[Rio_]

or at least one of the reasons why, reading articles about school shootings affects me the way they do. They all seem to be saying that I should be fine!

"People who are at greater risk for trauma include those who were present during the event. Other people at greater risk include those who witnessed the deaths of others, or felt like their own life was endangered.

First-responders who were in a position of responsibility, such as police or emergency medical technicians, can also be at greater risk for trauma, as can anyone who felt responsibility for not recognizing or preventing the event before it occurred."

“There are three circles of vulnerability. The first circle includes those students and staff who were in close physical proximity to the shootings. The second circle includes those who were in close social proximity to the shooting victims—people who were their close friends or roommates, for example. The third circle is comprised of people who have had a history of trauma or violence in their family.”

None of these apply to me! So why...

( I know, all my posts here seem to be variations of the same thing, don't they. )

[Perna]

No one else can say how another will/"should" react to anything! This weekend my 3 year old granddaughter started crying because her 2 year old brother told her she couldn't have any juice after her father had just told her he was pouring her some! There's no logic there LOL an older child who should "know better". Her father had to remind her, "Who is in charge of the juice?" and ask her if she really thought her 2 year old brother was :-)

We all have our own way of viewing the world and sometimes we all get it skewed in some way :-) My T and I were constantly amazed because sometimes I just didn't "get it" and yet I seem so "smart" and knowledgeable most of the time. I'm still amazed how in the late 1970s I was complaining to her about my group therapy situation for the millionth time and she said, "I really don't know much about group therapy but I don't think the other people are out to get you" and that changed everything! I had thought they were!!! I was in my late-20s and needed a "mother" to tell me it was all right, the other children would play nice.

Somewhere along the way you probably have it on an unconscious level that schools harbor shooters and that you're in danger. Why you have that idea, what it does or doesn't do for you or "mean" to you (may be like a dream and not be literal shooters but just kids that "act" like shooters) and you haven't found the right "words"/image/feelings to help make you feel safe is all. It's not a character flaw or unimportant or anything to apologize for! It's "your" thing. Everyone has/gets to have their thing! To this day I hate having classes with substitute teachers, I always feel anxious and like the class is going to get badly out of control and dangerous things will happen. I can't watch movies like Dangerous Minds because they're too scary. I'll be 57 years old next week!

You feel like you feel and you're "entitled" to feel that way, Rio! It's wholly appropriate and "good" even. You can't feel "better" if uncomfortable feelings don't make themselves manifest in the first place so you can "see" them and work with them. That's a wonderful bit of work you've done in this post, figuring out you feel like you shouldn't have a problem because you weren't "there".

[Mouse_]

When I first entered therapy, I was in so much turmoil because of a thought I kept having, that I had to spill the beans there and then and tell this thing about myself that I was trying to escape, I kept imagining shooting my young children and their playmates.

Of course I was never going to do this, BUT I didnt know that at that time, I was afraid of my own head.

After working through these thoughts, I can remember them now with no effect to myself, I am ok with the memory of them because I understand them for what they were.

I think inside we all have the possiblity to have these dark thoughts no matter how much we "hide" them from ourselfs, Maybe this sch shooting fear you have is feeling to close to home on some level for you?

just a thought.

[(JD)]

(((Rio))) Maybe.. just maybe, it's triggered you for something you are not consciously remembering. It might not be anything really bad, maybe even an erroneous memory. Keep working on it, but don't feel stupid or ashamed or dumb or anything because of the school shootings. Even the possibility, and the feeling of not being safe could be affecting you.


Good work (((mouse.)))

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, Perna. True...I've been told that before, but it just never seems to sink in. Maybe I should write it above my bed, or something.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

Somewhere along the way you probably have it on an unconscious level that schools harbor shooters and that you're in danger. Why you have that idea, what it does or doesn't do for you or "mean" to you (may be like a dream and not be literal shooters but just kids that "act" like shooters) and you haven't found the right "words"/image/feelings to help make you feel safe is all. It's not a character flaw or unimportant or anything to apologize for! It's "your" thing. Everyone has/gets to have their thing! To this day I hate having classes with substitute teachers, I always feel anxious and like the class is going to get badly out of control and dangerous things will happen. I can't watch movies like Dangerous Minds because they're too scary. I'll be 57 years old next week!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That could be it. One of the things I don't like about university is that it doesn't feel very secure - hardly any security cameras that I can see, we don't get asked to show ID much, and nobody locks the building doors! I guess it's good to have the freedom, but I'm not keen on the idea that anyone could get in. Good to know it's not a character flaw, though.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
\You feel like you feel and you're "entitled" to feel that way, Rio! It's wholly appropriate and "good" even. You can't feel "better" if uncomfortable feelings don't make themselves manifest in the first place so you can "see" them and work with them. That's a wonderful bit of work you've done in this post, figuring out you feel like you shouldn't have a problem because you weren't "there".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks. That's true! I've actually felt like I shouldn't have a problem with this for a while now...it was what my first post on this board was about. I still remember a couple of girls in my year getting told off by a teacher at one of the anniversary assemblies because they were crying - the teacher pointed at the year below, and told the girls that if the year below were fine, then they should be too. I went through a phase when I was about 15 or 16 where I was too scared to talk about it to anyone in case they thought I was just making up how I felt about it to get attention. So, I guess I have made a bit of progress since then!

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, Mouse. That would have been scary! Glad you managed to get help for it.

It is close to home - I've witnessed one, or at least the aftermath of it. I was 6, so it was just over 11 years ago (I turned 18 this month), and I can't remember much. I think not being able to remember how I felt at the time (I remember feeling happy when dad came to pick me up, but that's all) is the most frustrating.

[Rio_]

(((Sky))) Thanks. If that is it, and I still can't consciously remember after this long, is it likely that I'll actually remember properly? You could be right, though. Like I told Mouse, I don't remember that much from the actual day.

[Mouse_]

Rio, I must have misread your post, I thought you were trying to understand why sch shootings effected you so, and hadn't read that you had been involved in one at one stage, of course that explains it. One would have fear and anxiety of such events if its been in ones life.

[Rio_]

Don't worry about it, Mouse, I wasn't very clear in my first post.