[bluebell]

Am struggling with the level of intensity of my flashbacks.

I have more the complex type PTSD from childhood abuse and find it really hard wen it seems that my body takes over and is out of control and is reacting to something that isnt there. But I dont usually have any conscious thought other than extreme overwhelming emotion, often fear or panic.

It often feels as if there is something very close and somehow I am holding it back, maybe a memory or is my body reliving trauma that i cant consciously deal with, sort of my body remembering but my mind not.

Its very scary and very powerful and overwhelming and none of my psyche team have really seen it as they never get close enough.

I feel like I am losing plot.

[(JD)]

Moving from not having any remembrance of a flashback/being triggered to sensing something is a good thing. It means you are beginning to heal. Your brain wouldn't be allowing you to begin to realize this is happening unless it knew you were ready for it. However, if it continues excessively, you may be going through memories too fast in therapy and need to slow down and not cover so much material at a time.

Body memories as some call them, are very real and can be strong. Try to allow it... to "allow" it and not panic but tell yourself it is something from the past and isn't happening now. Do grounding techniques and center yourself.

[bluebell]

Thanks, think my therapist fairly good at this, it knew to me trying work thru it way we doing, but she def pacing me as has asked me not to communicate with little me but just to write her reassuring letters so think she aware that it all so close to surface could end up flooding me, just makes daily living so jolly hard.

Have 3 kids, 2 are babies and 1 is 7going on 17. My husband whilst willing to take over kids wen he gets home so i can crawl into bed, he just totally not on this wavelength and sort of expects other people to help me rather than feel he has any responsibility in supporting me he just adds to stress by being an idiot.

On way on holiday to cottage in wales he stropped of cos we were having row, he got train ho,me and left me to deal with kids and find place. that triggered lots panic attacks etc as cant cope with being new places and not knowing where am, sort of feel trapped with no escape route, so prob something from past.

Just hope can do more of body memory stuff and little me stuff as that seem where intense emotion is and it need to come out as so draining keeping it in.