This is Me 2-3 years ago...

<font color="purple"> I'm symptom free of ptsd these days. So I guess, since I don't fear certain things like parks where there are lots of trees, especially pine trees. This used to bother me a lot. Parks full of trees, especially out in the country types like rural areas. I was raped in a park multiple times and mostly tramatized outside and kept out of it when inside so I didn't try to escape. I can't say why or what exactly happend to me since its rather hard for me to speak about considering illegal activites were a probably a part of those moments. I didn't commit any crimes but being drugged was considered my fault just because the police didn't know what happened to me. I'd rather not ever retell all that happened in detail anyways. Not here. Still, I wonder if the right circumstances (triggers) occurred, that my ptsd would return??? </font>

Lapis, I believe it depends upon the severity of the PTSD. I won't question your reality, ok, just going to post some thoughts so you can work on where you were, and are ok?

Were you dx'd with PTSD by a specialist? How long after your trauma did you receive help/therapy with an expert in trauma? How "real" or "reactive" were your sessions in talking about/out the event/s that caused the PTSD?

That you cannot recall might still be a coping mechanism. You might not be ready to remember, or you might not need to remember.

Complex PTSD never goes away... PTSD can be quelched quite a bit so that the triggering subsides substantially even to the point where it's not an issue in day to day living.

You don't have to share anything, anywhere you don't wish to... remember that!

Again, good to have you here.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Lapis, I believe it depends upon the severity of the PTSD. I won't question your reality, ok, just going to post some thoughts so you can work on where you were, and are ok?

Were you dx'd with PTSD by a specialist? How long after your trauma did you receive help/therapy with an expert in trauma? How "real" or "reactive" were your sessions in talking about/out the event/s that caused the PTSD?

That you cannot recall might still be a coping mechanism. You might not be ready to remember, or you might not need to remember.

Complex PTSD never goes away... PTSD can be quelched quite a bit so that the triggering subsides substantially even to the point where it's not an issue in day to day living.

You don't have to share anything, anywhere you don't wish to... remember that!

Again, good to have you here.

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<font color="purple">
As far as my therapy I've never had an expert in trama of the sort that I experienced simply because I don't have the means to get such help. Its just too costly for me, therefore I really can't say I had help immediately after my experiences occurred, not to mention I was threatened and forbidden to go to a hospital, police or any doctor with the idea that I would be harmed or my family would be at risk for harm if I sought any kind of help at all. Especially right after these things occurred. So I've lived in fear for years and got very little help thus far just because of extreme fear and paranoia that I would lose everything... family, job, etc.. It's hard to explain fully without revealing details I cannot share here.

Thanks for your help but, I'm not sure its too late for help to come and do me any good at all. </font>

(((Lapis))) wow... perhaps you have an extra tolerance to some stress, which is now helping you to cope? I sure hope so... and that you will be able to continue without symptoms.

Should symptoms begin, though, you can still be helped! It is important to keep in mind to check the symptom list every once in a long while if you find difficulties with relationships, work or something like that, for PTSD can rear it's head in many ways.

Again, welcome.

Dear Lapis,

What I see is a strong person in you, that survived a terrible trauma. Most people would have fallen, but you are stronger then most in this world.

In the given situation, it seems you held back discussing these issues for reasons you explained. I hope you don't have any guilt, blame, or feel cheated under the circumstances.

If you do go into therapy, you do not have to let anyone else know (that is family, friends, etc.) that you are seeing a therapist.

If you are afraid of confiding in a therapist, you could ask Dr. John to explain what the rules of confidentiality are between a doctor and a client.

If nothing else it would help to know that whatever you were in involved in is not what caused the situation to happen. Therapy could shed the light on what type of man would be capable of doing such terrible things. They are the kind of individuals, who would have turned on anyone near them. Just having done a few drugs, does not make you the guilty one.

Wish you the best in whatever choice you make for yourself...colors

Well, thanks to you all for your encouraging thoughts and comments. I'm seriously considering seeing a therapist asap, even this week! I haven't made narry a call or looked in the phone book, yet.
My other problem is hypnotic conditioning done to me by these terrible men and their ilk. Some of my associates at work and friends or those I thought were friends have found out how to use this simple thing on me to control me. This is another reason I need a therapist. I've been preconditioned to respond to a snap of the fingers for those who use this to sway me to do their bidding. I'm shocked to think my coworkers would stupe so low but, then, they are looking to ruin or change my life without my consent?? It's worse than ptsd! I'm afraid to trust or speak to anyone now. If I do who knows what I may end up doing without being in full control of my faculties. This is more than scarey, it's got to be illegal to manipulate someone like that isn't it? Does anybody here know? Or know about removing the conditioning? I need to ASAP!