[frogysgirl]

I know I've offered advice before, but at this point I'm the one who feels alone. 10 yrs ago (Sept. 18 to be exact) I was raped and nearly strangled. Lately, I've be so afraid to even step outside my own door. I do it because I have no choice (appts. etc.). My fiance is wonderful, but he can't understand the shear terror I sometimes feel. I refuse to let the SOB who did this to me win, but it often feels like a losing battle. My sister is back in my life, but doesn't quite understand, and I'm seeing her and her 2 boys next week. I'm afraid if I get a flashback, they won't understand - but I haven't seen them in so long and I need this "escape". I'm also BiP II and have had some recent med adjustments. I know I'll get through this, I'm just tired of feeling like I have an elephant on my chest everytime something moves or I have to go out. This is the only place I feel where I can come to where people will have some understanding. Thanks for listening.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Frogy. I am sorry for your struggles at this time. Are you seeing a therapist at this time for your anxiety and PTSD. therapy and meds help you to be able to control some of the panic and anxiety and recurring thoughts. I hope things get better for you soon Froy. Take care. Soidhonia

((((((((froggy))))))))

That sounds like such a hard thing to deal with. You do need someone to talk to who understands and maybe even trained to help you process your trauma. Its seems to be impairing your life and I can understand why.. thats a horrible thing to have to endure. Keep reaching out.. We are here for ya.

[frogysgirl]

Thanks. Part of my problem is that for some strange reason, I feel guilty about what happened. I really start feeling bad when it affects my relationship w/my fiance. He doesn't blame me,(of coarse), but it hurts me when I can't "respond" to some of his affection because of what some creep did 10yrs. ago! I have a "new" thaerapist this year (4th in 18 months) and I see her Mon. I don't know how she's going help me. The "guilt" is new to me. I try to rationalize it logically, but my emotions take over quickly. As much as the people in my life love and support me, I still feel so very alone.

[frogysgirl]

Better day today. Went to movies w/fiance, but had several anxiey attacks. Still feeling scared and guilty. Don't know why after all these years it still hurts so very badly. Thought I'd be "over' it by now. Feeling confused and tired of the "cycles".

[Rio_]

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frogysgirl said:
Don't know why after all these years it still hurts so very badly. Thought I'd be "over' it by now.

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My "trauma" was very different to yours (don't really want to go into it just now, but if you like you could read some of my older posts ), but it happened 11 years ago, and I wouldn't consider myself "over" it either. Don't have any useful advice, sorry, but just to let you know you're not alone.

(((frogysgirl)))