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  #1  
Old Dec 05, 2006, 11:08 PM
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lenjan lenjan is offline
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I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF

GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE)

I am the biggest freaking idiot in the history of the world, and I never freaking learn.

GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE)

I understand completely right now why some people choose to shoot themselves. But my weapon of choice is a blade. The thoughts of stabbing myself in the heart to watch it bleed and get all the crap out sounds pretty darn appealing right now.

GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) (consider that me yelling at myself for being an incredible freaking idiot)

I don't deserve to live. I thoroughly deserve to hurt, though. I've never understood homicidal people, though I've been inpatient with some -- I've never had the urge to hurt anyone else. Hurting myself, that I understand, and that I have coming.

GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) ARGH
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  #2  
Old Dec 05, 2006, 11:21 PM
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bipolar_bear bipolar_bear is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,106
(((((((((((((((((((Candybear))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you must be hurting so badly. I know it is hard for you to belive right now but you really aren't the biggest idiot nor do you deserve to hurt yourself. I wish I could take away the rage you are feeling towards yourself. I guess I don't know what triggered all of this but I hope you soon realize that you don't need to hurt yourself. I know that sometimes that is very difficult at the time and I fully understand your feelings. Please try and be safe. I know I would hate to see you hurt yourself. You really don't have anything coming. Maybe you can come under my umbrella with me for a bit and we will just be. GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) Pleae take care and know I care.
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  #3  
Old Dec 06, 2006, 12:05 AM
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onlymedid onlymedid is offline
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(((((((candybear))))))))) I am sorry you feel bad. I wish there was some way to help you feel better.
I hope this passes soon because you don't deserve this pain.

BJ
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Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
  #4  
Old Dec 06, 2006, 03:10 PM
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Soidhonia Soidhonia is offline
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Hello I hope things get better for you soon. I really hope that you call your Dr and therapist and let them know how you are feeling so that they can help you at this time. You do not have to suffer alone, when you feel this bad. Take care I hope you feel better soon. Sincerely Soidhonia
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  #5  
Old Dec 06, 2006, 03:12 PM
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lenjan lenjan is offline
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I've only lived here a month, and my insurance just started 12-1. I have neither a pdoc nor a therapist right now ... a huge part of the problem! GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE) I called to see if I could get in with the pdoc earlier than my Jan. 3 appt., but since I'm a brand-new patient and she will have to do an intake, that's the best they could do.

So yeah, suffer alone it is.
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  #6  
Old Dec 06, 2006, 03:40 PM
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nothemama8 nothemama8 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
if all else fails , go to the ER, they can't turn you away
Please take care
Love ya
Angie
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GROWL (HUGE TRIGGER, BEWARE)
A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.
  #7  
Old Dec 06, 2006, 04:06 PM
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complic8d complic8d is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2005
Location: state of desperation
Posts: 799
(((((((Candybear))))) Please stay safe.
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complic8d

"Don't say I'm out of touch
with this rampant chaos-your reality
I know well what lies beyond my secret refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape."
♥evanescence♥
  #8  
Old Dec 06, 2006, 05:16 PM
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Rio_ Rio_ is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,133
(((((Candybear))))) Don't really know what to say...other than that you do deserve to live, and you don't deserve to hurt. Sorry you're feeling so bad, hope it doesn't last.
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Her name is Rio, and she dances on the sand...

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