Scenarios and Questions

To start off with I missed my appointment with my therapist today and had some things to talk about (missed bc my ride didn't show and I can't drive) but anyway.... I was watching Ghost Rider with my boyfriend on the couch and there was this one scene where there's some violence and I all of a sudden couldn't watch it, felt freaked out, got away from it and everything else that I could (including my meds and knives) I don't know what it was just started shaking and crying. I was diagnosed with chronic trauma syndrome whatever that means I don't know anymore I think it's more specific than ptsd. I remember hitting noises when I was real little my parents waking up to them screaming and yelling I was maybe 5ish but I'm wondering if my mom was right if my dad really hit her like she says... believe me both my parents have their issues but that's beside the point... I wondering if I have repressed memories and something like that triggered it? I realize there's probably not an easy or cut and dry answer but is it considered a flashback if u have this physical/emotional or whatever type of reaction without a memory to put it with? Could someone define for me what a flashback is anyway? But I think I believe my mom because I have a very vivid memory of it my mom crying and telling me and my twin sister to get away from the door incase he came barging in, and she told us he ripped the phone off the wall and stuff... i also remember when a police officer came and made my dad leave; that's something I'd like to forget being scared and crying and just not understanding.
Thanks for listening.
Feedback would be great
Danielle

I'm not an authority and can only speak to how I experience this disorder but here's my two cents...

Usually when I'm triggered I do not experience a memory, just a rush of feelings. I know where these feelings come from because I've spent time reflecting on events in my life and how they made me feel (thanks therapy). What I cannot say (because my trauma was ongoing) is that trigger A corresponds to memory B. I'm sure this is not the case for everyone but for me it's just not that specific (usually).

I know repressed memories occur but it sounds like you have a clear idea of what trauma existed in your past. Do you remember every single incident? Who knows. I'm sure I don't, I was a kid. Do you need to? This comment might get me in trouble here but I'm not sure you do. So long as you get to the core of it, you aren't leaving anything big or unique out, I think it's probably good enough. It would take me forever to catalogue every bad thing that ever happened to me. But what you do remember sounds bad enough and I'd highly recommend focusing on those events with a therapist.

Movies are tough but I can say I've been triggered by many a film, book, song, etc. They are hard because we can't control what we're going to see. In life we can avoid situations that would trigger us but watching tv, we can't tell that the next scene will have just the right imagery to push us over the edge. Heck, there's a scene in Rudolph The Red Nose Raindeer that triggers me every year so it can really be from anything (damn island of misfit toys).

So there ya go, my thoughts. I hope they are in some way helpful.

May you have peace and please be safe.

Cyran0

hmmm That sounds like you were dx'd a long time ago, as trauma "issues" haven't been referred to as a syndrome for a long time.

It does sound like you were triggered, doesn't it? If you hadn't recalled or remembered those memories until now, then yes, you probably did repress them.

Having PTSD makes one more susceptible to anything violent or "unsafe" I think. Horror movies would fit into that category.

(((hugs))) TC

If you were real young you might not have "memories" like adults do because you didn't have enough words to think of it/remember it in that way. Everything in our head is "words" so young children mostly have feelings for memories, sometimes even those are "vague" since you'd have to know what "fear" felt like to put that connection to it. So one's body gets in there for children, how your body "felt" when you woke to your parents loud voices. You know how babies "startle" at a loud noise? Kind of like that but a little less diffuse since you had some words.

I have weird TV reactions (and subsequently change the channel and %#@&#! off anyone "watching" with me because I change it right at the main emotional points of a drama or whatever, LOL :-) I use to skip paragraphs or even pages in a book rather than read them! How dumb is that?

<font color="green"> Sounds pretty smart to me Prena. I tend to get stuck and traumatize myself, my therapist has worked with me about that. I was so proud of me when I stopped reading a book that was bothering me and got rid of it. </font>

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dalila said:
<font color="green"> I tend to get stuck and traumatize myself, my therapist has worked with me about that. I was so proud of me when I stopped reading a book that was bothering me and got rid of it. </font>

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I do the same, dalila. If you don't mind my asking, what advice did your therapist give you about it? Mine didn't seem to understand when I told him. That's great you managed to get rid of the book!

Perna, I do the same thing still - leave out whole paragraphs in books, skip class when I knew what the subject matter would be - there was one school book i never read in college because it would have put me as in-pt. And really, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer triggers me too in certain spots so I stopped watching it ages and ages ago - thankfully, I don't have kids so no more of that for me, Cyrano. i think I even showed my t those books and she agreed with me that I probably shouldn't be reading it, but figured one day I could if i "normalized" all that stuff.
Sory - but does anyone get that? Normalize?!!? What is normal about - well I can't post those words in here... but that just seems like re-traumatizing people all over again. I don't think I want those subjects to be "normal".
Kiya

<font color="green">To begin with, I used to be obsessed with true crime stories the darker the better. My therapist had me promise to not read those kind of things while we were working on the childhood abuse. At first I thought she was nuts but now I find I don't care to read such things at all.</font>

I was diagnosed a couple years ago with chronic trauma syndrome. I don't know if it's an old term or what. I see my therapist today as long as kvcap is dependable.