[Wild Coyote]

I have found the recent news headlines (in the U.S.) very triggering.

So many sexual assault ( and harassment) stories are surfacing.
I am thankful many are being taken seriously and there have been (will be) consequences for the perpetrators.

People -- both female and male -- suffer tremendously and, often, for lifetimes.

I am having lots of memories resurfacing and am having very disturbed sleep due to anxiety and associated nightmares.

Have other found these types headlines triggering?


WC

[RubyRae]

Yep,they've most definitely been triggering for me.

As I said in a recent,similar thread,it makes me want to shout from the rooftops what was done to me.

I'm sorry you have been struggling because of it.You're not alone though.

I find a lot of headlines triggering. I no longer watch or read the news. I block any news source that shows up in my feed on Facebook. I like to know what's going on in the world, but my mental health can't handle it.

[MtnTime2896]

These headlines have put me on edge real bad. It is definitely contributing to my recent downward spiral.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have found the recent news headlines (in the U.S.) very triggering.

So many sexual assault ( and harassment) stories are surfacing.
I am thankful many are being taken seriously and there have been (will be) consequences for the perpetrators.

People -- both female and male -- suffer tremendously and, often, for lifetimes.

I am having lots of memories resurfacing and am having very disturbed sleep due to anxiety and associated nightmares.

Have other found these types headlines triggering?


WC

Yeah for the opposite reason. Having been recently falsely accused of abuse, not sexual, by an abusive person, I find any accusations of abuse unsettling. I don't doubt any of these particular stories, however not everyone who cries abuse has been abused, so that's what scary.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by leomama

Yeah for the opposite reason. Having been recently falsely accused of abuse, not sexual, by an abusive person, I find any accusations of abuse unsettling. I don't doubt any of these particular stories, however not everyone who cries abuse has been abused, so that's what scary.

I agree with you and am sorry about any false accusations you've had to deal with. An allegation is not proof. Some people do throw accusations around loosely and/or use accusations, perpetrating further relationship dysfunction.

Sometimes, there's an honest misunderstanding of what constitutes abuse.
I look to the "Wheel of Power" for guidance/education.

Forgive me, I'm getting a bit OT.

To your healing.


WC

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I agree with you and am sorry about any false accusations you've had to deal with. An allegation is not proof. Some people do throw accusations around loosely and/or use accusations, perpetrating further relationship dysfunction.


Sometimes, there's an honest misunderstanding of what constitutes abuse.

I look to the "Wheel of Power" for guidance/education.


Forgive me, I'm getting a bit OT.


To your healing.




WC

I’m talking about narcissist and manipulative people who accuse you of the abuse they are inflicting on you. I know that the current news headlines have nothing to do with that however it does scare me that this will empower those people .

[lizardlady]

Wild Coyote, thanks for posting this. I'm struggling with old stuff bubbling to the surface the last couple of months. There are times I'm afraid it's all going to come exploding out like a volcano erupting.

We are not alone. I talked to my pdoc last week. He told me he is seeing lots of patients struggling with the same thing.

I thought I dealt with all this a long time ago. Now I realize all I did was bury and hope I could forget. I'm trying to find a way to process it and actually heal now.

{*{*{*{*Wild Coyote*}*}*}*}

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Wild Coyote, thanks for posting this. I'm struggling with old stuff bubbling to the surface the last couple of months. There are times I'm afraid it's all going to come exploding out like a volcano erupting.

We are not alone. I talked to my pdoc last week. He told me he is seeing lots of patients struggling with the same thing.

I thought I dealt with all this a long time ago. Now I realize all I did was bury and hope I could forget. I'm trying to find a way to process it and actually heal now.

{*{*{*{*Wild Coyote*}*}*}*}

Hi Liz, Thanks. I, too, thought all was behind me. I don't know if it ever truly is 100% resolved. It's gotten easier as I've gotten older, maybe I just have more resources to cope with age. Even so, it's been very trying more recently.
Yes, my pdoc reports many of his patients are triggered.

Have you ever tried to work through this in therapy?

Be extra gentle with yourself.
Thinking of you.

WC

[lizardlady]

I was in therapy for other types of abuse, but not this. I'm giving myself a chance to work through it on my own (and with help of folks here). If problems persist I'll seek out a therapist.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I was in therapy for other types of abuse, but not this. I'm giving myself a chance to work through it on my own (and with help of folks here). If problems persist I'll seek out a therapist.

This makes sense to me.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

I would like to clarify.

I have started this thread with the intention of supporting survivors now being triggered by the headlines.

I want this to be a "safe space" for survivors to express themselves.
Thanks for allowing me to clarify.

With Gratitude,

WC

[Open Eyes]

I am glad this topic has come up where I can address it differently then I have before.

Getting triggered can take a lot of time to figure out and understand in "self". And there certainly has been a lot taking place that can create a lot of people to get triggered without having PTSD.

There was one area on this site that triggered me the most and I remember thinking and feeling "why does this bother me, why should I care about this so much?". I remember thinking to myself that it was important that I figure that out because IRL I was being triggered and having strange flashbacks and I was SO WORRIED that I would fail when I needed to be strong and the last thing I needed was to experience a flashback in front of people that were not people I wanted to experience that in front of. So, I engaged and at least when I failed, I would have a chance to at least have some kind of presence that was supportive. A kind of presence that would be understanding because I do suffer badly when it comes to having PTSD and all the deep confusion that comes with suffering from PTSD. With myself, while I began by experiencing a post traumatic breakdown, and went through the stages where I developed PTSD because I failed to get the help I had needed, I went further than that into experiencing what is called "complex" PTSD.

I ALWAYS hated the X vrs Y ALWAYS!The past ten years have been just HORRIBLE for me. Horrible on so many levels too. When you talk about "the little one in me is coming out and it's gotten SO challenging", I have that problem myself. I guess there was A LOT I never processed either. No, might as well be honest, I don't guess anymore I NOW KNOW. I never imagined that I would re-experience my past the way I have that has most definitely been very intrusive and confusing and exhausting.

The past two years has triggered me a lot too. At one point I kept repeating "they are both bad choices, BOTH him and her, there is TOXIC in both". One would think it would ALL come forward in a way where I could see it so much clearer. Lately, I have been thinking and feeling it in overtime and every once in a while my husband YELLS at me because I don't answer him fast enough and god forbid I don't do anything FAST ENOUGH when it comes to him. When he does that it makes me worse, worse in that I have been in a GREAT DEAL OF PHYSICAL PAIN. This isn't about what I read and see and hear that is taking place on our world stage, it's what has happened to me in my own life that seeing and hearing so much gets triggered.

What I have finally been seeing that most definitely is part of this little girl that is buried as you have described Liz, is how her entire childhood from the very beginning had been so hard on her because of how TOXIC this X and Y hate/dysfunction was that made her feel so frightened and unsafe and it was constant. The flashbacks I experience don't give me the bigger picture. Because of how I experience these flashbacks be it in clips where I can see things happening to me, or when I end up experiencing emotional flashbacks that I don't always KNOW what triggered them and I can be struggling for an entire day or several days I have felt lost and confused A LOT. So, I end up "repeating" and I most certainly have faced a lot of criticism for that. Yet, what has been extremely hard to explain about that is how something would surface that NEEDED to be included in whatever I had managed to articulate already. So, it has been like having this huge puzzle with all these pieces where each time a piece would appear, I would have to put it into the much bigger puzzle, not just for others to look at, but also for me to see myself. The therapist I finally found that helped me the most told me that I needed to talk about my past because whatever is there in my past is what made me more vulnerable to developing PTSD if a big enough trauma took place. At first I did not want to talk about my past but just wanted to focus on the problems I was facing in the now. Unfortunately, things got so toxic that like it or not things began coming forward from my past in flashbacks. I am sorry for anyone that experiences this because it's often crippling and so hard to explain to others and it's scary and very confusing.

Just this past year THAT really came out when after YEARS of my older brother distancing and making his own life, I was in my parent's kitchen and once again saw my older sister and older brother together again and the HATE they had for each other FILLED that kitchen and they stood in front of each other and this HATE and ANGER was all over their body language in every part of them. This was something that "little one" in me witnessed a lot and from the time when I was just a baby too. And the other thing that was in that kitchen was my parents who are elderly and yet clueless to the REALITY of what filled their kitchen that day that was ALWAYS there, and that little one had to figure out how to live her life around that constant hate and conflict HER ENTIRE childhood. That little one NEVER FELT SAFE because of that. "If you are nice to him, if you play with him, I WILL HATE YOU AND BE MEAN TO YOU". What came out of that in me that I had not realized was that because I know how hard that is, how painful and unsafe that can feel, I tend to protect anyone else that suffers from that kind of experience. So if I am involved in something where there is some kind of X vrs. Y and I see someone struggling and making an attempt to at least say what it means to them and they get attacked I get "triggered" FOR that individual. I often would get PUNISHED for that too. That is what also happened to "the little one" too. The little one saw a lot of HURT and bad things that the little one did not know what to do about. The little one was traumatized every single day by witnessing just how bad this can get and yet the little one had to learn how to understand that if she did tell, it would only make it even worse. This made it so the "little one" would get sick a lot and even almost die too. One time the little one was so sick that she was put in a bathtub full of ice and was shivering and crying and I often wonder if this is what my body is remembering when I struggle in pain and get the chills really bad.

The other thing that had been triggering me so badly is the battle I was in fighting for my right to have my boundaries, how my boundaries were so badly disrespected and invaded that resulted in years of hard work and getting to have that part of me that was so positive that I LOVED so much DESTROYED. Yet, as I was trying SO HARD to be strong and fight that battle, I ended up sitting at a table where once again I was in the middle of a male and a female once again engaging in yet another TOXIC battle. I was sitting at that table ALONE and the male lawyer who was supposed to stand up for me was failing mentally and his behaviors at that table turned into the focus being ALL ABOUT HIM and not about what I had needed. The woman at that table was being nice to me, but she was being nice to me in order to gain my trust so she could use that FOR HER OWN GAIN. I sat at that table trying SO HARD not to have a flashback, and focus, and I almost got through it, until that last question where I sunk into a flashback and saw all my babies (horses and ponies) hurt and all I could do was cry and I just could not talk or answer that question. I wanted SO BADLY to finish and get to finally answer that question, but in the nine years I waited and waited, I never did get to answer or really get heard. Ironically, that was also what I faced my entire childhood too, but also now that I think about it, "my entire life" too.

What has triggered me recently has been two things one has been that question presented of "why did you wait so long to speak up", I know exactly why in a very personal way too. But the other one is being the victim of "false accusations" too. Not only being the victim of false accusations when being brave and walking away from a toxic person, but also to face the legal battle I faced where the opposition tries to dig up anything possible that can be negative, how this opposition can decide that you are bad when YOU WERE NEVER BAD and you never did what a toxic person said you did through gossip to try to get people to dislike you. I know exactly what it's like to have people side with an accuser willing to LIE right to your face and lie WITH a toxic person to smear in hopes to get people to think badly of you when YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING BAD OR WRONG but instead it's this other person spreading gossip and smearing that did something toxic and wrong. I also know what it's like to have someone walk by you with anger and disgust in ALL their body language showing you they actually BELIEVE this toxic person and BELIEVE you are bad when in reality YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG OR BAD. It's such a HORRIBLE feeling.

People will say, "you know it's not true so don't let it bother you", well that's just not so easy to do, especially when you can see that people believe something about you when you don't deserve it.

The therapist that helped me the most said to me one day, "you have faced so much trauma in your history and yet were managed to be so strong and resilient". He said I was such a "survivor". Yet, I have to be honest in that when I struggle with these flashbacks, with the days where I am in such physical pain that it tires me out I don't feel at all like a "survivor".

[Wild Coyote]

I had been having lots of flashbacks/memories and I had been trying to ignore them. I guess my pdoc suspected this and he brought up the topic, asking me if the headlines have been triggering? Once he'd asked, more surfaced right away. (I am a survivor.)

Lots of memories, insomnia, nightmares, feelings resurfacing.
I am finding this also fares my bodily pain, including fibromyalgia, myotonia, spasticity, etc. The fibromyalgia, alone, is at a high, more intense than it has been in years. Other conditions are responding in the same way-- flaring.

Lots of anxiety, sweating, some dissociation, and more.

Are others having lots of symptoms?
Are you able to talk about this with those closest to you?

It's time for me to again challenge some of my patterns.

For example: I have, thus far, been very quiet about why I am losing sleep. This is a "default pattern" I had adopted years ago. I know I can now tell my husband and he will show compassion, for instance.

I don't need to feel all "alone" in this. I can share; yet, will use discretion in sharing with people in my life.

I'm hoping we can share and support one another here.

Much Love and Gratitude,
WC

[Wild Coyote]

Open Eyes, Thanks so much for sharing; I was hoping we could all share together like you've done (for anyone ready to do so.)
I have read and re-read your post. (We had been posting at the same time.)

I am so sorry for all you have been through, as well as all you experience now.

(((((( OpenEyes ))))))

To Our Healing and Empowerment,

WC

[hermitbydestiny]

The admitted (self or on tape) abusers have been exposed finally. Isn't that the justice we abusees have all dreamed about? So now they can get some therapeutic help like we've had to do. Justice at last. This is a good trigger reminder than no one person is bigger than the law.

Accusing without proof and believing the accusation as a movement without question scares me. That is not justice seeking, but revenge seeking. I've seen 3rd wave (using sexuality to get ahead) feminist turn the tables and sexual harass men in the office without feeling they are doing anything wrong. They call it payback. I call it disrespectful and have called them out and wasn't favored in the process (I'm a 1st wave feminist believing that both men and women deserve respect equally). May those men speak out and equal the scales. This is a 'stay tuned' trigger.

We suffer here on this earth. I've done my share of suffering and have met and dealt with my own malevolence in response to that in the abuser. Then I moved on in doing for me what the abuser didn't do, that of believing and providing self-empathy to myself. This is an ongoing process called maturing, and even though I am in my 70s, I still am challenged everyday to treat myself with compassion and pass it on. My job is to stop victimized thinking, which delays the journey work of getting on with my life--that of NOT abusing myself.

Democracy is messy in that we have beliefs and influences in various stages. Beats the alternative of Marxism utopia where one has to perform as a group with no individual beliefs or else be punished. Trust breaks down. Freedom is having voice in speaking our individual beliefs and allowing the same. However, accusations need evidence under the law or else is called slander/libel.

Interesting times we live in.

[Open Eyes]

Thanks for talking about the physical pain because I get that SO BAD at times and I try so hard to handle it without giving in and taking a Klonopin. I don't know if this pain is fibromyalgia or not. I do know that if I take a Klonopin it helps so much, but I don't like the side effects that I have to deal with if I take the Klonopin daily, it was horrible when I stopped taking it and had to suffer through withdrawals. I do like to have it on hand when I have been in pain so many days that I need to have some kind of relief.

For me, while the headlines and soundbites have brought things up in me, it's been really hard because of how my older brother just told me his cancer has spread and metastasized. The "little one" in me is having a really hard time with this. He has asked me not to tell anyone else in my family, I have felt so alone with this and the "little one" in me is so strong right now. I keep having the same flashback of him on that school bus being bullied and he is sitting alone looking out the window trying so hard not to let anyone see the tears running down his face.

I have felt so alone with that and I am trying so hard, and my husband has been yelling at me a lot lately because he says things to me and I don't respond to him fast enough.

Does anyone feel like all they want to do is sleep? I feel like that's the only time I get a break from "feeling" both the emotional pain and the physical pain.

[Wild Coyote]

I am very sorry that you, too, feel physical pain.

It's tough to feel alone with your brother's "news." I am very sorry he is ill, by the way. He is now being "bullied" by cancer. Could you ask your brother if you can at least share with your husband? You husband might then understand more?

Yes, I am very tired and desire to sleep; yet, I cannot sleep uninterrupted at night and cannot relax enough to nap, even briefly during the day.
In time, I will sleep better, I am sure.

It's good to be able to share with you.

I hope symptoms calm down for you.

WC

[Open Eyes]

hermitbydestiny, I hear you, it's true in that women can be extremely manipulative and bad too where they will do and say things for attention and financial gain or power for themselves.

[Wild Coyote]

Hermitbydestiny, I agree that coping with adversity often becomes easier with "maturing." Although I am clearly feeling triggered, I am better off in how I handle this now, as opposed to how overwhelmed I would have been (and have been) in my 20's, for example.

I know so many people are currently triggered, I'd wanted to start a support thread here.

Thanks for your support.

WC

[Deejay14]

I am happy for all those who finally put their story out and that there were big consequences for the perpetrators. I am struggling with trust because I have for a very long time admired the work of Charlie Rose and now i find he is such a louse. I have lost a hero and it makes me wonder about any man in my life.

[Open Eyes]

DeeJay,

When it comes to his age group one has to consider the generational culture he was part of. Men were encouraged to think about women in a different light and if you look at his age and consider all the movies, the messages that were being sent to men when it comes to women, he practiced things a lot of his piers practiced. Twenty and Thirty plus years ago women were viewed in a different light, and men who gained success often abused their power too.

I am 61 and a lot of these men where older than me and I actually know what a lot of these women are describing and that it was a lot more wide spread then talked about back then and what is finally coming out now all these years later. A lot of these men did have two sides to them.

However, it's also important to be honest about how a lot of women played along with this too. A lot of successful men had their wives and their mistresses, this has been taking place for a very long time.

When the horrible truth came out about Bill Cosby I could not believe it, I had thought he was a nice man and good role model, NEVER imagined him doing what finally came out in the open. Sadly, people can present this side of them to the public that is so likable and respectable and yet they have a whole other side of them that can be dark and bad.

[hermitbydestiny]

I'm glad you did open this thread. Discussing the times and where we are in them is a growing experience. I come away every day with more food for thought because of these posts. Thank you one and all!

I totally see triggers differently after going through an online course called compassioncourse.org. A trigger gives me a feeling, and if I go with it, the feeling will show me my unmet need, which instantly transfers the balance of power back to me that I've given to those out there. How I accept and express this need within myself is vital in how I present my need out there (respectfully irregardless of their reaction). Courage time. Very exciting stuff and on a daily basis too; never a dull moment.

Rather than HATE this current political schema, I am getting to the roots of it in seeing how certain philosophies have led into disrespectful cultural behavior, currently taking form as sexual harassment aka The Good Old Boys. I was sexually abused as a child. I know first hand how women are disrespected. I've dealt with my rage. Now what? I am no longer afraid of this 'trigger dragon.' I want to feel my frustration in order to see the courage I will need in this to grow through it.

How that plays out: I have a dry wit and can make zingers that make people laugh, so I've mourned giving that up because I want more from myself and society: The 'replacement' tool is what I am after...that of growing up (I'm 70) and becoming one of those in history who stood up/for trust and respectful behavior. The states-man, woman, child--individual--who has voice and chooses to stand up/for respect and trust as tenets of freedom makes a culture worth living in.

That's why I remain a 1st wave feminist with principles built on respect for both men and women. I reject cynicism as a motivation and believe it is the energy which created male bashing in 2nd wave feminism, and takes it even further in 3rd wave feminism that uses sexuality to get ahead (The Good Old Girls), and am not sure what 4th wave is up to these days. I understand why 2nd and 3rd wave took that stance, but reject the thinking that negative stances can build positive outcomes. Cynicism does not build a healthy individual, family or society. Cynicism destroys hope and with it trust and respect until the culture degrades into what we are seeing now. Cynicism stops with me rejecting it and moving back to the HOPE in the daily adventure in getting to feel my feelings, find my unmet needs, etc. Wash, rinse, repeat. Ha

[hermitbydestiny]

You met the malevolence in people, as did I, who were/are in the core family. Over time, I met the malevolence in myself in my reaction to them, namely my dad who sexually molested me.

Dad made me aware of how I could be hurt and rather than protect me, he used it against me until I eventually grew numb (chronic PTSD). In return, I got to know how he could be hurt and used it against him, namely through fantasy in projecting him dead. Then the opportunity came up when I was an adult to turn the fantasy to reality as he taunted me in trying to get into a fight. I seriously wanted to smack him upside the head with a cast iron frying pan I had in my hand at the time, and decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in prison, so I walked out the door instead. Him not having control over me anymore hurt him more than the smack upside the head, which would have done nothing but anger him so he could have an excuse to beat the tar out of me. That's power.

But hang on. I've spent my life walking out the door on just about everything that triggers me when it comes to anyone misusing power. That surge of temporary power that day became an identity and has been detrimental in my jobs as far as building a pension. That's been detrimental in college when I quit 6-weeks before graduation with a 3.7 gpa towards my bachelor's degree in English. On and on I could go.

So journey work for me is in no longer looking to my dad as the baseline of power but to look to myself and get busy making up for the misuse of power I've done to myself. No blame or shame. It made sense at the time and now something else makes better sense now that I know better and am more healed from CBT, meds, medication, etc.

Today I have the power to feel my feelings, identify my unmet needs, speak my needs into existence and move forward in the stability of better awareness because I CAN. And pass it on.

[hermitbydestiny]

Charlie Rose has great interviewing skills: he asks pertinent questions, and waits his turn before speaking (no clutter of cross talk), nor has a lot of background confusion going on, which helps me concentrate on the actual words of the interview. He demonstrates restraint in allowing others to express their own personal conviction without getting his dander riled, so he has good boundaries in keeping flow in the interview from beginning to end.

He earned success in his career choice because he is has good skills. How he sees his sexuality is a whole other matter. May this recent media exposure provide him with the therapy he needs in making better choices when it comes to respect and intimacy and trust, which is something we all are learning one way or another.