[leomama]

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[leomama]

Took 500mg of valerian cause I didn't have time to take 25mg of seroquel and woke up after some nightmares that were a mixture of flashbacks and things that hadn't happened but could've.

Does anyone discuss their nightmares and flashbacks with their therapists?

I'm seeing my psych nurse in a few hours so I might mention these to her. I didn't practice good self care last night. That's the bigger issue, which actually ties back into my dreams.

Another question is : are my relationships today working for me or against me? I think I will address that issue in another forum.

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[LucyD]

Hello. Slept good last night. Hope to keep busy today to take my mind off of stuff.

[leomama]

Did not have a good night.

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[LucyD]

I hope you will have a better night. I had so much going through my mind I didn't get much sleep and I am having a visitor come over soon. I haven't seen him in almost 40 years. We are going to order Chinese food and watch a movie. This should be interesting. I'm trying to ignore what is going on with my ptsd for awhile and just relax if I can. It's very hard though. My friend is on oxygen so I know he won't stay real long, he has a ways to travel. I guess I worry a bit about the awkwardness of not seeing each other for so many years. I'm just going to try and be a welcoming hostess for awhile and it should go okay. He knows I have mental health issues. Maybe it will even be a good time. I hope so. I always get nervous when getting together with guys. I know he is harmless, though.

[leomama]

I'm still coming to grips with the fact PTSD is a mental health issue as it is actually an injury and not an illness. I'm feeling really triggered right now and I'm seeing my parents in 2 hours so I'm just trying to be mindful. I am so glad that people are participating in this thread. Thank you all for your posts.

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[LucyD]

Originally Posted by leomama

I'm still coming to grips with the fact PTSD is a mental health issue as it is actually an injury and not an illness. I'm feeling really triggered right now and I'm seeing my parents in 2 hours so I'm just trying to be mindful. I am so glad that people are participating in this thread. Thank you all for your posts.

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Yes, it is an injury. I only say it is a mental health issue because it is classified in the DSM number whatever it is now, I'm not up on which number they are on now. But I do agree it is a real injury. I'm sorry you are feeling so triggered. What do you do to feel mindful? I haven't learned a lot about that. I am waiting to see a new therapist.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Yes, it is an injury. I only say it is a mental health issue because it is classified in the DSM number whatever it is now, I'm not up on which number they are on now. But I do agree it is a real injury. I'm sorry you are feeling so triggered. What do you do to feel mindful? I haven't learned a lot about that. I am waiting to see a new therapist.

I had a great day!
Mindful: triangle breath: 4 in, hold 4, 4 out.
Medication.
Sleep.
Supplements.
Nutrition.
Talking it out.
Dbt .
CBT.
Walking.
Hydration.

I take PTSD very seriously.

[Open Eyes]

I have a lot of injuries that I did not realize. Sometimes I get triggered and I honestly don't know what triggered me. If I do figure it out and talk about it the response I get which angers me is "well if you know that then don't "allow" it to bother you". I get angry because things bother me before I even think to "allow". Ususally it's after I get triggered/bothered/upset that I have a chance to realize it.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I have a lot of injuries that I did not realize. Sometimes I get triggered and I honestly don't know what triggered me. If I do figure it out and talk about it the response I get which angers me is "well if you know that then don't "allow" it to bother you". I get angry because things bother me before I even think to "allow". Ususally it's after I get triggered/bothered/upset that I have a chance to realize it.

Yep me too, I'm like a cat twitching its tail that still wants to check you out. I'm feeling agitated right now myself.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by leomama

I had a great day!
Mindful: triangle breath: 4 in, hold 4, 4 out.
Medication.
Sleep.
Supplements.
Nutrition.
Talking it out.
Dbt .
CBT.
Walking.
Hydration.

I take PTSD very seriously.

And are you saying you think I don't take it seriously?

[leomama]

Originally Posted by LucyD

And are you saying you think I don't take it seriously?

No not at all, I am sorry you got that idea, and, my day took a turn for the worse earlier. I'll read my reply to see where you saw that.

I said I took it seriously because my family and acquaintances didn't, that's all. It wasn't about you, it was about me. I apologize for the misunderstanding .

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by leomama

Yep me too, I'm like a cat twitching its tail that still wants to check you out. I'm feeling agitated right now myself.

From listening to you it sounds to me like you have a lot of history with family that had strong Narcissistic Traits. Most likely you had to figure out how to be "heard" and recognized, somehow you were trained to think your needs were not important, or that if you had needs it could make things even worse by reaching out for help.

Often if there is something "toxic" taking place in a family, the child senses it on some very deep levels and begins to realize that if they talk about "their needs" or how something is affecting them badly, it could make whatever is there that is toxic even worse.

That can become one's "normal" so that when they pick their life partner and that partner begins to express "toxic or intrusive" behaviors it's not immediately recognized as a major negative, but instead without realizing it feels "normal". This is how "dysfunction" gets passed from one generation to the next without the individuals actually realizing it.

[leomama]

Yes and I already did that.
At any rate.
Today I am tired, trying to put one foot in front of the other, be more careful. It's hard. I'm tired of constantly having to guard myself on line, on the phone, with people. It's exhausting. People talk when I talk. The only truly safe place is with my therapist .
There's only one person in my family with narcissistic traits and they are the healthiest one. The person with borderline traits is far scarier, then there's another one with sociopathic traits. I'll take the narcissistic one any day over the other two.

[Open Eyes]

Today I am tired, trying to put one foot in front of the other, be more careful. It's hard. I'm tired of constantly having to guard myself on line, on the phone, with people.

I have had many days where I felt the same way leomama, go easy on yourself, step back and give yourself some TLC.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I have had many days where I felt the same way leomama, go easy on yourself, step back and give yourself some TLC.

Thank you

[Bolivar83]

Thank you for the thread; hope everyone doing better.... Today, I'm triggered, but using DBT skills to help (holding ice cube to distract, self-soothing w/some cocoa now)....guess it's a good day after all if a cup of cocoa is an effective defense! jeez...

[leomama]

Thanks for participating. Didn't take a sedative last night because I have to go to church today so I'm exhausted. I'm tired of my head, and tired of my life. tomorrow I can sleep in.

Experienced a traumatic thing yesterday that bore hallmarks of a prior trauma. And I still haven't dealt with all the other trauma. It just feels like trauma stuffed on top of trauma wrapped in trauma. I want to curl up and speak to nobody.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Experienced a traumatic thing yesterday that bore hallmarks of a prior trauma. And I still haven't dealt with all the other trauma. It just feels like trauma stuffed on top of trauma wrapped in trauma. I want to curl up and speak to nobody.

I hear you, trauma in my dreams, trauma in my life. CBT, EFT, and heavy sedatives to sleep.

I am still dealing with the fall out from Wed night's episode. Even though it is the agressor who should feel humiliation, shame, and have been disciplined, it is I who feels I've been punished. I am dealing with shame on account of my own behavior. It is hard to announce to people I have PTSD without telling them why. They don't need to know or be made uncomfortable about my being the repeated victim of trauma. Instead I simply tell people I over reacted to an anxious moment, haha, and make light of it.

But it is days later and I am humiliated. The worse part is I don't even know how I behaved as I freeze up and black out during a triggered response. I feel anger; anger at myself and anger at the perceived agressor for making me feel scared and this sickness that followed.

I am not sure about the rest of you but I experience delusion in my response to perceived threats. In this case the man likely did no more than raise his voice to me and express his displeasure. But in such situations I delude myself that I am going to be killed.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am still dealing with the fall out from Wed night's episode. Even though it is the agressor who should feel humiliation, shame, and have been disciplined, it is I who feels I've been punished. I am dealing with shame on account of my own behavior. It is hard to announce to people I have PTSD without telling them why. They don't need to know or be made uncomfortable about my being the repeated victim of trauma. Instead I simply tell people I over reacted to an anxious moment, haha, and make light of it.

But it is days later and I am humiliated. The worse part is I don't even know how I behaved as I freeze up and black out during a triggered response. I feel anger; anger at myself and anger at the perceived agressor for making me feel scared and this sickness that followed.

I am not sure about the rest of you but I experience delusion in my response to perceived threats. In this case the man likely did no more than raise his voice to me and express his displeasure. But in such situations I delude myself that I am going to be killed.

It is good you are aware, there is a phrase, awareness, acceptance, action. The next step is to accept what happened inside of you. Once you do that you can take action to change your reaction in the future. Have you had any CBT?

[leomama]

I am feeling incredibly irritated by things in my life that are beyond my control and wondering what I should do different next time. I have some real problems in my life which I am going to have to discuss with my therapist today. Thank you everybody for participating in the check in.

Originally Posted by leomama

... Have you had any CBT?

Yes I have, and it's done wonders for my Anxiety. I have created some very handy coping mechanisms that help during and before bouts of anxiety.

The difference though with a PTSD episode is that I am frozen - of both body and mind. I am out of it. Unlike an episode of Anxiety I cannot use a coping mechanism to deal with the situation as it happens. Nor can I prepare for one.

CBT has been helpful following the episodes. It is useful in helping me breakdown the event (as much as I remember of it). Through CBT I have come to the reaization that I didn't deserve the original traumas nor the episodes that followed. Of benefit too are the CBT pieces on Catastrophic thinking. But again, I stress that these things are all useless during an episode.

Incidentally I wonder if what does happen when I have been triggered is a state of disassociation. The one moment I feel the fear coming on. The next moment I blackout (only I see white) and feel my life is in peril. When I open my eyes again it is obvious some time has gone by.