford it but maybe something else respidone's name is highly triggering the male breast lawsuit and some of my molestation was there plus it like a vitamin i need something with little more kick like haldolal was in 2014. Anyway, 2015 was Resperidone....2014 In patient wasnt depakote although wasn't discharged with that. All inpatients after that refused medicines.

NHS wouldn't beleive me on gnagstalking just cause it was hard to describe due to the overprotectiveness and the pieces of the stories help in captive inside so that they could say oh okay you definitely need the did dx which i got now a second time in 2015 . If it ain't broke don't fix it after I had it out with Luna pdoc, i was sent to Nurse Anna she was like we she all mad...Dr Prado pdoc was really great and was honored to hear my sacred stories and listened when i tried to describer everything we don't author a book so you have to listen in pieces know i don't trust everyone....So Nurse Anna didn't really explain it well Dr Luna didn't communication that she can't afford the halodol you see that hole in communication it cause them to assume that everyone knows this system and are talking and following when it fact that isn't the case. And you never know who is setting up and talking evil behind back. She is super fragile since who first dx started the gangstalking it is every where for her........

Today I'm returning to where I first was referred to probably whole new staff there...I don't wanna hear or see at all so i need something with a litte kick like Haloldol only medicaid and no meds money samples will work.

[leomama]

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[leomama]

Makes me nervous

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[skeksi]

Runs my life

[leomama]

Going out of my mind today: have to wire two paintings, drop them off, doing laundry, go to a meeting, buy more reservatrol, read psychopath free and moderate a chat tonight. So far have only had coffee and coq10 and lamictal for breakfast. Oh boy.

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[LucyD]

Glad to see you started this thread. Hope I am welcome here. My anxiety increased lately and I have felt like I have nothing to hang onto. Heard some hymns on tv and even though I am not religious at all I found some comfort in hearing the singing. Felt like I was less alone.

Last night a bat was in my apt. and scared the heck out of me. I mean a flying bat. I was worried about my pets and trying to shoo it into another room and let it out the window but it wouldn't go. I didn't want to hurt it either so I didn't hit it or anything like that. It was flying around my living room for about 10 minutes and my birds were sitting there very quietely. Finally the bat flew into the kitchen and I closed the kitchen door so it could not get out of there. Called the managers and they came with a big cloth and went in the kitchen and found it hanging upside down from the kitchen vent and put the cloth around it, and took it outside and let it go. Whew!! I keep thinking other bats are going to be flying in here but that was my first bat. I went into panic mode when I realized it was a bat but yet I tried to keep calm on the outside.

Anyways, I am also on a new med. to help me not to drink or drink much less and it is working but the side effect is that it makes me very nervous, too.

Well, that is my check in.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Glad to see you started this thread. Hope I am welcome here. My anxiety increased lately and I have felt like I have nothing to hang onto. Heard some hymns on tv and even though I am not religious at all I found some comfort in hearing the singing. Felt like I was less alone.

Last night a bat was in my apt. and scared the heck out of me. I mean a flying bat. I was worried about my pets and trying to shoo it into another room and let it out the window but it wouldn't go. I didn't want to hurt it either so I didn't hit it or anything like that. It was flying around my living room for about 10 minutes and my birds were sitting there very quietely. Finally the bat flew into the kitchen and I closed the kitchen door so it could not get out of there. Called the managers and they came with a big cloth and went in the kitchen and found it hanging upside down from the kitchen vent and put the cloth around it, and took it outside and let it go. Whew!! I keep thinking other bats are going to be flying in here but that was my first bat. I went into panic mode when I realized it was a bat but yet I tried to keep calm on the outside.

Anyways, I am also on a new med. to help me not to drink or drink much less and it is working but the side effect is that it makes me very nervous, too.

Well, that is my check in.

You are welcome here. PTSD is a severe anxiety disorder. Thanks for checking in.

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[Trace14]

Originally Posted by leomama

Going out of my mind today: have to wire two paintings, drop them off, doing laundry, go to a meeting, buy more reservatrol, read psychopath free and moderate a chat tonight. So far have only had coffee and coq10 and lamictal for breakfast. Oh boy.

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Better get some spinach from Popeye.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Better get some spinach from Popeye.

Yeah I haven't eaten breakfast yet so I cut the meeting out.

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[skeksi]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Last night a bat was in my apt. and scared the heck out of me.

That would have freaked me out, too!!!

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by skeksi

That would have freaked me out, too!!!

It did scare me badly and I am still reeling from that. Feeling somewhat better, though, after taking the full dose of geodon this evening.

[MtnTime2896]

*Possible Triggers*
Flashbacks, panic attacks, hypervigilance, nightmares, hallucinations and some minor delusions etc.. Basically everything, just more intense lately. Suicidal thoughts have returned, though I don't plan on following through. I don't feel safe, I don't feel okay. I'm just waiting it all out. I feel like I'm paralyzed in this endless nightmare. The thing about having to wait it out, all I want to do is give up and give in. I realize how close I am to confusing reality with what's happening in my head and I'm fighting so hard to keep from having full episodes of dissociation (I never remember these episodes in the slightest) and reminding myself that I'm not back there. Right now, I just want to stop fighting and let it take me, allow myself to finally just lose it all. I want to give up so bad, maybe then it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm so tired of fighting when there's no end.

[leomama]

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