[Rio_]

For the past little while, I've been wondering if I've been getting better. Ok, so I still think about the event and similar ones fairly often, or at least things that I associate with it (certain words, usually), but I've been feeling perfectly calm about it...to the point where I wondered if I'd been trying to make myself feel worse before. This isn't the first time I've worried that I define myself, or at least my early life, by the event...I often hang on to things that make me "different"...a horrible thing to say about an event like that, I know.

I think the fact that I can't mention it by name here, and that accidentally stumbling across a website with articles on Columbine a few minutes ago gave me all the familiar feelings (I'm still a bit shaky), maybe shows I'm not actually all better, though.

[(JD)]

(((Rio))) PTSD isn't cured, but managed (hopefully, eventually.) It sounds like you are coping. Be sure to give yourself positive affirmations to counter any negative thinking.

Perhaps the need to hang on to this, or feeling you need to make yourself worse, might be part of the need for validation, that you were, indeed, affected by that event.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( Rio )))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Rio )))))))))))))))

[RozG]

((((((((Rio))))))))

I'm no expert or doctor but I've had ptsd from very early childhood...don't matter why.

What matters is I can tell you that from my experience it has different levels at different times.

What I mean is when things are great in all areas of my life...kids are fine, I'm fine etc...it's quite low and I also think maybe it's gone or I was letting it be worse before when it was bad. But then something related comes on the news or happens to a friend....then it all comes flooding back just as bad.

You know what I mean right? I know I told you before the event you can't speak of...neither can I.

Rio, with all due respect, it's not something you can control in my experience...sometimes it's low, sometimes it's high. You're NOT doing it to yourself, it's just sometimes your defences are better and sometimes not in my own personal experience.

I'm sure a professional would disagree with me but they don't cry like crazy every time the subject comes up.

I hope this has made some sense to you? If not please feel free to pm me and I'll discuss it with you personally. I'll even tell you why the event you talk of hurts me as it hurts you if it will help you, something I have never done for anyone!

Please take gentle care of yourself ((((((((Rio)))))))))

[Rio_]

(((Sky))) Thanks. I think I am, yes. Have you got any suggestions for positive affirmations?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perhaps the need to hang on to this, or feeling you need to make yourself worse, might be part of the need for validation, that you were, indeed, affected by that event.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That could be it. I don't think it's ever been validated by anyone in real life except my old therapist. I don't remember what sort of help (if any) we all got at the time, though.

[Rio_]

((((((gimmeice)))))) Thanks.

[Rio_]

((((((Fuzzybear)))))) Thanks.

[Rio_]

((((RozG)))) Thanks. I'm sorry you've had PTSD for so long.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What I mean is when things are great in all areas of my life...kids are fine, I'm fine etc...it's quite low and I also think maybe it's gone or I was letting it be worse before when it was bad. But then something related comes on the news or happens to a friend....then it all comes flooding back just as bad.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That sounds like what happens with me. I can be getting along just fine and then I'll be confronted with reminders out of the blue and it hits me again. It doesn't make me feel as bad as it used to, though, which is something.

I do know what you mean.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rio, with all due respect, it's not something you can control in my experience...sometimes it's low, sometimes it's high. You're NOT doing it to yourself, it's just sometimes your defences are better and sometimes not in my own personal experience.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks, that makes sense.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I'm sure a professional would disagree with me but they don't cry like crazy every time the subject comes up.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I remember telling my therapist that I was having a hard time when there was a similar event in the news...all he told me was "try not to get too attached", like it's that easy.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I hope this has made some sense to you? If not please feel free to pm me and I'll discuss it with you personally. I'll even tell you why the event you talk of hurts me as it hurts you if it will help you, something I have never done for anyone!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> It certainly has, thanks again! Oh, wow...thanks, but I'll be going on holiday soon and I don't know if I'll be able to get online again before then - I wouldn't want a PM that important to be sitting there for ages before it got a reply. I really appreciate the offer, though, that's very kind - and brave! - of you.