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Grand Magnate
Managing Editor, PC 
Member Since Apr 2004
Location: Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 4,572
20 
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Dec 05, 2006 at 11:08 PM
#1
I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF
 I am the biggest freaking idiot in the history of the world, and I never freaking learn. I understand completely right now why some people choose to shoot themselves. But my weapon of choice is a blade. The thoughts of stabbing myself in the heart to watch it bleed and get all the crap out sounds pretty darn appealing right now.  (consider that me yelling at myself for being an incredible freaking idiot)I don't deserve to live. I thoroughly deserve to hurt, though. I've never understood homicidal people, though I've been inpatient with some -- I've never had the urge to hurt anyone else. Hurting myself, that I understand, and that I have coming.  ARGH
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Wise Elder
Member Since Aug 2005
Posts: 8,106
19 76 hugs
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Dec 05, 2006 at 11:21 PM
#2
(((((((((((((((((((Candybear))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you must be hurting so badly. I know it is hard for you to belive right now but you really aren't the biggest idiot nor do you deserve to hurt yourself. I wish I could take away the rage you are feeling towards yourself. I guess I don't know what triggered all of this but I hope you soon realize that you don't need to hurt yourself. I know that sometimes that is very difficult at the time and I fully understand your feelings. Please try and be safe. I know I would hate to see you hurt yourself. You really don't have anything coming. Maybe you can come under my umbrella with me for a bit and we will just be.
 Pleae take care and know I care.
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Magnate
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 2,856
17 17 hugs
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Dec 06, 2006 at 12:05 AM
#3
(((((((candybear))))))))) I am sorry you feel bad. I wish there was some way to help you feel better.
I hope this passes soon because you don't deserve this pain. BJ __________________ "The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open."  Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped. 
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Grand Magnate
Community Liaison
Member Since Oct 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 4,344
18 45 hugs
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Dec 06, 2006 at 03:10 PM
#4
Hello I hope things get better for you soon. I really hope that you call your Dr and therapist and let them know how you are feeling so that they can help you at this time. You do not have to suffer alone, when you feel this bad. Take care I hope you feel better soon. Sincerely Soidhonia
__________________ The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
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Grand Magnate
Managing Editor, PC
Member Since Apr 2004
Location: Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 4,572
20
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Dec 06, 2006 at 03:12 PM
#5
I've only lived here a month, and my insurance just started 12-1. I have neither a pdoc nor a therapist right now ... a huge part of the problem!
 I called to see if I could get in with the pdoc earlier than my Jan. 3 appt., but since I'm a brand-new patient and she will have to do an intake, that's the best they could do.So yeah, suffer alone it is. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
20 14 hugs
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Dec 06, 2006 at 03:40 PM
#6
if all else fails , go to the ER, they can't turn you away
Please take care Love ya Angie __________________  A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2005
Location: state of desperation
Posts: 799
19 31 hugs
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Dec 06, 2006 at 04:06 PM
#7
(((((((Candybear))))) Please stay safe.
__________________  complic8d"Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos-your reality I know well what lies beyond my secret refuge The nightmare I built my own world to escape." ♥evanescence♥
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,133
18 1 hugs
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Dec 06, 2006 at 05:16 PM
#8
(((((Candybear))))) Don't really know what to say...other than that you do deserve to live, and you don't deserve to hurt. Sorry you're feeling so bad, hope it doesn't last.
__________________ Her name is Rio, and she dances on the sand... |
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