HUGE TRIGGER WARNING

I am very mad. I have been following the supreme court ruling about child rape and execution.They threw it out. I was kidnapped and raped at age 9. I wasnt sure what I felt about this law. I have been reading some lawyers comments. One said child rape kills the childs soul. Another said sometimes it would be better to die then have to live with the psychological effects of child rape. I talked to my emdr therapist today and she and I agreed my soul isnt dead. I like her. It just really hurt me. It also triggered me. I think that killing the guy who hurt me would have made me feel responsiable. I would have felt bad. I dont think a child should be made the center of a death penalty case. I think the money they wasted on passing this law should have been used for therapy for the kids. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. People should watch their mouth when they make generalized statements.

I really don't know what to say, it's such a horrible subject I'm so sorry this happened to you or any other child (it makes me sick to my stomach that a human being is capable of such a horrendous crime). I don't think a child should have to be brought into the case or know anything about it at all. The trauma of the rape is enough they shouldn't have to re-live it. As for your soul, I believe your soul can't die, that was a horrible statement. As for the perps, their earthly punishment is the least of their worries. You should never feel guilty for the fate of your abuser, it is in no way your fault, his actions decided his fate. Stay strong and hang in there.

<font color="purple">Nothing can "kill" your soul because your soul is immortal. I think what the person was trying to do was illustrate how the abuse shatters the lives of the children involved, and was most likely a poor choice of words

You did not choose to be kidnapped, you did not choose to be hurt like that, therefore, can you really say that you had any responsibility about it? In the case of child abuse such as this- it falls solely on the abuser, never the child.

But you're right about how the children (or adults who were once abused children) shouldn't be the center of a case like that and have to re-live everything.</font>

They were saying that if this law was accepted then the child would be forced to go to court for years. What a mean thing to do to a child who is hurt. I just cant imagine growing up knowing that the state killed the guy who hurt me. I just dont know. Im so mad and triggered. I feel like ripping my hair out and ripping myself into shreds. Mostly I am just sad.The guy who hurt me and my sister and another girl got 50 years. I have never been able to tell anyone the whole story. I freeze and cant talk or move. Im mad and sad. IT will pass. Im just not safe for a couple of hours because I just get so mad I will scratch myself when I dont even realize it. Then it passes and later it comes back. I just wish that.......I dont know.

I guess you should try to avoid the subject matter. Your case is over don't re-live it by watching or following this stuff. I hope you have someone to go to or call when you are feeling this way. I'm not a theropist (by far probably need one myself!). My first suggestion would be go find a loved one right away.

Im ok. I need to talk about it. I cant avoid it (the feelings). I have 2 therapists. I go three hours a week. Actually talking about it on this sight is keeping me grounded. I dont watch the news or anything. I just followed the story to see the outcome. This is good for me to be here. Just because my case is old doesnt mean its over. I have to do parole hearing letters when he gets rearrested and I have the flashbacks and nightmeres. Im ok. Thanks for replying. I need to know people hear me and that helps. Im staying put for a while on this sight and I will be ok. I called my emdr therapists and left a message. It was worse when I kept everything inside. Thanks for reading this and replying.

I find it easier to talk about my problems with people who will never see me, so I understand why you find comfort in this websit. I also understand that talking about it makes you feel better. But like I said I'm not a theropist but I am a mother and a sister and you shouldn't be alone in this.

I guess I should explain since I am on the honesty wagon. After this happened my mom was sent to prison. I got sent to foster homes and I never really talked about it with anyone. My sister and I would say something to each other everyonce in a while. I had no idea what happened to this guy. He pled. I have been working on this really hard for about 4 months. My mom called me a liar even after the guy was caught attacking another child. A month later the cops busted the door down and arrested her. She is mentally ill (schizophrenic) and an alcoholic. So this has been stuck in side me. Silence almost killed me. Im talking now even if its around the attack. Its still not silent. I just needed support. Im wanting to have a good support system. I want to get better.
When the lawyer said it would be better to have died then live with the psychological truama, that is so wrong. I love my life. I have great therapists and I am connecting to people. The world can say mean things but I know the truth. Yes the damage is huge and life altering but life can be good again. When people understand you and listen to you and sit by you. It builds that hope in connection that was taken. Im sad now but it will pass. It will pass and light will fill what was dark and unspoken now that it was spoken.

Thanks vetswife ((HUGS))

You are so very welcome. You should never feel like you have to go through something alone. I'm glade you are connected with people who have your best interests in mind. You are a strong person and I know you'll get through it. Keep up the possitive thoughts your life is definetly worth it and the sky is the limit (I believe Opra was sexually abused and look at her, one of the most successful females on earth). God bless you and feel free to pm me anytime.

I just wanted to say I am doing better. I can barely eat and have to force myself however. I have good therapists and that has made it easier. I am going to the dr monday or tuesday because I think I have an ulcer. Any way thanks for the support.

I am joining a bit late to this but was so triggered over it that i *forgot* it had come up on the news and that i had vented about it to my mom.

I am really angry about it because it once again shows how much society devalues children.
Tho i think you brought up a real good point mimi about kids and their being brought into it and how if it had been me, i too would have felt guilty over the perps death. I agree, i don't think the kids should know anything about it.

I think that the perps should be _________ (can any human will the death of another? - I just get more confused) but i know they need to be stopped. and i know just how much it destroys the life of the person to be hurt so. None of the ppl who hurt me ever did time on my behalf - i never told. One guy who hurt me, my friend, and his daughter went to jail for hurting a 16 yr old.
THere are just so many untold horrors of sex abuse. Something more should be done that stops them. Lable their foreheads with an F or something. I was upset by the comment "The death penalty punishment outweighs the crime". well BS to that.
As far as i'm concerned, death is too easy. It's a one time deal while I have to live EACH DAY with ptsd and DID/MPD and all the constant switching and triggers and self sabotage... i could go on, but I don't need to - you all already know.
thanks for letting me vent.
kiya
also thanks, because now i understand why i was so extremely triggered even more than usual and couldn't remember why.

((KIYA)) Im sorry it triggered you to. It sucked. The whole thing just sucked all the way around. Take care of yourself.