*Graphic* I feel so mixed up...

When I was 10 years old, my brother started to repeatedly sexually abuse me.. He was 19 years old and we were just home alone one night and he just grabbed me and pulled my clothes off... It want on till I was 16 years old. It finally stopped because my mom came home early one of the nights and walked in on us...

There was a very big mess after that.. My parents fighting between each other about whether to call the cops or just put him into therapy.. He would cry and beg them to forgive him and that he wouldn't do it anymore... So my dad decided to put him into therapy.. They didn't even ask me anything about the whole things or if I wanted to go into therapy.. Eventually I had to ask on my own, but my dad said I wasn't the one that was sick, so I just dropped it...

My brother was always my dad's favorite... top of his class and involved in School football and all that stupid ********... So I can't say it surprised me when my dad took the rout that wouldn't ruin my brother's "future".. but that doesn't mean it didn't still hurt...

Lately, my parents have been getting upset with me because I don't go over for "family dinners" or any visits really... I just don't feel like I can be around him anymore... is that wrong of me?

I'm 24 years old now and I know I should probably be past all of this... but it still hurts me deeply... I haven't had any relationships in my life... whenever a guy seems interested I just feel like avoiding them to make them lose interest... I haven't have any other sexual experiences...the thought of it just disgusts me... I can't help but think of him..

The worst part about all of this, is that for the past month or so, I have been dreaming about him more and more... The dreams used to terrify me, but now I am getting aroused by it... what the hell is wrong with me?!? I don't want to do that at all, but i can't stop dreaming about it... Is this normal? is it something I'm stuck with?

I'm sorry for rambling... It's like my mind fogged up once I started typing... I'm sorry if it's just craziness... but that's just how I feel right now.. crazy...

I don't know what I'm looking for in posting this... I just felt like I couldn't hold it in anymore... but I couldn't tell anyone around me... Sorry..

Thanks for sharing your pain here on PC. That's a lot of what we're all here for. So please don't feel badly about doing so.

I have no expertise with regard to any of this. So anything I say is just my personal opinion. However to answer your first question I would say that... no... it's not wrong for you to not want to be around your brother... or your parents either at least from my perspective. They all did you great harm. And, at least from my perspective, I think it would be odd if you did want to keep going back. But, then, that's just me...

As far as your dreams go, I can't say to what extent what you are experiencing is "normal" or not normal. But one concept I have picked up, from reading about the findings of current research into the workings of the human brain, is that a lot more of who we are & what we do is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So from that perspective perhaps one way to view your dreams is as being sort-of like messages of distress from non-conscious areas of your brain.

As far as the arousal aspect of this goes, I would like to simply suggest that how we think, or imagine, we should be, & how our bodies actually function physiologically, are often two different things. You mentioned that, at the time this trauma occurred, your parents would not allow you to see a therapist. If you're not seeing one now, I would like to suggest this might be an excellent idea, if you can.

Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on the subject of how to recover from sexual abuse & how long it takes. Here's a link to that video:



Also there is another therapist by the name of Peggy Oliveira who uploads videos, on the subject of sexual abuse, onto her YouTube channel. Here's a link to Peggy's YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiz...zNRdCN2NMyiUXA

Lastly, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of healing from sexual abuse. Hopefully some of the information in them can be of some help too:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/7-ways-...use-survivors/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/savvy...g-from-trauma/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-abuse/

My best wishes to you...

Thank you. I really didn't expect any responses to this.. I was mainly just letting off some pent up steam. I'm honestly to the point of just cutting them all out... My mom tried to be there for me, but ultimately just goes with what dad says... I had to block my brother because he was still trying to text and call me.. It feels like they are trying to make me the crazy one... but if I am it was because of my brother... I've contemplated just leaving in the middle of the night and never talking to any of them ever again...

Thank you for the links. I will look into it.

You need to find a therapist for yourself. The psychologytoday website can help you find one in your area.

I don't think your parents understand what you're going through. You do need a therapist, though, to help you so you don't carry this around for the rest of your life.

You may also want to go no contact with your family, at least until you have some skills to deal with the attitudes. Moving away may also help.

What an awful experience. Distancing from your family at the moment sounds like a good idea. Like the others said, please look into therapy to help yourself heal fro the abuse. You

I don’t think you’re crazy. It’s more so being human.

I’m sorry you had to go through something like this. You deserve to get help to deal with this. I would not recommend going through this alone.

It’s hard to deal with. I know. I was sexually assaulted. You don’t want to have relationships romantically with anyone because you’re scared of being hurt again. I feel the same. I just want emphasize that you are not alone in dealing with this.

Is there any way for you to see a therapist? It would be extremely helpful, even if you are so scared to talk about what happened, and it will help you process through things.

I am also using an app on my phone to help me through things. It’s called PTSD coach. It is an American app, but I’m sure you can download it from wherever you live. It was created by a government agency. I have found it quite helpful.

If you need to talk to someone, you can just message me. I hope you are doing better today.

I had horrible sexual dreams in my teens but it didnt mean anything. Dont feel bad about that. Ok?

I've had strange dreams about being sexual with people I find disgusting. I think it's the brain's way of processing things, though, and the body responds. There's that ick factor but I know I will never do that.

The things you are experiencing are totally normal. Very common to have a struggle between the shame of this happening to you and the physical response of our bodies.

Get away from your family, find a a therapist who has experience with incest, and be kind to yourself, ok?

Thank you guys. I have been trying to process everything. I went over to talk to my mom about things and my brother happened to be there.. He tried to give me a hug and so I shoved him away and my dad got pissed at me.. Said I can't treat my brother like that, that he wasn't going to do anything... He doesn't get that that isn't the point! I don't care if he wasn't going to do anything that time, he already did what he wanted! I don't want him near me!

I completely lost it and told them I'm done with this ********. I'm gonna move away from this.. I feel like being in the same city as him is too much for me. My dad basically acted like it really didn't matter... I don't know what I did for him to not care... I'm his daughter too!
I know I'm grown now and it shouldn't matter... but a huge part of me is just wanting them to act like I ****ing matter and hold me... If they don't want to lose my brother, fine! but why does it have to feel like I'm the one who did something wrong?

I can't deal with this feeling anymore.. so I'm just leaving... I already talked to my job and they are looking to see where to transfer me.. I don't care where I go... I just need to get away from this ****..

What you have went through is horiffic, and is absolutely no fault of your own.

I apologize for being so blunt, but I say "to hell with your family". They have ALL done you a disservice. They weren't there for you in your darkest time of need. If you can move away and lose contact, I would. Finding a good therapist that works for you would be great, too.

A house is just a house. What makes it "home" is when people you love are care for reside there. The same thing goes for a family. Blood relation is just blood relation.
At the end of the day, it doesn't mean anything. It's a group of people that love you and care for you and are there for you that make it a "family". I have never been close to my family, but the friends I have made along the way have become my family. They are there for me way more than my family ever has been. I would suggest you look for the same sort of support network. It literally pissed me off reading this thread and how disgusting it is that your parents didn't do anything about it.

Don't worry about the dreams. Again, that isn't your fault. Our brains are very complex, sometimes to the point of being unexplainable. Trauma does strange things to our mind. Talking to a therapist about it will help, but sadly we can't control what we dream. Just know that none of this is your fault, and I am so sorry you went through it. I hope with more time, you'll continue to be able to cope more and live a normal life.

It matters. It matters SO much. It matters more than anything else they do or ever did for you.
You were ten years old when this first happened and nobody protected you. You were 16 years old when they found out and they protected your brother and they protected themselves. They did not protect you. They did not help you. They did not support you. They did not help you process any of the trauma of 6 years of sexual abuse at all.
They protected themselves and they protected him.
To listen to you, to support you, and to look after your interests in this would have meant sacrificing their own views of a happy family and also jeopardized your brothers future.
Instead they chose to sacrifice you.

You are not the only person this has happened to. Mothers and fathers all over the world have sacrificed their daughters in the same situation. My mother did too. They don't necessarily do it because they are bad people. Maybe they do it because they are just weak. Because they don't want to "rock the boat". Because they have too much to lose.

It was your basic human right to be protected, to be cared for, and to be loved. They didn't do it. More than that, they expect you to deny your own experience and reality and act as if nothing happened.

Your brother had a choice of whether to sexually abuse you or not. He chose to abuse you.
Your parents had a choice to protect your brother and themselves or to protect you. They chose to protect your brother and themselves.
Your choice is an awful one, and it is a terrible, terrible thing that you have been put in a position of having to make it. You have the choice to either protect yourself, honor yourself, care for yourself, do whatever is right for you, or to deny your own self and pretend nothing ever happened. The awful cruelty of that is that YOU then get put in the position of "breaking up the family". YOU get put in the position of "hurting everyone".
It is so, so wrong. You were the one that was most hurt. For years and years. And then for years and years more when you were forced to pretend nothing was ever wrong.

I am so very sorry for how much your family has hurt you.

Thank you... I hate that I have to go to complete strangers on the internet to feel like someone ****ing cares... But I appreciate and love you all so much..

The biggest thing is for you to try to get into see a theripst. I am almost 53, and my abuse has been very hard for me to let all of it go. You can be a victime, or part of your solution. P.S. sorry for my spelling,